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Getting through a break up with no friends

 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2013 at 3:17pm
I understand ... but you need  to focus on getting help at this moment ... not on how much you miss him.
 
 
If you have no friends to distract you - join a group. For example, think of something you already love, like book reading, In line skating, Salsa dancing ... and start attending a book reading group, take Salsa lessons etc. You can even volunteer at a Nursing home.That way you are always around different people that like the same things so surely you will meet at least 1 girl that you get along with. Take from there.
 
Eat plenty of fruits and veggies, drink ton of water, get 8 hours sleep.
 
But DO NOT sit around the house, alone and feeling sorry for yourself, not eating and over exercisiong because you are just hurting yourself mentally and physically ... and that's a slippery slope toward God knows what.Ouch
 
Take care of yourself in all ways....that should be your focus at this time.
 
Good luck.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Jul 16 2013 at 3:23pm
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chrissypoo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ms_wonderland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 3:19am
a male friend once told me that he hates how the females he dates don't have any real hobbies so when they get into a relationship they make their entire existence about him.  it was a big issue because he's an artist, so he has things that drive him beyond a companion.  

I think that you should develop hobbies that drive you and make you feel some sense of accomplishment.  you can't develop friendships overnight but you can get to know yourself and what interests you.  there are so many things you can do with your time that will be way more beneficial to you than him in the long run.  developing a skill or a hobby will also give you something to talk about so you don't feel awkward when making new friends or a new relationship.  when he's busy you'll have something else to do.  i know that it hurts now but you'll be okay. Hug


Edited by ms_wonderland - Jul 17 2013 at 5:49am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chrissypoo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 7:27am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

a male friend once told me that he hates how the females he dates don't have any real hobbies so when they get into a relationship they make their entire existence about him.  it was a big issue because he's an artist, so he has things that drive him beyond a companion.  

I think that you should develop hobbies that drive you and make you feel some sense of accomplishment.  you can't develop friendships overnight but you can get to know yourself and what interests you.  there are so many things you can do with your time that will be way more beneficial to you than him in the long run.  developing a skill or a hobby will also give you something to talk about so you don't feel awkward when making new friends or a new relationship.  when he's busy you'll have something else to do.  i know that it hurts now but you'll be okay. Hug


He knows I like to work out regularly and play video games but even while I was doing that we were constantly texting. I used to have more hobbies like drawing and playing piano but I'm just so tired after work. He seemed to be fine with constantly texting but I think my attitude was more of the problem, I was too submissive to him and he even noted that.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Beauty620 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 10:36am
You need to pray.....

Ask him to take away the pain and to help you to become a better person etc
I gaureentee you will feel like a new person once after you pray. 

Also think about it....is he not eating, sleeping, crying, loosing weight, thinking about you at all? HE** to the NO so gurl do yourself a favor, suck it up and keep it moving. Plenty of guys out here unless his d*** was MAGIC. ( doubt it ) 

So keep it moving....carry on. 

NEXT! 

Good luck girlie....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 11:17am
Originally posted by chrissypoo chrissypoo wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

a male friend once told me that he hates how the females he dates don't have any real hobbies so when they get into a relationship they make their entire existence about him.  it was a big issue because he's an artist, so he has things that drive him beyond a companion.  

I think that you should develop hobbies that drive you and make you feel some sense of accomplishment.  you can't develop friendships overnight but you can get to know yourself and what interests you.  there are so many things you can do with your time that will be way more beneficial to you than him in the long run.  developing a skill or a hobby will also give you something to talk about so you don't feel awkward when making new friends or a new relationship.  when he's busy you'll have something else to do.  i know that it hurts now but you'll be okay. Hug


He knows I like to work out regularly and play video games but even while I was doing that we were constantly texting. I used to have more hobbies like drawing and playing piano but I'm just so tired after work. He seemed to be fine with constantly texting but I think my attitude was more of the problem, I was too submissive to him and he even noted that.
 
Sorry but I think prayer is just a bunch of crap.
 
I think you weren't so much 'submissive'' as you were easy and not a challenge too him so he lost interest.  I don't know how old you are but this business of texting all day - even when you work out is clingy and immature. Confused Working out GIVES you energy so if you are tired ... that tells me you are not eating enough. This is self destructive.
 
No doubt he wanted to get away and live a normal life with a girl that was not connected to him at the hip like that. Noooo.
 
Ms_wonderful said it right .. guys do not want a girl that has nothing of her own and just follows him around like a puppy. How long can that last? Gets old.
 
Put it like this - do you think someone like Angelina Jolie is whimpering after Brad Pitt like that? Nooo I'll bet she made him .... chase her until she caught him.  Wink
 
You have to not be so easy for a guy, you've gotta be smart ... or he will get bored and leave.
 
I am not trying to be hard on you .. but really you need to learn this stuff early so you can avoid years of pain.
 
Get out there and live your own life without a guy.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Jul 17 2013 at 11:20am
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chrissypoo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chrissypoo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 7:41pm
I am feeling better and eating more now, I just tend to lose my appetite when I am very upset/stressed about something. I was not easy for him to get, I knew him for a few years before we got closer and even then it took several months before I reciprocated his advances. But yes, I agree that since then I am constantly available for him. We texted all day and we also video chatted every night because it helps deal with the distance and not being able to physically be around each other much. It's not like it was completely one sided and just me insisting that we talk all day while he's trying to get away. But yes, I can see how constant contact even while we're busy can cause one to lose interest.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 10:57pm
Originally posted by chrissypoo chrissypoo wrote:

I am feeling better and eating more now, I just tend to lose my appetite when I am very upset/stressed about something. I was not easy for him to get, I knew him for a few years before we got closer and even then it took several months before I reciprocated his advances. But yes, I agree that since then I am constantly available for him. We texted all day and we also video chatted every night because it helps deal with the distance and not being able to physically be around each other much. It's not like it was completely one sided and just me insisting that we talk all day while he's trying to get away. But yes, I can see how constant contact even while we're busy can cause one to lose interest.

there is nothing wrong with communicating all the time, texting, etc. while in a relationship...especially a long distance one where that is all you have since you can't just see the person. but its always fun to swithc up a little....not ALWAYS be available...let him miss you a bit.

however, your  presence,  vibe,  energy etc. is probably what he was sensing. men like a confident woman. your insecurities were probably pouring out and it could be a turn off. obviously he cared about you....but you have to work on YOUR confidence.  Work on developing who chrissy is.  a guy should be an extension of you not a ladder where he is holding you up and you fall when he leaves.

i think he  provided you the perfect opportunity to evaluate, reflect and work on you. 

breaking up is always hard to do when you care.....BUT it is much different when you have invested ALL of you being into him. 

i agree with volunteering, hobby, hang out, etc.  don't listen to the sad songs, don't watch love movies....try to hand out, meet other people. 

if you are a praying woman, PRAY for guidance, strength, and direction.  

It WILL be OK.... my pm box is open in case you need an ear....

just take it day by day.....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 17 2013 at 10:59pm
oh and i didn't really want to say this....but he could have also met someone as well and stated your insecurities as his way to back out.....

im just saying...

but whatever the reason, there are clear things that you should work on within yourself before jumping back into any relationship...rather it be him or someone else.



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chrissypoo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 18 2013 at 7:09am
Yes, I used to put myself down a lot and compare myself to women from his past and it pissed him off. I stopped voicing it but it was still obvious that I didn't love myself.
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