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He wants to be with me....just not now?

 
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carabunga View Drop Down
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    Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 2:50am
So I've been talking to this guy for a while now. About 5 months to be exact. The relationship started out as a friends with benefits type thing until someone eventually caught feelings and not to long after, the other did too. We dated for about a week and then out of the blue, after one petty argument he broke up with me. I was devastated and confused. I really caught serious feelings for this dude and I tried desperately to get him to take me back and make our relationship work, but now he's telling me that he's not ready for a relationship. I'm confused because since day one he was the one that kept telling me that he wanted to be with me. He was the one that caught feelings first. He was the one that said I love you first...so what's stopping him from being with me now? I believe him when he says that he loves me and wants to be with me. I don't think that he's just using me for sex or as a cushion to fall on when everything backfires. I think that he just truly isn't ready to settle down yet and doesn't want to commit to me until he is. I feel like I rushed him into a relationship with me. He said that he wants to be with me and doesn't want to lose me but he thinks we should stay friends for now. Do you think that it's worth it to wait for him or should I just move on? Who has been in this situation before and how did it work out for you?

Edited by carabunga - Apr 08 2014 at 4:31am
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TOUSHA11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote TOUSHA11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 8:36am
Do not waste your time waiting on any man but GOD. If he wanted to be with you he would. All these are excuses he probably decided it was better being the friends with benefit and does not know how to say it . Most time when you enter those type of relationships you have to go in for fun only do not expect things to change. Please stop having sex with him if you can not control your feelings.When a man truly loves a woman nothing will keep him from being with her. Stop trying to convince yourself of something that he is not showing he can tell you anything but actions need to go with it.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote mangachan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 9:00am
He is doing what you think he is as far as keeping you around as a cushion.  Things are comfortable for him the way they are and he's telling you just enough to keep you hanging on.  This whole thing is about him.  He says he's not ready for a relationship, believe him, move on, and cut him off.  Freinds don't emotionally manipulate each other.  He isn't ready for a relationship but that isn't an excuse for you to stick around while he "gets himself together" for some unknown amount of time.  Let him figure himself out on his time, not yours.  Girls got to STOP accepting all this horse turd from these dudes.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Majesty02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 08 2014 at 11:13am
Sounds like he's currently dealing with other females, but isn't man enough to tell u. I guarantee your not the only one.He wants the benefits of being in a relationship, but doesn't want to put in the hardwork and commitment. 

I'm sure he probably did want to be with you at some point. But keep in mind a man may being feeling a certain way about you now, but feel a completely different way about u the next week.  If he "broke up" with you over 1 little argument that tells you how much value he has placed on your situation. More than likely he'll keep stringing you along for as long as you allow it.  I know its gonna be hard, but your best bet is to cut him off cold turkey. Or tell him you can only be platonic friends (NO SEX INCLUDED) And watch and see his behavior change either for the better or for the worse. Dude is selling you a dream

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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 12:33am
If a guy wants you, he's going to pursue you, point blank.

That dude is not serious. Maybe he likes you.. but definitely not in the way you want to be wanted.

He's stringing you along, hun. If he's not ready for a relationship now despite gassing your head up with all this "oh I want you" parp, I promise you he will never be ready.

So do not wait for him just as he has told you he is not waiting for you. You move on and keep the door open for another man who isn't going to gas you up only to string you along and play indecisive with your heart.

Pull back, hun. That guy promised you nothing. He owes you nothing and I know you feel like you should be in something worthwhile with him because of all the time you've invested, but that's not how things work in the matters of love. The fallibility of dating is exactly why you should never put all your eggs in one basket. The only time you should pay most of your attention to one guy is when that guy has proven he is here for you and only you and is committing to you alone.

No more "but what about what you told me" crap. Just pull away. Don't even tell him, that's pointless. Let your actions speak louder than your words.

You'll know how that dude truly feels when you're out dating and he finds this out. If the prospect of another guy securing your heart bothers him and he finally puts in work in pursuing you, then good. But if he does nothing, it's a confirmation of what your instinct has already told you.
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 12:34am
Originally posted by Majesty02 Majesty02 wrote:

Sounds like he's currently dealing with other females, but isn't man enough to tell u. I guarantee your not the only one.He wants the benefits of being in a relationship, but doesn't want to put in the hardwork and commitment. 

I'm sure he probably did want to be with you at some point. But keep in mind a man may being feeling a certain way about you now, but feel a completely different way about u the next week.  If he "broke up" with you over 1 little argument that tells you how much value he has placed on your situation. More than likely he'll keep stringing you along for as long as you allow it.  I know its gonna be hard, but your best bet is to cut him off cold turkey. Or tell him you can only be platonic friends (NO SEX INCLUDED) And watch and see his behavior change either for the better or for the worse. Dude is selling you a dream


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 1:45am
Is he the same guy with the pics of naked girls?
If yes, then you should not be with him.

If not, you still should not be with him. When a man says he doesn't want to lose you but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, what he is really saying is "I want you around for sex but not around as my girlfriend".
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 1:49am
OH sh*t, IT REALLY IS THE SAME GIRL!

WOMAN... THIS SAME DUDE KEEPS NUDES OF OTHER WOMEN ON HIS PHONE AND REFUSES TO DELETE THEM!


I don't mean any rudeness, but how can you still be asking for advice over a guy who has made it extremely clear he has no solid plans for you? OP, what are you doing? You're literally sticking around for heartbreak and it's terrible to see because you don't deserve all this precious time wasted and all this heartbreak and hell.
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 1:53am
Please don't fuck him anymore.

You're beyond the friends with benefits zone. You two can no longer maintain a simple relationship.

I advise you just to cut him off. Forget being friends, things have grown far too convoluted for a simple and enjoyable friendship.

Please, for you and your heart's sake, cut him off. Be done. You don't have to set him on fire and walk away, but just do a simple and clean cut and keep it stepping. Take time to yourself.

You horny? Masturbate all you need to. But please don't waste any more time than you already have on this guy. 5 months of this crap? All over a single week of dating?

No, you need to leave.


Edited by Midna - Apr 09 2014 at 1:53am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sbrownie84 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 09 2014 at 11:52am
Leave and do not look back. Move on.
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