here's a portion blog posting i read about this story from the perspective of a woman with aids:
The first 10-15 years of this disease was ugly and so was society. But
now we are 32 years into the AIDS pandemic and the medical advances have
been nothing short of a miracle. Times have changed and so has HIV/AIDS, so why haven't we changed?
I woke the other morning with a news report of a woman being murdered after she disclosed her HIV status to her partner.
I can image what went through Cicely Bolden's
I know because I've been there. You meet a guy and you like him. You
really like him. You want to tell him that you have HIV but you are
afraid of rejection. I mean no one wants to be alone. You have those
butterflies in your tummy all the time, so it seems. You know you should
tell him, but you just can't bring yourself to do it. I remember once
in my early days, I was "this" close to having sex. We started out
kissing and cuddling and I could feel his penis raise. OMG, I liked this
guy, he was rich and successful and had been working on me for months.
He was in town visiting and as we lay on that plush bed, in that plush
five star hotel I was in absolute turmoil.
played every scenario in my head. if I tell him now with his hard dick
pressed against my body how would he react? I was old enough to know
that you don't play dick and coochie with a man.
If you don't want to
, then you shouldn't do the things with him
that leads to
. Yes, no should be no, but by the same token, a
woman must take ownership of who she lets feel between her legs. LADIES,
feeling between your legs and on your breast sends the single you want
. That's the bottom *&%^$#@Ein line. Stop playing dick and coochie, its
But back to the topic at hand. I mean, I had wanted to tell him before
it got that far, but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. He
got harder and harder and I started to panic. I felt it was morally
wrong to not disclose my status, but we had gone so far how do I stop?
But had we really gone to far? We were both still clothed and I knew
that I had to act fast. I just knew it. I also knew that this was not
the time to tell. You don't have a serious conversation when the dick is
hard and the coochie is wet. Boundaries should be established before he
ever touch your breast. Touching should only occur when you've had an
adult conversation, like do you have a sexually transmitted disease?
Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease? How do you feel about
condom use? This conversation must take place very early in every
relationship. And if you are not mature enough to have it, then you are
not mature enough to have sex.
So I was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. He laid on top
of me, grinding his hard dick against my body and I lay their in chaos.
I knew I had to bite the bullet. I just knew it. I whispered,
"I can't. I can't do this."
"I can't, I'm not ready." I mumbled.
"Ain't you on the pill?" He asked.
At that moment I knew there was a God. This was my way out. "No I whispered." There was a deep sigh and he rolled off my body.
That was the last time I saw him. Not because he didn't try, but because
I preferred to walk away rather than being outright rejected. He would
later learn my HIV status like many others, when I told my story on the
cover of Essence magazine.
understand what must have gone through Cicely's head. It had probably
gone to the point of no return and she just didn't know how to say it.
Then after the sex, she started to feel remorse. She needed to be
honorable. And honestly it's never to late to do right a wrong. So she
told. She told. She told. She told; And telling caused her life.
He said, "She killed me, so I killed her." My most fundamental question
is how did we get to this place 32 years into the AIDS pandemic that a
lack of education and fear of rejection would cause a life? Read More Here
Yes it was morally wrong for Cicely to not disclose up front, but it should not have caused her life.
The Facts Stand For Themselves
1. It's 20 to 1 that a woman will infect a man. The fact of the matter
about 15% of the men in the United States are infected because they had a
sex with a woman. Men infect woman, woman rarely infect men. Most men
in this country are infected from having sex with another man or
through the sharing of needles with someone who has HIV.
2. The latest research is clear. If a person is infected with HIV and
their viral load is non- detectable it's about a 2-3% chance that they
would infect their partner, even if they use NO condom.
3. If a person knows that they have been exposed to HIV and seek a
prophylaxis treatment with 72 hours it will reverse the HIV. They can
take a HIV medication cocktail for 30 days and it will destroy the HIV
in their body.
So you see, the chances that he is actually infected are slim to none.
And they could have acted fast and put him in a preventable treatment
just on GP. That's why HIV education is important for both the infected
and the uninfected.
And it must be said, AIDS is no longer the death sentence it use to be.
With EARLY diagnoses ( thats why testing is important) proper treatment,
care and COMPLIANCE a newly infected person can live with HIV for
years. These are all facts!
So how did we get to this point? Like For real... For real? Like don't
everyone know what I know about HIV? It's not just about lack of
education but about the stigma and shame that still overshadows all
common sense around HIV.