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Joined: Dec 29 2011
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Points: 22603 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 4:25pm

Umm I didn't say anything about that 'Think like a Man' book that Steve Harvey put out. He is a dog that cheated and dogged out his first wife and then tried to make it all her fault because .. she let him dog her out. :( He's no expert.

No, I am talking about books that have been around for 20-30 some years written by Relationship experts that are not just trying get on Oprah. :)

Again .. it is not a game ...it's nature but when people misinterpret what they read .. they will fail and then they will say these kinds of books are useless and you should not play games.

All of what you are saying above is in these books actually .. the thing is it's not always enough to tell a girl these things because she has to use her judgement to assertain if his actions are aloof or if he is bs or whatever. Women don't always have the maturity or the instincts to recognize if the guy is being real - maybe she is even lieing to herself because she wants it to work no matter what - so then her vison is hazy...

There's a lot.

So the obvious is NOT to sleep with him for 2 - 3 months until you figure out if he is a keeper but yes, women can be lonely, horny or whatever and get swept away in the moment .. so whooosh .. that guy is gone and she is hurt. :( Happens every day.

Basically these TIME HONORED books offer insight into the male mind so that even though the girl 'thinks' she has got it together... when she asks a question like 'where do you think this is going' which basically messes it all up - it clear she does not have it together. So whatever little bit of relationship they had ....on put into a tail spin.

And really this guy is not acting like he wants anything real anyway ... but she is not recognizing the signs.

It's a study and women need to study how men think to avoid making mistakes ... this is all I am saying.

The OP is gone anyway and likely still misinterpreting what she is reading if the books are making her mad .., instead of making her think 'Ohhhh' (light bulb goes off in the head) as she recognizes her mistakes.

You have to recognize them though (and maybe that makes her mad for a minute)... if she hopes to avoid repeating them. :)

Oh well.
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Petty LaBelle View Drop Down
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Points: 3423 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 10 2014 at 10:04pm
your title sounds like Sidechick.
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Lea11 View Drop Down
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Points: 567 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 11 2014 at 8:12am
Hi sorry, I hadn't got a email notification in days that I was still getting responses to this plus it was my bday weekend so I was off having fun... thank you for anyone that responded back again.... I get what everyone is saying about those books and in the past I have read and applied the advice given in those books to some guys I've talked to. But for the most part it makes me feel like im not being myself

But as far as this guy goes no im not sleeping with him. And as of right now sex with him doesn't even cross my mind.. yes i have seen him only bc he was invited to my bday party by mutual friends who dont know that we were talking... I basically ignored him most of the night bc I just wanted to have fun and not think about the drama. Funny thing is my family liked him they said he was very attentive to me but I was drunk and remember nothing oh well...

He did try to talk to me about what happen... saying he misses how things were I guess he means the cutesy way I was around him bc he wasn't getting any. And he said the question caught him off gaurd and that I've always had exclusivity

However, The feelings I had that essentially made me ask him that question have all but disappeared. .. I still like him but im not stressing anything at the moment.

Again thank you all for the advice
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Points: 2949 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 12 2014 at 3:33pm
I didn't read every post in this thread, I just kind of skimmed thru so if I missed anything I apologize in advance. But OP I think you already had a gut feeling as to where it was going before you asked....which is no where. I agree with you about mind games and such, imo its ok to ask questions. 
When its really really meant to be you won't have to ask questions, things will just flow naturally.

Personally the relationship that lasted the longest for me was one where we just loved, he told me he loved me first I didn't even respond because he knew I loved him back. Its just a natural flow.
The relationship where I had to ask "where is this going" I honestly already knew it was going no where but I let the fact that I liked him a lil more than the other men I had dated, blind me and have me thinking it meant he was relationship material, and even though I knew he wasn't I still asked. Which was a waste of time because I knew the answer.



Edited by AriesBabe09 - Feb 12 2014 at 3:39pm
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Points: 22603 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 13 2014 at 4:52am

BINGO!

Sounds like you have good instincts :)
 
But this is not the case for every woman. That's my point.
 
For example ' he told me he loved me first I didn't even respond because he knew I loved him back. Its just a natural flow.'  Now see ... this would NOT be the natural flow for every woman. No. I think for a LOT of girls .. they would have immedately said they loved him back and started gushing or they would  have been the first to say 'I love you'  and the list goes on. That would have been natural to them though.
 
Even what you said 'The relationship where I had to ask "where is this going" I honestly already knew it was going no where but I let the  ...'  See a lot of girls are not AWARE of this either. So they ask these kinds of questions and when things go south .. they will feel hurt and not understand why the guy reacted the way he did.
 
All women do not have natural instincts as far as how to handle themselves with men ... so basically they have to learn this stuff.
 
(Hey, on another topic, if we all had good instincts .. then women would not get stupid drunk at a Frat party because instinctually, they would know they have a good chance of being raped. Nope ... they would never get JUST AS DRUNK as the guys because she would know that.. GUYS ARE ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT XXX ... so don't put yourself in a position where they can easily do this to you. Of course, rape happens even when you are locked in your home .. but you get my point ... )
 
I digress:
 
- Some women grow up with loving parents and watched how they interact with each other so they figured out these things
 
- Some women have a natural instinct about men (Helen of Troy for one) :)
 
- Some women watch their gfs and over the years .. they start to figure out what they are doing wrong so they ask questions and/or read books etc and learn.
 
- But for A LOT if women ... they don't have a clue. They will think they should just tell the guy HOW THEY FEEL etc stuff you see in movies which pretty much upsets the applecart and the guy flees. So then they are once again 'hurt' and saying  'I don't understand men' or 'all men are dogs' etc.
 
So for the zilionish time .. this is not a 'game' it is more like a 'dance' .. it is the natural flow of things IF you are intuned with this flow. If not ... it feels like you are not being yourself, you are being fake and you are playing 'mind games'.
 
But when you learn to adapt these principles to you who you are ... they becomes a part of you and you ARE being yourself.
 
(I tell my little nieces the same thing ... because their mother (my sister) is messing up with the loser men in her life so I worry the girls will model this bad behavior and ALSO be unhappy in love!) Just wanna SLAP my sister.)
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