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High-Elf Engaged in Battle With the Evil Morgoth

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    Posted: May 21 2014 at 10:16am
High Elf, High on Acid, Attacks Woman's BMW With a Sword

Jay Hathaway

High Elf, High on Acid, Attacks Womans BMW With a SwordExpand

Portland, Ore. police responded to a 911 call at around 7 a.m. Tuesday morning from a woman who believed her car was under attack by a pirate. But instead of a routine pirate attack—oh, Portland—they discovered an armored man who claimed he was a High Elf.

He was at least half right. Although the man, dressed in chain mail and helmet, and equipped with sword, staff, and shield, wasn't actually an elf, he was definitely high.

Konrad Bass, 30, of Glendale, Ore., told officers he had taken LSD, and also identified himself as a "high-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth." He was cited for criminal mischief and taken to a hospital.

Morgoth, the original dark lord and master of Sauron in J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings mythology, has at his command various Balrogs, rivers of fire, and, apparently, BMWs (the official car of the Dark Enemy and sponsor of the last battle).

The car survived the encounter, although police say it was left with several puncture marks.

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