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having the Title

 
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Lea11 View Drop Down
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    Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 2:38pm
So I've been dating this guy for a little over 2 mos and things have been going really good. But I recently asked him what are his attention when it comes to us. He tried to turn the question back on me which annoyed me bc like I wouldn't of asked if I didn't make us official.. so basically his answer was we are having a good time and he wants to see where things are going and he really doesn't like titles...

Now bc he's a "reformed male whore" when he said he doesn't like titles that just made me feel like not calling me his girlfriend gives him an easy out. Now the only reason I know hes reformed male whore is bc we have friends in common which is somewhat of another issue.

Ive been kind of standoff ish with him since that convo i really like him and can see myself liking him a lot more this goes any further but I dont want to get hurt.

So my question is does having the title of girlfriend really matters???
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 6:11pm
Lmao, why are you trying to put a question like that on him?

Hun, isn't this two people dating? He ain't holding your hand like a parent to a child! He doesn't decide where you go, the both of you are individuals who decide the outcome of the relationship!

Anyway, I think you're putting your eggs in this one basket and that is not wise. Maybe you do not mean to, but what I'm feeling from your post is that you have dedicated yourself to this one lone guy when he himself has not done the same and there has been no official reason for you to keep yourself focused to this one guy.

I know you like him, but you two are not official. Do not behave official. Because you two are not official and yet you're making it clear you are PURSUING the official title, he is going to back away.

I do agree that guys are conditioned to chase when it comes to dating. Have your fun, hun! Let him chase you! It's fun for guys and it can be fun for you! But when you're trying to ask him where things are going, you're essentially pouring water on the fire he has for you. Live your life that shows that you are not waiting on him! Don't be silly and be TELLING him things like "hey, I'm gonna date other people to make you jealous!" because that just screams childishness and thirst.

Instead, be more unavailable. I want you to back away for now. Don't always answer his calls. Take your time in responding to his texts. Don't be so readily available to a guy. Basically have your own life too and never let the presence of a male compromise the life you life. Of course you can hang out with him sometimes but let it be PLANNED. Not some "come over and let's chill" crap.

Tell yourself you are a beautiful woman who has a life to live and you'll be DAMNED if you spend any more of that glorious life waiting on a dude who clearly isn't waiting on you!

Besides, you two aren't official. You can go see other people! Man, I won't even be mad if he texts you and you innocently reply that you're getting ready for a date and you'll talk to him later since your phone will be off.

Be confident in yourself, hun. Do not settle for the wait list on a relationship! I'm currently dating someone and he is head over heels for me because I have made sure not to compromise my identity and not to compromise my life over him. As a result, he is always chasing me and I give him enough love to reward him but make my presence a privilege he can't always access so he's always chasing to get it. It sounds silly, but I honestly think it makes things far easier on YOURSELF.

When I was younger and far more naive, I'd invest soooo much time in dudes who clearly didn't plan on making that same investment in me. So they'd fall through and I'd be left feeling like sh*t because all that effort was for naught!

Now here I am doing far different with far more success by doing far less but enough to keep him captivated. And I REALLY like this guy but it feels good to be secure enough in myself to keep it passionate by playing it cool.

It's great you're being standoffish right now, it'd be idiotic to crawl right back to a guy who told you what he told you! You just keep it cool and live your life. He will likely try to check up on you and when you want, you can reply, but do remember that this is a guy who isn't anything official to you so have that boundary because he has not crossed that threshold into actual relationship territory.

Live your life!
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sexyandfamous View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 7:15pm
I wish you had asked in here before asking him, because we would all tell you: never ask a guy about the girlfriend title.

Midna is right, if he hasn't made you guys official yet, you are not his girlfriend, therefore, have fun, continue to allow other men to hit on you, chat with other guys, etc.
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Blac1Chyna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote Blac1Chyna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 7:21pm
He's not a reformed male whore. He is a current male whore. 2 months is more than enough time to be official, if that's what he really wanted. Basically he doesn't. When a dude tell you he don't like titles, take that as code for "We just kicking it". So basically you already know what it is. If he is just kickin it with you, who else is he doing that with? You doing the right thing by being standoffish with him. Keep your distance because you dont want to get hurt by a man who is not all into you.  It does not take half a year for a man to know he wants to lock you down! Had he wanted to be your man he would have used that as an opportunity to take it to the next level. So you can either leave him alone, or keep him around as part of your male harem
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Lea11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Lea11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 9:24pm
Thank you ladies for the advice... yeah I do wish I would have asked advice in here first before I asked him anything.... I'm still not sure what to do and I have spoken to him today and he brought up being distant and said he notice in my eyes that I was going to pull away and he thinks I think he's going to let me dow. But i dont know. Ive dated so many jerks in the last few years... I was just hoping he was one of the good ones
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Lea11 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lea11 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 9:47pm
Another reason for me asking him is he finally wanted wanted tell our friends that we were seeing each other and so I felt it was time to ask. And according to him he hasn't been talking to any female since we started talking
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 03 2014 at 9:50pm
You can be distant emotionally but you don't have to be a Debbie Downer. Be yourself around him, but keep your feelings in check. Don't let him know that that convo made you cool down with him. And when away from him, be a bit unavailable. It is good that he noticed that you are distant, but that does not mean that he cares, so be on guard.
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 2:42am
Originally posted by Lea11 Lea11 wrote:

Thank you ladies for the advice... yeah I do wish I would have asked advice in here first before I asked him anything.... I'm still not sure what to do and I have spoken to him today and he brought up being distant and said he notice in my eyes that I was going to pull away and he thinks I think he's going to let me dow. But i dont know. Ive dated so many jerks in the last few years... I was just hoping he was one of the good ones


Um.. he already has. LOL

At least he's aware of the disappointment without you having to tell him.

Continue your distance and pay attention to more important things and males seriously checking for you that have your interest. LOL
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 2:44am
Originally posted by Lea11 Lea11 wrote:

Another reason for me asking him is he finally wanted wanted tell our friends that we were seeing each other and so I felt it was time to ask. And according to him he hasn't been talking to any female since we started talking


That doesn't mean a thing. You're still not his girlfriend, hun.

That dude can go be a missionary or a male nun but that still wouldn't mean a thing because he has not claimed you as his girlfriend.

The fact that this is so wishy washy after all this time leads me to believe it's better you don't hold your breath over this dude in the long(er) run.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 04 2014 at 12:45pm
The ladies are all telling you the right thing.

Neveeeeer ask a man 'where this relationship is going' or anything like that. This would be the sane thing as saying 'I love you and want to have your babies'.

HE WILL BE GONE.

Second - 2 months is nothing ... it's not even real yet, but you should not ask a guy this kind of question if you have known him 2 years.

That guy should be begging YOU to know where things are headed.

Remember YOU ARE THE PRIZE. You don't chase him, ask them these questions or in any way let him know you are crazy about him and 'want more'.

Did you already sleep with him? Game over. The guy you want the most .. is the guy that has to WAIT the most - like months for sex ... else the game will be over too soon - and 2 months is too soon for sex.

If you want to BE someone special to him ... you have CONDUCT yourself like someone special instead of laying up with him .. just like any girl around the corner might do.

If he is not giving you the attention you want, (in your best Southern accent) kindly decline his advances until he straightens up. Your 'Dance Card' is FULL. Ahh let's see ... you are booked out fior t he next 2 weeks and DON'T CALL/TEXT him. He'll get the message.

If he does not call you again ... it was never real for him and he has moved on.

YOU = THE PRIZE so make him (any man) work for it.

I tell you .. the more you blow him off .. the more he will chase. Convesely .. the more available you are to him ... the more he will pull away and ultimately BE GONE.

So be unavailable ... most of the time.

Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 04 2014 at 1:04pm
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