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Honest advice needed please!

 
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Cali naps View Drop Down
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    Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 8:48pm

I rarely post here but I really need some outsider advice. Sorry if the story is confusing or if there are any errors. I’m super upset and I cut some things out to make the story shorter.

 

                I have had plenty problems with my family, especially my parents in the past so I distanced myself from them for the past few years but recently my mom and I have tried to repair our relationship. I knew this was going to be difficult but I already feel myself wanting to give up.  The first few weeks we started talking to each other everything seemed fine. We made it a point to hang out with each other at least once a week and I visited her plenty of times. I was even cordial with my father and sister who I have extreme problems with.             

                Now things are getting very difficult. I went to visit her a few days ago and we go into a small argument while I was making her dinner. It started to get very heated so she went into another room to cool off. Then, my father gets involved and starts screaming at me saying how he regrets the fact that he stopped beating me when I was younger and how he was going to slap the sh*t out of me for being such a nuisance and messing up his life.  After that I left crying.

I didn’t speak to my mom until yesterday. As soon as I saw her she began saying how it’s my fault everyone is mad because of how emotionally detached I am from them. When I told her what my father said, her excuse was “He was just defending his wife because you hurt her feelings”. When I told her that he also said foul things about her that day her excuse was “he just says and does those things out of anger”.  After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger” and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

Today she was trying to act nice to me. She kept wanting to talk like nothing happened and I just gave up and pretended like everything was okay to avoid conflict. Do you guys think that I am wasting my time trying to repair my relationship with her? Do you think it’s possible to even have a decent relationship with her and not my father? Am I overreacting or do I have a decent enough reason to give up?

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Alias_Avi View Drop Down
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I'm having similar problems with my parents to be honest

If I were you I'd give them an ultimatum

Tell 'em you're through with the drama. Layout the specifics you have a problem with and explain to them why you can't keep dealing with it. If they don't want to change then they will lose a relationship with you. Stick to your guns and don't waver

Good luck
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nitabug View Drop Down
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Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Do you guys think that I am wasting my time trying to repair my relationship with her? YES

Do you think it’s possible to even have a decent relationship with her and not my father? Without formal intervention or help? NO

Am I overreacting or do I have a decent enough reason to give up? Do what makes you happy


You only have one dad and one mom....but you only have one life. & your life is most important. They've lived most of theirs. No need to be miserable.
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OrriannaRose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote OrriannaRose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 8:55pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

  After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger” and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

Today she was trying to act nice to me. She kept wanting to talk like nothing happened and I just gave up and pretended like everything was okay to avoid conflict. Do you guys think that I am wasting my time trying to repair my relationship with her? Do you think it’s possible to even have a decent relationship with her and not my father? Am I overreacting or do I have a decent enough reason to give up?

 
Broken HeartHug
 
I think you are wasting your time on her and it willl not be possible to have a relationship with her and not with your father. Her silence to your question would be enough for me.


Edited by OrriannaRose - Dec 07 2012 at 8:56pm
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Cali naps View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:07pm
Thanks for the answers . I guess I was hoping that maybe I was overreactingOuch
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FarraFace View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote FarraFace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:07pm
Damn, you got 2 shytty parents and a shytty step-parent/mother.

I'd cut em all both completely out of my life, effective immediately.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  Hug


Edited by FarraFace - Dec 07 2012 at 9:25pm
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maysay1 View Drop Down
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You need to take care of you. Would you allow this treatment from friends? No. Just because you are blood related does not mean you should be abused (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc) or be in an a bad relationship.

So yes, it is a waste of time. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who treat you well. 

In the meantime...check out captainawkward.com. So much great advice about dealing with crazy family and relationships and healing yourself and other great stuff. 
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Cali naps View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:17pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Damn, you got 2 shytty parents and a shytty step-parent/mother.

I'd cut em all completely out of my life, effective immediately.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  Hug
I don't have a step parent and thanks Smile
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Cali naps View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:18pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

You need to take care of you. Would you allow this treatment from friends? No. Just because you are blood related does not mean you should be abused (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc) or be in an a bad relationship.

So yes, it is a waste of time. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who treat you well. 

In the meantime...check out captainawkward.com. So much great advice about dealing with crazy family and relationships and healing yourself and other great stuff. 
I've been telling myself this by I guess i needed to hear it from someone else to actually listen and I checked out the website and it seems cool
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FarraFace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:24pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:


I don't have a step parent and thanks Smile

Oh, okay. I skimmed. The part you said your mom said 'he was defending his wife because you hurt her feelings' I didn't realize she was talking about herself. My bad. Ouch

ETA: Did your father beat your mother and sister too, or just you? You don't have to answer that if you don't want too. Hug


Edited by FarraFace - Dec 07 2012 at 9:27pm
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