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He cheated and I want him to

 
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Ms_Kudos View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Ms_Kudos Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 8:01am
Ya'll do realize OP stopped responding on the first page, right?
I mean all this other banter is amusing, but she nah reading this advice.
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ModelessDiva View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 8:05am
Originally posted by Ms_Kudos Ms_Kudos wrote:

Ya'll do realize OP stopped responding on the first page, right?
I mean all this other banter is amusing, but she nah reading this advice.




lol
that ain't never stopped anybody on here before



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EasterBell View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EasterBell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 8:49am
nvm


Edited by EasterBell - Dec 09 2013 at 8:54am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 9:21am
I think the OP wanted everyone to agree with this nonsensical idea of making him dump the other woman 'in front of her'. (shrugs) That doesn’t mean anything. But really OP…

- what kind of relationship do you have? If it is a real committed relationship (marriage) the only way I would take him back is if we both went to couples counseling. If he's a 'boyfriend' that you took him back .... well, now he knows he CAN cheat and you will take him back. DUH! You teach guys how to treat you.

When a guy cheats .. there has to be SOME SORT OF CONSEQUENCE to his actions:

-     like you put him OUT of your house and he's gotta beg his way back in. This will takes MONTHS .. while he has to watch you go out with other men.

-     Or your both to get into counseling (if you are married)

-     Or if you have your place .. break off with him on Thursday and then Friday, change your hairstyle, your makeup, buy a new dress and start dating other guys. Again .... IF IT'S REAL .. he will have to BEG his way back into your good graces .. and this will take a lonnnng time. Meanwhile ... live your life.

Now, if ya’ll just had a fight about it and he gave you a reason that you were stupid enough to except WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCES .. he will do it again! You will spend all of your spare time wondering what he is doing and where he is going etc … until one day he gets sick of it and dumps YOU. Then you will be crushed. Stupid - you should be dumping HIM.

Lastly, it’s not about the other woman. DUH! So it’s funny that you think if he dumps her in front of you … it will make a difference. It will not.

How do you know he’s not seeing other women as well? You don’t. Like they say .. for every 1 rat you see, there are a hundred more rats that you don’t see.

I repeat .. the only way you can forgive his cheating is IF HE FEELS THE CONSEQUENCES of his cheating so that he pays for it and has to BEG HIS WAY back into your good graces.

Otherwise .. you are with a dog and liar that is running a game on you. He knows you will allow it because you don’t have the self-esteem to ... YANK A KNOT IN HIS TAIL! DUH!



Edited by Printer_Ink - Dec 09 2013 at 9:31am
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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 10:25am
Originally posted by JustMe90 JustMe90 wrote:

Okay so my s/o has cheated and I have since "forgiven" him. I believe in forgiveness and I strongly feel as if our love is worth saving, so your opinion on why I forgave...blah blah blah is not needed. I'm asking...do you think it's too far left for me to ask that he dead the relationship in front of me. Like call her and do it in my presence? Just for my own satisfaction? Or should I just trust him? No smart or snide remarks, please!!!
 
i only read this.  but i would say if she already knows about you...this doesn't seem like a wise course of action to recommend to him because they will still be f*cking...believe that...
 
anyway, if you decide to forgive him...i'd suggest you just do it and try to move on from here...


Edited by ThoughtCouture - Dec 09 2013 at 10:31am
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JustMe90 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote JustMe90 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 10:54am
Thanks for all of your responses and um concerns about my sexual health. I have been tested and all is clear. I made it a condition for the both of us to be tested if we were to continue our relationship after I discovered the cheating.... Did I ask him to do it? ( call her in front of me and all that mess) Yes, only to hear his response as he should be agreeing to do whatever I asked of him at this point. I didn't say I would or wouldn't do it ( to him), but hearing him say that it "wasn't necessary but he's willing to do whatever it takes", but me at "ease" Including me having access to his phone whenever I see fit. Not that I'm his "parole officer" but just his willingness to prove to me that those behaviours are over..I said "good" and moved on. Just because I have truly forgiven him does not mean that I forgot and I can't just give him a trust he has since violated it has to be earned back, and he understands that. Am I the side bish? Absolutely not, without a question I know where I stand in his life.... On another note..After the fact...He wants me to move in with him, and I get to choose where, and all purchases. I pick, he buys. He wants to pay alllllll the bills, pay for all expenses. He wants me to be secure and well taken care of while I write my book and finish school. He's super supportive, his family loves me and they appreciate me, as do he...He's definitely worth the forgiveness.. I just wanted to seeeee. Lol.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:00am

good luck op!

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HaitianDiva64 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote HaitianDiva64 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:03am
You tryna prive how good he is to us or yourself?
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OoDles O View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (13) Thanks(13)   Quote OoDles O Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:06am
Originally posted by JustMe90 JustMe90 wrote:

On another note..After the fact...He wants me to move in with him, and I get to choose where, and all purchases. I pick, he buys. He wants to pay alllllll the bills, pay for all expenses. He wants me to be secure and well taken care of while I write my book and finish school. He's super supportive, his family loves me and they appreciate me, as do he...He's definitely worth the forgiveness.. I just wanted to seeeee. Lol.

Whoa whoa... He's just telling you whatever he knows you want to hear.

You don't watch love and hip hop? 

You should take your time....move at an incremental speed... proceed at your own comfortable pace. At the end of the day just remember, Its YOUR life and you always have a choice.

Talk about a dude who's trying to lock you down and turn you into a fiend for his financial generosity though. 

Be careful.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote kerysdream7 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 09 2013 at 11:09am
It may not be such a great idea to move in with him just yet. He can "take care" of your bills without you living with him. Good Luck!
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