High Elf, High on Acid, Attacks Woman's BMW With a Sword
Ore. police responded to a 911 call at around 7 a.m. Tuesday morning
from a woman who believed her car was under attack by a pirate. But
instead of a routine pirate attack—oh, Portland—they discovered an
armored man who claimed he was a High Elf.
was at least half right. Although the man, dressed in chain mail and
helmet, and equipped with sword, staff, and shield, wasn't actually an
elf, he was definitely high.
Bass, 30, of Glendale, Ore., told officers he had taken LSD, and also
identified himself as a "high-elf engaged in battle with the evil
Morgoth." He was cited for criminal mischief and taken to a hospital.
Morgoth, the original dark lord and master of Sauron in J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings mythology,
has at his command various Balrogs, rivers of fire, and, apparently,
BMWs (the official car of the Dark Enemy and sponsor of the last
The car survived the encounter, although police say it was left with several puncture marks.