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Cali naps 
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 Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:44pm |
 maysay1 wrote:
Cali naps wrote:
He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me. Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this |
This is coming from someone who grew up with a mentally ill/absuive/addict mother who allowed other people to abuse me as well.
This is not something you just "get over". You are not overreacting and this will take TIME. I'm assuming you don't live with them anymore. That's the first hurdle because you are not physically or financially dependent upon them. If you are financially dependent in any way (like you need their tax info for school aid or you are on their health insurance)...do the bare minimum you need to do to keep a civil relationship until you are no longer dependent. That is going to mean a lot of pretending but do it if you have to.
At the same time, you need to take care of you. If you have access to counseling/therapy through school or a community program, get in it. If you don't, then start journaling and seeking out help from free sources (honestly really captainawkward has helped me a lot, especially with all the links to good books to read about relationships and dealing with these issues).
You have to recognize that you've experienced a lot of trauma. And the emotional scars from physical abuse plus the fact that your mother did not protect you are going to be deep and ugly and take a long time to heal. And each time you engage with her it's like reopening the wound. At the same time you have to allow yourself to grieve what you have lost (a loving, good parent-child relationship).
Like I said, this is not something to just "get over". It will take time, and work, and accepting that they will probably never change. You can only change you and heal yourself. And build your own family (friends, spouse, mentors, people who are totally 100% team you). |
I really don't know what to say. I really appreciate you taking the time to help
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Cali naps
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:46pm |
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rickysrose
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:46pm |
I agree with this relationship needing professional help
and since your 19, Im not sure how much resources you have to put towards therapy and the reality is I doubt your parents would go for it
so until you can get professional help, limit your contact, build up your own psyche and your own relationships, making yourself aware of negativity from your childhood that might impact your future decisions, relationships, perceptions etc.
By limit, keep it light and short and over the phone
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princesshoneybee
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:52pm |
Cali naps wrote:
princesshoneybee wrote:
Cali naps wrote:
princesshoneybee wrote:
Cali naps wrote:
NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this |
How old are you cali? |
19 |
Yikes.Do you still live at home? |
No. I left when I was 16 |
You're parents let you leave the house when you were 16! that's not even legal. You're parents sound like horrid people and this is NOT your fault. I don't think that you should ever contact them at all ever again. You need to focus right now on making something out of your life. Do you go to school? Get your butt enrolled and study hard and become someone important in life. When you are successful, you can surrond yourself with quality people and form good friendships, sometimes a good friend can be better than family. True story.
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jonesable
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:55pm |
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Are you in school?
They usually provide counseling and therapy
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Cali naps
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:01pm |
princesshoneybee wrote:
Cali naps wrote:
princesshoneybee wrote:
Cali naps wrote:
princesshoneybee wrote:
Cali naps wrote:
NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this |
How old are you cali? |
19 |
Yikes.Do you still live at home? |
No. I left when I was 16 |
You're parents let you leave the house when you were 16! that's not even legal. You're parents sound like horrid people and this is NOT your fault. I don't think that you should ever contact them at all ever again. You need to focus right now on making something out of your life. Do you go to school? Get your butt enrolled and study hard and become someone important in life. When you are successful, you can surrond yourself with quality people and form good friendships, sometimes a good friend can be better than family. True story. |
My mom just gave up and my dad didn't care so I moved in with some friends. All my family is really just all my close friends. I don't have any blood I can rely on. I'm not in school but I want to go. I did super good in HS and everything but school isn't exactly my top priority right now.
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Cali naps
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:02pm |
jonesable wrote:
Are you in school?
They usually provide counseling and therapy |
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
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Lady ICE
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:04pm |
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i would say good bye and not look back. theyre going to make you insane if you keep going back and then having 2 ppl gang up on you. no real mother would let anyone do anything to her daughter cause he's angry. wtf?
anyways i know you really wanna get back with your mom, but sounds like she and dad have their own set of issues...and are blaming you. just get on with your life. make it a good one.
i wish i would be cookin somebodys dinner and they start a fight...madea and the grits..thats all imma say lmao. im sleepy op so i might be rambling, not sure, but seriously just carry on with your life...dont go back.
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princesshoneybee
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:06pm |
Cali naps wrote:
jonesable wrote:
Are you in school?
They usually provide counseling and therapy |
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh |
You probably went to that "free counseling" that doesn't help. Perhaps you are depressed and need medication. It's ok if you do its nothing to be ashamed of. I take something from my doctor.
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Cali naps
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Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:08pm |
Lady ICE wrote:
i would say good bye and not look back. theyre going to make you insane if you keep going back and then having 2 ppl gang up on you. no real mother would let anyone do anything to her daughter cause he's angry. wtf?
anyways i know you really wanna get back with your mom, but sounds like she and dad have their own set of issues...and are blaming you. just get on with your life. make it a good one.
i wish i would be cookin somebodys dinner and they start a fight...madea and the grits..thats all imma say lmao. im sleepy op so i might be rambling, not sure, but seriously just carry on with your life...dont go back.
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 Trust me I was ready to let him know. My tears weren't sad tears they were I'm so pist that I cant hurt you right now tears. I would have done something but I do not need NO type of attention from the law.
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