Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Summer Hair Takeover Specials
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Talk, Talk, and More Talk
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Honest advice needed please!
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
 

Honest advice needed please!

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1234 5>




The Best Human Hair Available with No Service Match

Author
 Rating: Topic Rating: 2 Votes, Average 1.00  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
foxyroy19 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Apr 08 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 42266
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote foxyroy19 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:36pm

If you can't tolerate the work of getting a long and make nice then YOU need to cut all ties with your family.  Simple.  You are in control of you.  You dont control nothing else.  Once you learn that simple fact you will be able to make a decision.

Honestly, why should Mom give up on her relationship just to appease you...?  You are or have been out the nest....fly...that is her home and how she wants to live her life is and has been her decision.  Things your mother tolerates may not be what you can or will tolerate and the same with the members on BHM.  I just can't imagine a grown child trying to tell me what to do or how I should do this or that with my husband.  I can't believe your mom tried to explain that to you.  

 
The only Dynamics that can be changed is within your control. 
 
 
I have had to cut crazy out my life and I don't regret it one bit.
 
 
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
coconess View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 30 2006
Location: Cali
Status: Offline
Points: 205141
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:40pm
i dont think youre overreacting. 

i will semi cosign with alias. Tell her how youre feeling and why, and give her an ultimatum. 
If she continues to make excuses for him and/or doesnt change, let her know that youre done. 

i have no problem ostracizing myself from people who have no benefit/positivity in my life. 
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:41pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:


I don't have a step parent and thanks Smile

Oh, okay. I skimmed. The part you said your mom said 'he was defending his wife because you hurt her feelings' I didn't realize she was talking about herself. My bad. Ouch

ETA: Did your father beat your mother and sister too, or just you? You don't have to answer that if you don't want too. Hug
Just me. My sister is a lot older than me so she what out of the house but when she around she only witnessed the good side of him.
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:48pm
Originally posted by foxyroy19 foxyroy19 wrote:

If you can't tolerate the work of getting a long and make nice then YOU need to cut all ties with your family.  Simple.  You are in control of you.  You dont control nothing else.  Once you learn that simple fact you will be able to make a decision.

Honestly, why should Mom give up on her relationship just to appease you...?  You are or have been out the nest....fly...that is her home and how she wants to live her life is and has been her decision.  Things your mother tolerates may not be what you can or will tolerate and the same with the members on BHM.  I just can't imagine a grown child trying to tell me what to do or how I should do this or that with my husband.  I can't believe your mom tried to explain that to you.  

 
The only Dynamics that can be changed is within your control. 
 
 
I have had to cut crazy out my life and I don't regret it one bit.
 
 
I don't want her to give up on her relationship and the comment that I believe you are talking about was meant to refer to thing that happened in the past. I am not trying to tell her what she does in her relationship but i sure in the hell am not trying to get physically hurt by a man she insists on keeping around while wanting making our relationship work. I appreciate your honesty and different point of veiw though.
Back to Top
ShadyLady View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Sep 11 2011
Location: US-Florida
Status: Offline
Points: 105095
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ShadyLady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:48pm
Honestly, if you can't handle how they behave, its best to cut ties and distance yourself.

Your mother is pretty much conditioned to act as she has been and no amount of you being hurt is gonna change that if its been going on this long.

Your dad sounds abusive and he will not change because he doesn't respect your opinion that he should, and your mother and sister condone and excuse his behavior.
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:52pm
I think its hard to let go because my mom and I used to have an amazing and super close relationship before we moved in with my dad

Edited by Cali naps - Dec 07 2012 at 10:03pm
Back to Top
FarraFace View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 26 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 198108
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote FarraFace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:16pm
Cali, it's natural for a daughter to want to have a relationship with her mother. However, your anger and resentment about

Quote After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger”


her guilt about the above blue and/or refusal to accept that she is, in fact a shytty parent

= You always being the one to blame when your anger and resentment leads to arguments. 


Quote and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

You have a list of things she let him do to you. She answered that question a long time ago sweetheart. Hug



Back to Top
princesshoneybee View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 08 2012
Location: shutup town
Status: Offline
Points: 16547
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote princesshoneybee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:19pm
Op, what do you mean by "beat"? Do you means spanking or straight out violence? If he seriously physically abused you, I really don't think that you should contact him again or get too close to him. Unless, he comes to realize what he did was just plain evil. If you mean "beat" as in spanking than I don't think it really is that big of a deal and maybe he was just frustrated at the pressures of being a parent and having to sacrifice alot for his kids. As far as your mother is concerned, I think you should still keep her in your life because she is your mother no matter what. And no matter what if she is in need you need to be the bigger person and try to help when you can. But I don't think you should share intimate parts of your life with her and try to keep it civil. It's no good to be completely isolated from your family because I can see that if you are even asking this question you seem to love your family despite the issues you are having. When I found out that my father was spending all our money on prostitution and thats why we couldn't eat or do things I was soo angry and I wanted him to die. But I realize now that I have to be the bigger person because he can't be. Please PM me anytime you want. I know family drama hurts but one day you will get married, have friends of your own and live a satisfying life. As we get older we depend less and less on our parents anyway so it's not like you are forced to live with them 24/7, you will be fine. You just have to trust your gut.
Back to Top
FarraFace View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 26 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 198108
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FarraFace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:20pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

I think its hard to let go because my mom and I used to have an amazing and super close relationship before we moved in with my dad

Wait, what?

Cali, are you trolling? 
 Angry
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:25pm
NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
The Elite Hair Care Sorority
Electric Cherry Hair
Hair Extensions Wefted Hair Wigs and More
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
DivaWigs.com
Premium Quality Human Hair Extensions and Closures
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1234 5>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down