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Organic 
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 Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 3:00am |
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...and you already know that toxic environments create toxic people. It's cyclical. I know it's hard to fathom, but you should try to be happy for your parents for attempting to break the cycle of dysfunction, hostility and negativity.
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Jewelsnyc
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:27am |
 Organic wrote:
Sang may be trolin' sometimes, but one thing she said on BHM before that stood out to me was
"marriage got messed up when love got involved"
My parents have never been married, but they have the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. My dad epitomizes how a man should treat his woman, and my mom is the quintessential loving lady. They split up (moved into different houses, etc.) when my sister and I were teenagers because, as PeacefulOne said, they grew apart. They didn't argue and quarrel, but the atmosphere in the home changed. We didin't see them hug and kiss and play around like one time. It was just quiet and tense. It felt like I was in a stranger's home. Being in a new country took its toll on all of us in different ways, I guess. My sister and I were hurt at first because we were so used to seeing mommy and daddy together, so to see that connection fade away felt like a piece of us had faded away as well. I can't explain it - it was like our world had changed. Nothing was as it used to be, and change is almost always hard, especially when it's a perceived negative change.
Anyway, after they 'moved on', they remained best friends. To this day, they are still madly in love with each other and set a great standard for my sister and I. Even though my mom is married now (my step father is a great guy as well), my dad will always be number 1 in her heart. My mom and dad were best friends when they were children, and so they have always had a strong bond.
I'm sorry for those of you who are hurting and having to witness the bitterness of divorce  , but please realize that your relationships with your parents will suffer if they are unhappy. They are people too, and they need to be happy in order for you all to be a functional and healthy familial unit. |
I think I needed to read this post. Thanks O.
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val48066
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:34am |
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i have advised my parents to get divorced. at the time, i thought this was the best course of action for the well being of the entire family. if i sit down to think about it in the next five minutes, i would probably say they should still divorce for their own personal, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well being, but i need to wash my hair. at this point in time, they have been together so long, are so intertwined with each other that they don't know how to separate. but they no longer know how to be together either.
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bubblyboo
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:55am |
Elohim_is_Love wrote:
If I get married to you, we are staying together till we die, happy or not happy.  |
That is the saaaaaammmmmmmeeee way I feel. You can't just give up! Im in my feelings right now 😩
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SamoneLenior
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:24am |
I don't think (most) adult children do not understand all that you have posted but, even though their parents' relationship is not great, they may still wish they could work it out and stay together back to the tree that was cut down...yeah it shed like a bitch, but it was there for 40 years, I was used to it and to see it gone, never to return....man 
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Organic
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 12:56pm |
Jewelsnyc wrote:
Organic wrote:
Sang may be trolin' sometimes, but one thing she said on BHM before that stood out to me was
"marriage got messed up when love got involved"
My parents have never been married, but they have the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. My dad epitomizes how a man should treat his woman, and my mom is the quintessential loving lady. They split up (moved into different houses, etc.) when my sister and I were teenagers because, as PeacefulOne said, they grew apart. They didn't argue and quarrel, but the atmosphere in the home changed. We didin't see them hug and kiss and play around like one time. It was just quiet and tense. It felt like I was in a stranger's home. Being in a new country took its toll on all of us in different ways, I guess. My sister and I were hurt at first because we were so used to seeing mommy and daddy together, so to see that connection fade away felt like a piece of us had faded away as well. I can't explain it - it was like our world had changed. Nothing was as it used to be, and change is almost always hard, especially when it's a perceived negative change.
Anyway, after they 'moved on', they remained best friends. To this day, they are still madly in love with each other and set a great standard for my sister and I. Even though my mom is married now (my step father is a great guy as well), my dad will always be number 1 in her heart. My mom and dad were best friends when they were children, and so they have always had a strong bond.
I'm sorry for those of you who are hurting and having to witness the bitterness of divorce , but please realize that your relationships with your parents will suffer if they are unhappy. They are people too, and they need to be happy in order for you all to be a functional and healthy familial unit. |
I think I needed to read this post. Thanks O. |
You're welcome, ladybug.
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Organic
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 12:58pm |
Elohim_is_Love wrote:
If I get married to you, we are staying together till we die, happy or not happy. |
...do ya'll see this psycho-ness...hiding behind the bushes with lighter fluid, a pair of his wife's panties and a copy of the marriage license...running nude down the street...you have to let go sometimes, breh  .
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EPITOME
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 1:33pm |
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honestly, idk if it is reserved to parents. i remember my dh telling me when he found out that his sister and her husband were having marital problems he thought "wow..if they can't make it who can?" this was over a decade ago and they worked through it but they were an example to him of how marriage worked and his BIL served as an example to him of how a husband behaves, which is why he was his best man.
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Chyna_Li
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 3:30pm |
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i wouldnt care.
i wish my father would divorce my step mother and rid the family of "thee step-others"
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carolina cutie
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Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 7:28pm |
gabi03 wrote:
I didn't think people who were grown took their parents divorce so seriously...its really not that big of a deal. *this is going to sound heartless but whatever* You want them to be happy and sometimes that means for them to be apart, I find that grown children crying over their parents divorce kinda selfish. Its not about you, like others have mentioned, they probably stayed in a relationship they couldn't stand because of you. Let them divorce and be happy. I was happy as hell when my parents split, I was in the single digits but I could feel that tension in the household and it wasn't good for me, my bro or my mom...sometimes cords have to be cut. I couldn't imagine living in a home where two people hate one another, I'd rather have you be apart and happy, than together and miserable just because you want to give me a two parent home. I'd take two loving happy single parent homes over that sh*t any day. I still keep a close relationship with my dad and my parents are actually nicer to each other now than they ever were married, its not all bad when they split. |
And there you have it. 
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