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He cheated and I want him to

 
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EasterBell View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote EasterBell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:10am
OP, I had the same thing happen to a friend of mines.. She forgave him ( after making his behind work for it).. Now, they are about to get married and is pretty much a changed man.. So, yeah, there are relationships where a cheater was forgiven.. Whether you feel he has changed lies on you.. However, good you letting him work to get back in your good graces..
 
Oh, Do not move in with him or discuss any plans of it.. Take it as slow as possible.. You are not ready for that step with him... Like some one mentioned, It does kind of sound like he is giving you lines.. Thus, why things need to be taking taken slow so you can really feel him out..


Edited by EasterBell - Dec 09 2013 at 11:14am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote JustMe90 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:13am
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

So you really didn't forgive him. You just forgave him to appease him and because you want to still be with him. He can call her in front of you all he wants..that still won't do it for you. Because you didn't allow yourself time to truly heal from what happened. No you shouldn't have him do that. You need to work through your own issues..and if you still have a feeling he is still doing the same thing, well....

You're right on everything but why I forgave him. I forgave him because I truly love him, it's not something that I expect a lot of ppl to understand but the love we share is something different. Above all else he's my best friend, best critic and best supporter. People make mistakes and I could have easily walked away but I made a list of the pro's and con's of our relationship and the good outweighed the bad. It wasn't a deal breaker. Only time will tell if my forgiveness and choice to move forward with the relationship will bite me in the ass. I'm praying it doesn't happen again and I'm spying and doing things like " seeing if he'll do that" just to make sure. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JustMe90 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:18am
Umm no love and hip hop here. I truly believe this is to occur because he's been this way from the go. He believes that a man should provide..point blank. I bought it up to prove the point of me making him "work" for my forgiveness, but it's just in his character to be like that with me.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:19am
dup

Edited by Printer_Ink - Dec 09 2013 at 11:23am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EasterBell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:19am
Originally posted by JustMe90 JustMe90 wrote:

Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

So you really didn't forgive him. You just forgave him to appease him and because you want to still be with him. He can call her in front of you all he wants..that still won't do it for you. Because you didn't allow yourself time to truly heal from what happened. No you shouldn't have him do that. You need to work through your own issues..and if you still have a feeling he is still doing the same thing, well....

You're right on everything but why I forgave him. I forgave him because I truly love him, it's not something that I expect a lot of ppl to understand but the love we share is something different. Above all else he's my best friend, best critic and best supporter. People make mistakes and I could have easily walked away but I made a list of the pro's and con's of our relationship and the good outweighed the bad. It wasn't a deal breaker. Only time will tell if my forgiveness and choice to move forward with the relationship will bite me in the ass. I'm praying it doesn't happen again and I'm spying and doing things like " seeing if he'll do that" just to make sure. 
 
You case is not uncommon..Love makes you do some things.. What's a dealbreaker for someone else may not be for you..Ignore the things he says he wants to buy you cause those may be just lines that he is using to get  back in more quickly.. 


Edited by EasterBell - Dec 09 2013 at 11:23am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:22am
Originally posted by JustMe90 JustMe90 wrote:

Thanks for all of your responses and um concerns about my sexual health. I have been tested and all is clear. I made it a condition for the both of us to be tested if we were to continue our relationship after I discovered the cheating.... Did I ask him to do it? ( call her in front of me and all that mess) Yes, only to hear his response as he should be agreeing to do whatever I asked of him at this point. I didn't say I would or wouldn't do it ( to him), but hearing him say that it "wasn't necessary but he's willing to do whatever it takes", but me at "ease" Including me having access to his phone whenever I see fit. Not that I'm his "parole officer" but just his willingness to prove to me that those behaviours are over..I said "good" and moved on. Just because I have truly forgiven him does not mean that I forgot and I can't just give him a trust he has since violated it has to be earned back, and he understands that. Am I the side bish? Absolutely not, without a question I know where I stand in his life.... On another note..After the fact...He wants me to move in with him, and I get to choose where, and all purchases. I pick, he buys. He wants to pay alllllll the bills, pay for all expenses. He wants me to be secure and well taken care of while I write my book and finish school. He's super supportive, his family loves me and they appreciate me, as do he...He's definitely worth the forgiveness.. I just wanted to seeeee. Lol.



Wrong. (and you got tested that quick?)

Him being willing to dump her in front of you ... does not mean anything! Why do you believe THIS action means he is willing to do anything when what you are asking .. is absoutely meaningless.

Your bar set TOO low if this is how you gauge his loyalty to you. DUH!

As far as him wanting to move in and pay for everything and (oh goody!) ... again means nothing. Duh! It is never a good idea to live with a guy before marriage. It means you are auditioning for the part of wife.

In the end, he has not felt ANY consequences or PAIN to his cheating actions ... he's just buying you off Enstein!!! Try to use your head.

Don't be surprised if you find out more cheating situations because now he knows MONEY is enough to smooth everything over with you.

(Geesh I never met someone that seemed absoutlely PLEASED that she found her man cheating on her because ... that meant he now wants her to move in and he will pay for everything. Talk about .. kidding yourself.)

I think you are selling yourself cheap ... but you will have to learn the hard way.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Dec 09 2013 at 11:32am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JustMe90 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:24am
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Wrong. (and you got tested that quick?)

Him being willing to dump her in front of you ... does not mean anything! Why do you believe THIS action means he is willing to do anything when what are asking .. is absoutely meaningless.

Your bar set TOO low if this is how you gauge his loyalty to you. DUH!

As far as him wanting to move in and pay for everything and (oh goody!) ... again means nothing. Duh! It is never a good idea to live with a guy before marriage. It means you are auditioning for the part of wife.

In the end, he has not felt ANY consequences or PAIN to his cheating actions ... he's just buying you off Enstein!!!

Don't be surprised if you find out more cheating situations because now he knows MONEY is enough to smooth everything over with you.

You are selling yourself cheap ... but you will have to learn the hard way.

Umm yes....
You have no idea what I put him through in regards to "consequences"
Do I feel as if he's buying me? Hell no. He's always been that way with me. Some men, feel as if they should provide for the woman they love and wish to marry. Not all men are looking for a woman to contribute monetarily. 
Your opinion on cohabitation before marriage is just that...different topic not up for discussion in this thread. 
And I said that that's not what's going to prove to me his willingness to change. It's his willingness to do whatever the hell I want, if I go through with it or not. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:25am
Everyone truly does only what they want to do.

This woman wants to continue her relationship with her man, and she will.
He will do exactly what he wants to do as well (good or bad)

Apart from all of the things you both SAY, your actions will reveal what your true will is.

Keep your eyes open and weigh what you see against what you hear.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JustMe90 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:29am
It's not about what he's willing to buy me...it his willingness to show me how I much I mean to him....its not about money. It's about sacrifice. So yes, sacrifice your whole pay to buy me those fire azz Chanel boots, you pay all the damn bills while I finish school. You do this, that and the third. Do you guys know how much  of a blessing it is to have a man take care of you, even though you can do it on your own? When it's something he is absolutely adamant about? I can just save my money!! 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Diane (35) Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:31am
OK OP good luck with whatever decision you make.

Rapid STD testing is not a thing of the future. In office testing is convenient, quick easy no wait time etc etc. My doctor does it (blood urine and swab).Confused
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