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Has anyones parents gotten divorced later in life

 
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PurplePhase View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote PurplePhase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:09pm
I think the kids feel torn after the divorce. One time when my nephew was riding  home with me from college (he was at duke-yuck, I was at carolina-yay) , and I asked him    where do you want me to drop you off? . He got all stressed and flustered.  He started going into panic mode about 50 miles out. If he goes to mom's first dad will be mad, if he goes to dad's house first mom will say why didn't you come here first? Never occurred to me that such a simple question could cause so much angst. 

Edited by PurpleHaze - Nov 27 2012 at 5:10pm
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modelbusiness82 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:12pm
Yeah,

Fortunately or unfortunately, I don't have a real relationship with my father. So I never had to worry about offending someone by visiting one person's house before the other. However, I have had to deal with close friends breaking up and it's like a friendship custody battle. You have to be careful what you say around one person so that it doesn't sound like you're spying on their ex. It's really obnoxious. So I definitely get the unnecessary angst angle.

@Purple: I went to Duke!!! Blue Devils!


Edited by modelbusiness82 - Nov 27 2012 at 5:13pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote gabi03 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:52pm
I didn't think people who were grown took their parents divorce so seriously...its really not that big of a deal. *this is going to sound heartless but whatever* You want them to be happy and sometimes that means for them to be apart, I find that grown children crying over their parents divorce kinda selfish. Its not about you, like others have mentioned, they probably stayed in a relationship they couldn't stand because of you. Let them divorce and be happy. I was happy as hell when my parents split, I was in the single digits but I could feel that tension in the household and it wasn't good for me, my bro or my mom...sometimes cords have to be cut. I couldn't imagine living in a home where two people hate one another, I'd rather have you be apart and happy, than together and miserable just because you want to give me a two parent home. I'd take two loving happy single parent homes over that sh*t any day. 
I still keep a close relationship with my dad and my parents are actually nicer to each other now than they ever were married, its not all bad when they split. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote PeacefulOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 2:26am
Originally posted by gabi03 gabi03 wrote:

I didn't think people who were grown took their parents divorce so seriously...its really not that big of a deal. *this is going to sound heartless but whatever* You want them to be happy and sometimes that means for them to be apart, I find that grown children crying over their parents divorce kinda selfish. Its not about you, like others have mentioned, they probably stayed in a relationship they couldn't stand because of you. Let them divorce and be happy. I was happy as hell when my parents split, I was in the single digits but I could feel that tension in the household and it wasn't good for me, my bro or my mom...sometimes cords have to be cut. I couldn't imagine living in a home where two people hate one another, I'd rather have you be apart and happy, than together and miserable just because you want to give me a two parent home. I'd take two loving happy single parent homes over that sh*t any day. 
I still keep a close relationship with my dad and my parents are actually nicer to each other now than they ever were married, its not all bad when they split. 
 
You are so right.  My ex and I are so much happier now.  But we promised that we would never say negative things about each other to our child.  We are still friends.  We still say I love you to each other.  It wasn't a mistake to be married or together for 20+ years. We don't hate each other. We visit each other.  We still jointly own property.   It was just time to move on.  People grow apart.  People CHANGE.  Needs change.
 
 It takes work to remain a "family" unit but we still are.  Sometimes its hard, But it is possible. And I recommend it.
 
My brother thinks it's funny that my ex and I are still on good terms.  He and his ex are mortal enemies.  20 years after the break up.  What a waste of energy. Cry


Edited by PeacefulOne - Nov 28 2012 at 2:27am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Organic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 2:57am
Sang may be trolin' sometimes, but one thing she said on BHM before that stood out to me was

"marriage got messed up when love got involved"

My parents have never been married, but they have the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. My dad epitomizes how a man should treat his woman, and my mom is the quintessential loving lady. They split up (moved into different houses, etc.) when my sister and I were teenagers because, as PeacefulOne said, they grew apart. They didn't argue and quarrel, but the atmosphere in the home changed. We didin't see them hug and kiss and play around like one time. It was just quiet and tense. It felt like I was in a stranger's home. Being in a new country took its toll on all of us in different ways, I guess. My sister and I were hurt at first because we were so used to seeing mommy and daddy together, so to see that connection fade away felt like a piece of us had faded away as well. I can't explain it - it was like our world had changed. Nothing was as it used to be, and change is almost always hard, especially when it's a perceived negative change. 

Anyway, after they 'moved on', they remained best friends. To this day, they are still madly in love with each other and set a great standard for my sister and I. Even though my mom is married now (my step father is a great guy as well), my dad will always be number 1 in her heart. My mom and dad were best friends when they were children, and so they have always had a strong bond.

I'm sorry for those of you who are hurting and having to witness the bitterness of divorce Hug, but please realize that your relationships with your parents will suffer if they are unhappy. They are people too, and they need to be happy in order for you all to be a functional and healthy familial unit. 


Edited by Organic - Nov 28 2012 at 2:58am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Organic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 3:00am
...and you already know that toxic environments create toxic people. It's cyclical. I know it's hard to fathom, but you should try to be happy for your parents for attempting to break the cycle of dysfunction, hostility and negativity. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:27am
Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

Sang may be trolin' sometimes, but one thing she said on BHM before that stood out to me was

"marriage got messed up when love got involved"

My parents have never been married, but they have the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. My dad epitomizes how a man should treat his woman, and my mom is the quintessential loving lady. They split up (moved into different houses, etc.) when my sister and I were teenagers because, as PeacefulOne said, they grew apart. They didn't argue and quarrel, but the atmosphere in the home changed. We didin't see them hug and kiss and play around like one time. It was just quiet and tense. It felt like I was in a stranger's home. Being in a new country took its toll on all of us in different ways, I guess. My sister and I were hurt at first because we were so used to seeing mommy and daddy together, so to see that connection fade away felt like a piece of us had faded away as well. I can't explain it - it was like our world had changed. Nothing was as it used to be, and change is almost always hard, especially when it's a perceived negative change. 

Anyway, after they 'moved on', they remained best friends. To this day, they are still madly in love with each other and set a great standard for my sister and I. Even though my mom is married now (my step father is a great guy as well), my dad will always be number 1 in her heart. My mom and dad were best friends when they were children, and so they have always had a strong bond.

I'm sorry for those of you who are hurting and having to witness the bitterness of divorce Hug, but please realize that your relationships with your parents will suffer if they are unhappy. They are people too, and they need to be happy in order for you all to be a functional and healthy familial unit. 
I think I needed to read this post. Thanks O.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote val48066 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:34am
i have advised my parents to get divorced. at the time, i thought this was the best course of action for the well being of the entire family. if i sit down to think about it in the next five minutes, i would probably say they should still divorce for their own personal, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well being, but i need to wash my hair.  at this point in time, they have been together so long, are so intertwined with each other that they don't know how to separate.  but they no longer know how to be together either. 
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Originally posted by Elohim_is_Love Elohim_is_Love wrote:

If I get married to you, we are staying together till we die, happy or not happy. Angry

That is the saaaaaammmmmmmeeee way I feel. You can't just give up! Im in my feelings right now 😩
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Organic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 12:56pm
Originally posted by Jewelsnyc Jewelsnyc wrote:

Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

Sang may be trolin' sometimes, but one thing she said on BHM before that stood out to me was

"marriage got messed up when love got involved"

My parents have never been married, but they have the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. My dad epitomizes how a man should treat his woman, and my mom is the quintessential loving lady. They split up (moved into different houses, etc.) when my sister and I were teenagers because, as PeacefulOne said, they grew apart. They didn't argue and quarrel, but the atmosphere in the home changed. We didin't see them hug and kiss and play around like one time. It was just quiet and tense. It felt like I was in a stranger's home. Being in a new country took its toll on all of us in different ways, I guess. My sister and I were hurt at first because we were so used to seeing mommy and daddy together, so to see that connection fade away felt like a piece of us had faded away as well. I can't explain it - it was like our world had changed. Nothing was as it used to be, and change is almost always hard, especially when it's a perceived negative change. 

Anyway, after they 'moved on', they remained best friends. To this day, they are still madly in love with each other and set a great standard for my sister and I. Even though my mom is married now (my step father is a great guy as well), my dad will always be number 1 in her heart. My mom and dad were best friends when they were children, and so they have always had a strong bond.

I'm sorry for those of you who are hurting and having to witness the bitterness of divorce Hug, but please realize that your relationships with your parents will suffer if they are unhappy. They are people too, and they need to be happy in order for you all to be a functional and healthy familial unit. 
I think I needed to read this post. Thanks O.

Hug You're welcome, ladybug.
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