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czardragon View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Guy Opinions: Being a gentleman a double standard?
    Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 4:59pm
Guys, something I've always wondered.  Do you think that its a double standard for females to want to be considered equal, yet still expect to have doors held open for them, chairs pulled out, etc.?  Or does it upset you when a female doesn't want you to do things like that for them?
 
My POV, is that I consider myself equal with guys, so I don't feel there should be a special need for them to go out of their way to do things like that for me.  I won't be like "no, don't hold the door open for me, dammit!" lol....but I'll open doors for males or females, for example.  To me it's just a common courtesy that I would extend to anyone if I saw that it might be helpful. 
 
I know that guys that I know never do it for me, but I don't know if it's because they just don't do it in general, or because I'm so much like a guy that they just view me as "one of them."  I don't know, maybe if I was more feminine or whatever they might.
 
What's your take on the situation?
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Continental View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:08pm
Yeah, I was just brought up to do stuff like that.  A DOUBLE STANDARD to me would be more like a woman screaming "we're equal" - but when it comes to work or let's say the military, she doesn't have to lift something or go somewhere because I have the penis and she doesn't - all while we're being paid the same.  I think I'd have a problem with that.  Opening a door/pulling out a chair?  I'm all for that.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:11pm

firm, jamaica, I hope it didn't sound like I was implying that you guys should stop or anything like that.  I can appreciate that you have enough respect for what you were taught to show that courtesy.

Jamaica, can you elaborate on your statement about switching back and forth?  Like I said, I consider us equals, but I can't help but wonder sometimes if I do the switching thing as well, and not even realize it. 
 
If you'd rather not elaborate, I understand, because that can be a touchy subject.  I'm sure we can all discuss it rationally, but I would understand if you'd rather not go there.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:13pm
Originally posted by BAM BAM BAM BAM wrote:

I'm from the south so being courteous was something I learned at an early age. I've been with a woman who expected me to open every door and I've been with one who didn't care. I just go with the flow now so a problem wont come out of nothing.I cant speak on the next man as to why they don't open doors though. Maybe they do look at you as one of the fellas, i dunno.


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:19pm
Originally posted by BAM BAM BAM BAM wrote:

I'm from the south so being courteous was something I learned at an early age. I've been with a woman who expected me to open every door and I've been with one who didn't care. I just go with the flow now so a problem wont come out of nothing.

I cant speak on the next man as to why they don't open doors though. Maybe they do look at you as one of the fellas, i dunno.
 
Interesting...I actually hadn't even considered regional differences.  I wouldn't really consider my location down south (it's like right in the middle), but a lot of the guy acquaintances I was referring to, I met up north when I was in college.  I don't know if that has any bearing or not.  Not that I'm upset about it, or anything.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:19pm
I feel like i still like old standards, i don't mind working and stuff but i feel like the man should be head of the household, CHIVALRY is NOT dead (well in NY it is but anyway) Men should resume their roles
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:22pm
sorry, dp....


Edited by czardragon - Jul 31 2009 at 5:29pm
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:28pm
If a guy isnt a gentleman then it's a turn off. I'm in the south and I really cannot stand a dude with no manners.  It's like, oh you want my pussy and you wanna have sex with me but you cant even treat me like a lady is supposed to be treated?  What kind of girl do you think I am?  So non-gentlemen are actually an insult to me, I put them in the Friend Zone.

A man should always be a gentlemen, whats up with with some females getting offended if he is opening a door for you? At least he didnt let it slam in your face! I would think its a compliment that he thinks enough of you to put forth the extra effort
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:29pm
Originally posted by Continental Continental wrote:

Yeah, I was just brought up to do stuff like that.  A DOUBLE STANDARD to me would be more like a woman screaming "we're equal" - but when it comes to work or let's say the military, she doesn't have to lift something or go somewhere because I have the penis and she doesn't - all while we're being paid the same.  I think I'd have a problem with that.  Opening a door/pulling out a chair?  I'm all for that.
 
Ok, I can see what you mean.  I think in a lot of cases, the situation should be determined by the physical capabilities of the people in question.  So for example, I'm not a very strong person, so I might ask a guy for help lifting something if it's clear that he is more capable of it then I am, but then again if we were in mixed company, I'd probably just ask something like can somebody help me.  I would try to do the same for anybody, man or woman, if I saw them trying to do something that I might be able to help with or might be more suited for.  But I do agree, that if we're being paid to do a job, we split the work up according to whose best suited for the task, not by gender.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 31 2009 at 5:34pm
im in the south too and speaking as a man its all about the women u talk to...if she ghetto she proably wouldnt recognize a real man anyway.....
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