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Has anyone's parents gotten divorced later in life

 
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Sang Froid View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 4:35pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

 
you have no heart

or trollin

Nah I'm just not into pity parties.
And I just don't understand why people would think of their parents as some infallible beings.
They are human and have *&%^$#@Eed up relationships like everybody else. 



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 4:37pm
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

 
you have no heart

or trollin

Nah I'm just not into pity parties.
And I just don't understand why people would think of their parents as some infallible beings.
They are human and have *&%^$#@Eed up relationships like everybody else. 





they get that part but they are still sad to see them get divorced
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goodm3 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 4:45pm
Originally posted by Limalady Limalady wrote:

Some people put a lot of their self-worth and value in coming from a 2 parent home. If one took pride in having the typical, nuclear family, I can see why divorce (even later in life), would be a difficult adjustment. If someone viewed their parents as the epitome of love or marriage, the demise of that relationship may be difficult to accept. This is just my hypothesis. I have never experienced this.


this. to me, if you're parents are married, your initial views on love and marriage is based on your parents' relationship. why would i look to Barack and Michele when I have my own parents.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 4:56pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by Limalady Limalady wrote:

Some people put a lot of their self-worth and value in coming from a 2 parent home. If one took pride in having the typical, nuclear family, I can see why divorce (even later in life), would be a difficult adjustment. If someone viewed their parents as the epitome of love or marriage, the demise of that relationship may be difficult to accept. This is just my hypothesis. I have never experienced this.


this. to me, if you're parents are married, your initial views on love and marriage is based on your parents' relationship. why would i look to Barack and Michele when I have my own parents.


This - to both posts.

Sure your parents relationship isn't your relationship, but it's still something that you're exposed to. Even though my parents didn't get officially divorced until I was way older, seeing them apart and the tension between them definitely shaped how I wanted a relationship to be and the kind of man I wanted (or didn't want).

So to say "what's the big deal/get over it" is a little ridiculous in my opinion. From a psych perspective, your parents are the key aspects for shaping your moral compass, how you view the world, etc. And especially later in life, to see your parents divorce may make some people wonder if the whole thing (their parents marriage) was a charade - even if they know that it's better for their parents to be apart.

Anyone who's been in an LTR or has relatives/ long time friends who've been in an LTR/married and later broke up will tell you, when it happens to someone close to you (or yourself), you're going to get shaken a bit.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote carolina cutie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:05pm
Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

Originally posted by Limalady Limalady wrote:

Some people put a lot of their self-worth and value in coming from a 2 parent home. If one took pride in having the typical, nuclear family, I can see why divorce (even later in life), would be a difficult adjustment. If someone viewed their parents as the epitome of love or marriage, the demise of that relationship may be difficult to accept. This is just my hypothesis. I have never experienced this.

okay.
cuz i was just about to ask, how your parents splitting up would dramatically effect your life when you're grown. No choosing between parents and holidays, switching back and forth between homes, changes in financial lifestyle. Talk to me when your parents get divorced when you're a child or teenager. 
But i'll take this explanation and be understanding
I will stick with this as well because I'm not feeling all that understanding and folk are serious in this thread.Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote PurplePhase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:09pm
I think the kids feel torn after the divorce. One time when my nephew was riding  home with me from college (he was at duke-yuck, I was at carolina-yay) , and I asked him    where do you want me to drop you off? . He got all stressed and flustered.  He started going into panic mode about 50 miles out. If he goes to mom's first dad will be mad, if he goes to dad's house first mom will say why didn't you come here first? Never occurred to me that such a simple question could cause so much angst. 

Edited by PurpleHaze - Nov 27 2012 at 5:10pm
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modelbusiness82 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:12pm
Yeah,

Fortunately or unfortunately, I don't have a real relationship with my father. So I never had to worry about offending someone by visiting one person's house before the other. However, I have had to deal with close friends breaking up and it's like a friendship custody battle. You have to be careful what you say around one person so that it doesn't sound like you're spying on their ex. It's really obnoxious. So I definitely get the unnecessary angst angle.

@Purple: I went to Duke!!! Blue Devils!


Edited by modelbusiness82 - Nov 27 2012 at 5:13pm
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gabi03 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote gabi03 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 5:52pm
I didn't think people who were grown took their parents divorce so seriously...its really not that big of a deal. *this is going to sound heartless but whatever* You want them to be happy and sometimes that means for them to be apart, I find that grown children crying over their parents divorce kinda selfish. Its not about you, like others have mentioned, they probably stayed in a relationship they couldn't stand because of you. Let them divorce and be happy. I was happy as hell when my parents split, I was in the single digits but I could feel that tension in the household and it wasn't good for me, my bro or my mom...sometimes cords have to be cut. I couldn't imagine living in a home where two people hate one another, I'd rather have you be apart and happy, than together and miserable just because you want to give me a two parent home. I'd take two loving happy single parent homes over that sh*t any day. 
I still keep a close relationship with my dad and my parents are actually nicer to each other now than they ever were married, its not all bad when they split. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote PeacefulOne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 2:26am
Originally posted by gabi03 gabi03 wrote:

I didn't think people who were grown took their parents divorce so seriously...its really not that big of a deal. *this is going to sound heartless but whatever* You want them to be happy and sometimes that means for them to be apart, I find that grown children crying over their parents divorce kinda selfish. Its not about you, like others have mentioned, they probably stayed in a relationship they couldn't stand because of you. Let them divorce and be happy. I was happy as hell when my parents split, I was in the single digits but I could feel that tension in the household and it wasn't good for me, my bro or my mom...sometimes cords have to be cut. I couldn't imagine living in a home where two people hate one another, I'd rather have you be apart and happy, than together and miserable just because you want to give me a two parent home. I'd take two loving happy single parent homes over that sh*t any day. 
I still keep a close relationship with my dad and my parents are actually nicer to each other now than they ever were married, its not all bad when they split. 
 
You are so right.  My ex and I are so much happier now.  But we promised that we would never say negative things about each other to our child.  We are still friends.  We still say I love you to each other.  It wasn't a mistake to be married or together for 20+ years. We don't hate each other. We visit each other.  We still jointly own property.   It was just time to move on.  People grow apart.  People CHANGE.  Needs change.
 
 It takes work to remain a "family" unit but we still are.  Sometimes its hard, But it is possible. And I recommend it.
 
My brother thinks it's funny that my ex and I are still on good terms.  He and his ex are mortal enemies.  20 years after the break up.  What a waste of energy. Cry


Edited by PeacefulOne - Nov 28 2012 at 2:27am
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Organic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Organic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 2:57am
Sang may be trolin' sometimes, but one thing she said on BHM before that stood out to me was

"marriage got messed up when love got involved"

My parents have never been married, but they have the most beautiful relationship I've ever seen. My dad epitomizes how a man should treat his woman, and my mom is the quintessential loving lady. They split up (moved into different houses, etc.) when my sister and I were teenagers because, as PeacefulOne said, they grew apart. They didn't argue and quarrel, but the atmosphere in the home changed. We didin't see them hug and kiss and play around like one time. It was just quiet and tense. It felt like I was in a stranger's home. Being in a new country took its toll on all of us in different ways, I guess. My sister and I were hurt at first because we were so used to seeing mommy and daddy together, so to see that connection fade away felt like a piece of us had faded away as well. I can't explain it - it was like our world had changed. Nothing was as it used to be, and change is almost always hard, especially when it's a perceived negative change. 

Anyway, after they 'moved on', they remained best friends. To this day, they are still madly in love with each other and set a great standard for my sister and I. Even though my mom is married now (my step father is a great guy as well), my dad will always be number 1 in her heart. My mom and dad were best friends when they were children, and so they have always had a strong bond.

I'm sorry for those of you who are hurting and having to witness the bitterness of divorce Hug, but please realize that your relationships with your parents will suffer if they are unhappy. They are people too, and they need to be happy in order for you all to be a functional and healthy familial unit. 


Edited by Organic - Nov 28 2012 at 2:58am
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