JACKED from LSA
The nose slicing incident:
If you have been following along you will know that my aunt Gail dated reecie, the dude my uncle beat to the white meat and then partnered up in spades with the same night. Well, after reecie, she met and married the man who became my uncle Archie. She had four children with Archie but that is not the focus of this story.
Archie came from a hell raising family of his own from Greensboro,N. Carolina. He had three other brothers but i can only recall two of their names: Junie and Roosevelt. They were the kind of brothers that would fight and then be drinking partners again within the hour. Archie was the youngest.
Once again, spades was involved.
What is it about spades that brings out the beast in my people and their friends?? In a separate incident, a friend of my mom invited them over to play spades and the chicks husband ended up jumping on the table and pimp slapping her on the forehead for reneging. they put the cards away shortly thereafter.
my mom, stepdad, and us kids all went to my aunts house for a night of good times, laughter, and spades. The liquor was flowing and the sh*t talking was in full swing. My love of the word "motha*&%^$#@Ea" can be pinpointed and traced through the families of both my mother and biological father and i can guarantee you it will end at a round green felt covered table with a deck of bicycle cards dead center.
So everyone is tipsy and high. Everyone is watching the spades game between my step dad and my uncle Ronald (slayer of reecie) as partners on one side and my uncle Archie and his brother junie on the other. the amount of sh*t talking has grown to critical levels. "cocksucker, motha*&%^$#@Ea, hoe bitch, and punk" are being thrown around by every member of the house including some kids.
The game is to be played to 500. Sandbagging is allowed. Joker joker Deuce Ace is the format. no kitty. The score (from what I recall) is around 430 to 465 with six card left. both teams have bid above bitch (aka board for those who don't play). my step dad plays a king or jack of hearts that he has been saving for this moment. My uncle archie comes high with the big joker and the room goes silent...followed by:
"whoa whoa whoa!! Brotha you aint got a heart or a lower spade"
"naw man, that's what i got and if you study long you study wrong. get the books while you can."
I am not gonna believe this Brotha aint got a heart, a club, or a diamond. You cock sucking?? you reneging??"
The dreaded R-word has been unleashed. Reneg. In a spades playing family, it is better to curse jesus christ than renege in a spades game. Once the card hits the table there is no going back. reneging is generally followed by abject violence but we will get to that in just a few short moments.
Uncle Archie stands firm in his statement that he had no choice but to throw the joker and, being that he made the books that he called, he held up his in of the bargain. Everyone is now watching the board like a hawk hunting a rat in a snow covered field. You could hear a church mouse piss on cotton. that is how quiet it is.
the game is played down to three cards. Junie leads with a five of hearts. my step dad follows with a two of diamonds. Uncle Ronald throws in the queen of hearts.
Archie needs to bring it home with a spade...any spade will do.
Archie plays the seven of hearts.
The entire room erupts in ignorant verbal violence. Archie did not notice the heart he had when he played the joker and has now reneged, costing his team four books and the game. Junie is calling archie a motherless whore and his brother Roosevelt is cheering him on in the background. My step dad and uncle Ronald (reecie slayer) are slapping fives and popping beers in celebration. They bid seven and have won the game. Everybody and their baby mama is either happy as sh*t or as hot as fish grease. There will be blood spilled tonight.
Side note: i hate to do this cause I kinda feel bad, but i am just going to say it. Uncle archie married into the family so him and his brothers are not blood family but are still kinda of family so what followed did not really damage our name but since they are kinda family we are accepting the shame as a whole..but keep in mind that they are a different DNA so we are just sorta accepting the shame. Moving on...
Archie goes on the defensive and tells junie that he did not want to use the cards that he(junie) brought over because they were old and stick together which is why he did not see the heart behind the club and he reneged unintentionally. Roosevelt chimed in from the back and said Archie was using the same coochie ass excuses that he used on their mama and got away with everything but it ain't gonna fly tonight. Archie told him not to bring their dead mama into this sh*t and they mad cause mama said they were not gonna be sh*t and she was right.
junie exploded over the table and started punching Archie. they flipped and flopped all over the house with everyone else cheering for either side. Personally, I was on my uncle Archie's side because he was always good to me and would get me chico-stix from the corner store when he went to get beer.
Archie got on top and started whaling on junie. I guess that was too much for the other two brothers to take. They were on junie's side, you see. Roosevelt hit Archie in the side of the head with a left hand and brother#3 (cannot remember his name) pinned Archie to the ground by his shoulders.
Junie pulled out a switchblade and screamed "mama always loved you best!!" before slicing Archie across the tip of his nose, severing it.
Aunt gail screamed 'LLLOOORRRDDD!!!!" before collapsing in the corner. Blood was everywhere as archie ran out into the living room. My step dad and uncle Ronald looked at each other and burst out laughing as bystanders picked up the nose tip and hauled it and Archie into the car and made for the hospital. Ms. Blue Joan started going on about how Brothas can't never have nothing nice. The other kids and i got bored and went into the kitchen to finish off the deviled eggs and potato salad,
Archie and 'nem got back around four in the morning. Archie did not have health insurance so rather than trying to save the tip of his nose, the doctors cleaned the wound, stitched it up into an almost floral pattern, and covered the rest with liquid stitches, After it healed it looked like a sunflower with a light brown patch in the middle.
Everyone involved got over it and were playing cards again within the next three months. That is the thing about hood families. we go through so much on a daily basis just trying to maintain the essentials, we are quick to let the sh*t that family, our only lifeline,does roll off without hesitation because we know that Brotha will be there when we need him, unlike the outside world.