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Getting through a break up with no friends

 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 18 2013 at 3:03pm
Whoa ... you should never put yourself down to a guy. If he thinks that YOU think you are 'nothing'... well, pretty soon  he will also think you are nothing ... and go off to find a girl that is SOMETHING.
 
Never, never put yourself down to anyone .. not just a man. You are just gonna internalize that stuff which will lead to a not so good .. end.
 
btw - you should count yourself lucky that this guy was not a rat and the type that would take advantege of you.
 
You know ... this exactly how women end up in abusive relationships. They are lonely, feel bad about themselves are alienated from friends and family etc and BAM one day this 'charmer' comes along and tells you exactly what you want to hear. Then everything moves FAST because he is so crazy about you and before you know it you get tied to him in some way and THAT's when he started belittleing you, putting you down etc and if you stick around - here comes the CONTROL and well.. you can guess how that situation turns out. Not so good. Men like this can spot a 'target' like this ... a  mile away.
 
You need to build some self esteem or you are CERTAIN to attract one of these kinds of men in your life eventually.
 
Watch yourself.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NailtechDC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 25 2013 at 7:20pm
Stay away from him and find things to do even if it's alone . 

Look on Meetup.com for groups in your area with people who also have social anxiety or shyness. They are more understanding of the whole SA thing and won't pressure you to do anything you aren't comfortable with.  .    I have SA too  and I've found the groups to be helpful.   I've been to some groups where some people who have SA so bad they only wave hi and you don't hear a word from them after that but they are still welcome. 

I'm prob a little older than you but usually when i go to groups there are always girls in their late teens and 20's there  and they seem to bond really quickly.   Even if you don't form any close friendships from the groups, it's still nice to have a group of people who understand you to hang out with to get your mind off of things. They go to movies, eat out and all sorts of entertaining things.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 26 2013 at 2:16pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Whoa ... you should never put yourself down to a guy. If he thinks that YOU think you are 'nothing'... well, pretty soon  he will also think you are nothing ... and go off to find a girl that is SOMETHING.
 
Never, never put yourself down to anyone .. not just a man. You are just gonna internalize that stuff which will lead to a not so good .. end.
 
btw - you should count yourself lucky that this guy was not a rat and the type that would take advantege of you.
 
You know ... this exactly how women end up in abusive relationships. They are lonely, feel bad about themselves are alienated from friends and family etc and BAM one day this 'charmer' comes along and tells you exactly what you want to hear. Then everything moves FAST because he is so crazy about you and before you know it you get tied to him in some way and THAT's when he started belittleing you, putting you down etc and if you stick around - here comes the CONTROL and well.. you can guess how that situation turns out. Not so good. Men like this can spot a 'target' like this ... a  mile away.
 
You need to build some self esteem or you are CERTAIN to attract one of these kinds of men in your life eventually.
 
Watch yourself.

all of this!

OP- you need to stay away from dating  for a LONG time until you build up your self esteem and find out who you are as a person. ie- what you like to do, what are your goals in life, what are you passionate about. 

Please know that this break up really is the BEST thing that could happen to you. take this time to learn and develop as a woman.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jmarie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 24 2013 at 10:39pm
OP how are you doing?  You sound just like me when I was in my 20s. I even went through a similar breakup because of my clinginess and low self esteem. I know a lot of black people don't do this, but I started seeing a therapist, and it helped me out a lot. You may even need medication.  I started going out more. I looked up some old friends on facebook, and I realized a man is not the answer to everything. Do you have any high school or college friends you can hang around? Even 1 friend is better than none.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 4:59am
Originally posted by jmarie jmarie wrote:

OP how are you doing?  You sound just like me when I was in my 20s. I even went through a similar breakup because of my clinginess and low self esteem. I know a lot of black people don't do this, but I started seeing a therapist, and it helped me out a lot. You may even need medication.  I started going out more. I looked up some old friends on facebook, and I realized a man is not the answer to everything. Do you have any high school or college friends you can hang around? Even 1 friend is better than none.
 
Correct!
 
A man is not gonna make you happy. That Movie/TV crap messes people up.
 
You have to already be happy and okay with yourself before you get together with a guy.. otherwise you will be in a bad, sad, troubled etc relationship.
 
I've said it before .. the best relationship you will ever have .. is the relationship you have with yourself.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kavita000 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 22 2013 at 7:32am
Hey dear.. Trust me.. I am at the same state. My parents are not ready for my marriage with him and he does not make any effort to convince them. I am also so lost and depressed. But I don't punish for the fault of others. I try to engage myself in other activities. I have found a job and keep myself busy in that. But there are times, when I am too lost in him that nothing feels right. All I want is to be with him but then I realize that sometimes you can't be just alone fighting for everything. Sometimes you also need someone to fight for you. So keep that thing in mind. Keep your thoughts positive. Trust me, things will be alright soon.
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