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Lea11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Lea11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 2:34pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

The ladies are all telling you the right thing.

Neveeeeer ask a man 'where this relationship is going' or anything like that. This would be the sane thing as saying 'I love you and want to have your babies'.

HE WILL BE GONE.

Second - 2 months is nothing ... it's not even real yet, but you should not ask a guy this kind of question if you have known him 2 years.

That guy should be begging YOU to know where things are headed.

Remember YOU ARE THE PRIZE. You don't chase him, ask them these questions or in any way let him know you are crazy about him and 'want more'.

Did you already sleep with him? Game over. The guy you want the most .. is the guy that has to WAIT the most - like months for sex ... else the game will be over too soon - and 2 months is too soon for sex.

If you want to BE someone special to him ... you have CONDUCT yourself like someone special instead of laying up with him .. just like any girl around the corner might do.

If he is not giving you the attention you want, (in your best Southern accent) kindly decline his advances until he straightens up. Your 'Dance Card' is FULL. Ahh let's see ... you are booked out fior t he next 2 weeks and DON'T CALL/TEXT him. He'll get the message.

If he does not call you again ... it was never real for him and he has moved on.

YOU = THE PRIZE so make him (any man) work for it.

I tell you .. the more you blow him off .. the more he will chase. Convesely .. the more available you are to him ... the more he will pull away and ultimately BE GONE.

So be unavailable ... most of the time.


Thank you for the advice.... I'm not the type of person to play mind games so that why I asked him.. he's has been claiming to be into me for years so I figured that after 2 mos he should know how he feels. Guess I was wrong.. no we haven't had sex yet I wasn't ready but I was considering it thats another reason why I ask.... even though I asked he's has been still texting me and today he told me he is worried about me and him.. but with the mood I'm in I dont really care. A male friend of mind said since he is now worried we should just both talk and lay our cards on the table. But I'm not in the mood to be around the guy right now
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Printer_Ink View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 3:06pm
Originally posted by Lea11 Lea11 wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

The ladies are all telling you the right thing.

Neveeeeer ask a man 'where this relationship is going' or anything like that. This would be the sane thing as saying 'I love you and want to have your babies'.

HE WILL BE GONE.

Second - 2 months is nothing ... it's not even real yet, but you should not ask a guy this kind of question if you have known him 2 years.

That guy should be begging YOU to know where things are headed.

Remember YOU ARE THE PRIZE. You don't chase him, ask them these questions or in any way let him know you are crazy about him and 'want more'.

Did you already sleep with him? Game over. The guy you want the most .. is the guy that has to WAIT the most - like months for sex ... else the game will be over too soon - and 2 months is too soon for sex.

If you want to BE someone special to him ... you have CONDUCT yourself like someone special instead of laying up with him .. just like any girl around the corner might do.

If he is not giving you the attention you want, (in your best Southern accent) kindly decline his advances until he straightens up. Your 'Dance Card' is FULL. Ahh let's see ... you are booked out fior t he next 2 weeks and DON'T CALL/TEXT him. He'll get the message.

If he does not call you again ... it was never real for him and he has moved on.

YOU = THE PRIZE so make him (any man) work for it.

I tell you .. the more you blow him off .. the more he will chase. Convesely .. the more available you are to him ... the more he will pull away and ultimately BE GONE.

So be unavailable ... most of the time.


Thank you for the advice.... I'm not the type of person to play mind games so that why I asked him.. he's has been claiming to be into me for years so I figured that after 2 mos he should know how he feels. Guess I was wrong.. no we haven't had sex yet I wasn't ready but I was considering it thats another reason why I ask.... even though I asked he's has been still texting me and today he told me he is worried about me and him.. but with the mood I'm in I dont really care. A male friend of mind said since he is now worried we should just both talk and lay our cards on the table. But I'm not in the mood to be around the guy right now



When I was young .. I thought the same thing. 'oh, I want to be honest .. I don't want to play games' etc... Alll crap babygirl!!!

I made the EXACT same mistakes when I was young but there was no internet until I was in my 30's ... so I had to learn THE HARD WAY.

Today.. there is a TON of information about dating men all free on the internet - just enter a query.

Why do you think it's called 'The Dating Game'? Because ... it's a game .. of sorts. It's kind of a 'dance' really. Do you know how to Salsa? The guy's left foot goes forward and your right foot goes back ... move your hips and the do the same on the left leg. But once your left goes forward and his goes forward ... the whole dance get messed up because you are stepping all over each others feet. :(

If this guy has liked you for years and you have NOT had sex yet ... the game is not over. :) hee hee!

Right now .. he is worried. Let him be worried that he has lost you. The longer he has NO CONTACT with you .. the more he will want you.

In the meantime - my advice is to download an ebook like 'Why men love bitches' IMMEDIATELY if not sooner and start reading. The title is only an eye catcher because you will not act like a bitch.

Noo that would be wrong - you will be just as sweet and as pretty as you always have been ONLY you will not be so available for him anymore. :) You will 'have plans' now and then .. even if it's just the day to redo your weave, braids, perms, manicure, pedicure ... whatever.

He will have to ... wait and then ask you again. :) (sly smile) This is the game ... the pursuit... it's in his DNA.

Please read the above book - though there are ZILLIONS of books like it. One book I first read in 1993 was called 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. WHAT AN EYE OPENER!!

I promise you .. if you read these kinds of books .. you will learn to understand how men think and you will land this fella and ... make him fall in love with you.

Whatever you do ..DO NO sit down with him and TELL HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL about him! No. Let HIM sit down and tell YOU how he really feels about YOU! Then you can tell him ... you have to think about it... you are not sure .. you need some time etc... It never pays for a guy to think you like HIM more than he likes You! It's like that messed salsa dance and it screws up the balance of power in the relationship.

Seriously, please do yourself this favor.

Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 04 2014 at 3:23pm
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 3:36pm
And Lea, about the book Printer mentioned, I have actually uploaded the entire Why Men Love Bitches book here. It's in PDF form

Here's the download link. I want you to read it.
http://www.4shared.com/office/ZCoi2hnR/WMLB.html
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Lea11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Lea11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 7:18pm
I have both books already and many other self help dating books so thank you...I understand what "dating game" is about I just dont like the mind games. And im not in the mind frame to re-read those books bc it makes me more angry.... but whatever he's been texting me off and on all day saying his worried so I told him to gather his thoughts and we can talk later this week or next week. Hes said he has his thoughts gathered its just he cant express them or whatever. I just responded back okay... I dont knoe what else to say
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 9:54pm
Originally posted by Lea11 Lea11 wrote:

I have both books already and many other self help dating books so thank you...I understand what "dating game" is about I just dont like the mind games. And im not in the mind frame to re-read those books bc it makes me more angry.... but whatever he's been texting me off and on all day saying his worried so I told him to gather his thoughts and we can talk later this week or next week. Hes said he has his thoughts gathered its just he cant express them or whatever. I just responded back okay... I dont knoe what else to say


But how is continuing to live your life and maintaining your identity a mind game?

WMLB explains why the blunt and straight to the point/no mind games nice girls lose out in the end. Dating isn't a straight to DVD sequel of Cruel Intentions, hun. LOL It's not that kind of mind games.

We can tell you all the truth we like but if the truths to getting you success AND peace are just mind games to you that you openly express dislike for, I don't know what else we can tell you other than do it your way and cross your fingers.

Honestly, though, this guy isn't giving off any promising signs from what you've told. He can't even express his supposedly gathered thoughts and tell you how he feels for you? After supposedly crushing on you for years? After finally talking to you for two months and going nowhere?

I'm glad you aren't entertaining his excuses.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 05 2014 at 10:43am

Correct!

OP hold on ...  you mean to tell me that you read all those books about men ... and you STILL DID NOT know enough not to ask him 'where the relationship is going'? Really? That's pretty basic.
 
He's texting you and GEESH you don't know what to say? I just told you... say nothing. The longer he has to wait and wonder .. the more he will want you. 2 days is nothing. So you caved in .. and said 'okay'. Confused
 
I really think you are making AN ABSOLUTELY HUGE MISTAKE with men if have not grasped the essence of all those book such that you think these are all mind games. It's Biological ... that's why like Minda said you cannot be straight and to the point etc with men. It will not work... for a lot of reasons .. that are outlined in those books actually.
 
Do you think that all those zillions of books can be wrong? I  think you will set up a pattern of behavior with men that you will repeat such that you always be wanting .. if you don't get a grip on this stuff ... EARLY ON.
 
I think you are wasting your time with this fella anyway (shrugs) but it's your life.
 
You will have to find out the hard way.
 


Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 05 2014 at 10:53am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 05 2014 at 9:14pm
While I understand why the ladies have stated that asking a guy where it is going is not good. at the same time, i don't agree that its the worst thing to do. TOO MANY TIMES people waste time wondering what they are, and just go along with the flow.  

NOT all guys/relationships are cookie cutter; therefore, the same advice does not always apply. 

timinig is also subjective. its about where the individuals are at that point of their life. 

in the case with this guy, you see yourself liking him, wanting to grow with him he is just entertaining and enjoying you but not looking to commit.  

its not always a bad thing to ask, ladies.  sometimes truth hurts but can cut out a lot of BS. listen to their words not their actions.

as the ladies have suggested, fall back and if he is truly interested and wants something he will pursue you and you will know.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 05 2014 at 10:43pm
Spokenword, the problem that I see with asking where it is going is because sometimes the guy will lie to keep the girl nearby. Say she will ask what are they (if couple or not) or just ask if they are in a relationship, and the guy will say that they are just getting to know each other, or that he ended a serious relationship only a few months before, or to give him some time to think about where they are going, and the girl, seeing that the guy did not get cold upon being asked and did not disappear on her, thinks that the guy is going to make them official soon.

It is not the worst thing to do, but it is better to not do it. Like you said, sometimes the truth hurts, but most guys do not tell the truth because they are having fun with the girl (especially if she has already had sex with him or at least gives him head).

I made the mistake of asking a date this question, and his reply was "why do girls always ask that?". When I heard his reply, I felt insecure and stupid for asking, but he said right away that he "didn't know." We dated for a bit over a month before we became official, and stayed together for almost 3 years, so in that case it was not bad, but that was because he already liked me.

Edited by sexyandfamous - Feb 05 2014 at 10:45pm
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Lea11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Lea11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 05 2014 at 10:56pm
Thank you spoken word for your advice.... it was a lot more gentle then then the other ladies. Still I do appreciate all advice given...

Like I said before I asked bc I wanted to know and I didnt want to wait 6 mos down the line to bring it up. Since we starting dating he has been nothing but a gentleman and enjoy each other company. I asked simply bc I wanted to know. Yes I have fallen back from him not bc a book says to do but bc it is my personality type of not getting the answer I want.... and to answer no i havent had sex with him or even given him head. I know he wanys it but its been permanently taken of the table
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 05 2014 at 11:33pm
Lea, do what you want. If you want to meet him and hear what he has to say, go ahead, but maybe you should re-read the book just to refresh your mind. I don't like playing games either, but it is better to get out of a situation before you catch feelings and can't get him out of your head.
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