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Get a "yes" text before sex

 
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liesnalibis View Drop Down
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    Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 12:56am
Something about this doesn't sit right with me...


Roxanne Jones says to avoid any doubt, young men and women should text consent before sexual encounters.
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • Allegations of rapes during college and high school drinking parties are plentiful
  • Every year 97,000 students 18 to 24 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault
  • Roxanne Jones urges young men about to have sex with a girl to get her to text it's OK
  • Jones: No means no, but boys can protect themselves with a text if she says yes

Editor's note: Roxanne Jones is a founding editor of ESPN The Magazine and a former vice president at ESPN. She is a national lecturer on sports, entertainment and women's topics and a recipient of the 2010 Woman of the Year award from Women in Sports and Events. She is the co-author of "Say It Loud: An Illustrated History of the Black Athlete," (Random House) and CEO of Push Media Strategies.

(CNN) -- "Watch out for the stupid girls," I tell my son. "They are trouble."

You know the type -- the party girls, the girls who thrive on attention. The girls who will do anything to get a guy to notice them, as the pop star Pink riffs on one of her best-ever songs, "Stupid Girls": "If I act like that, flipping my blond hair back, push up my bra like that ... that guy will call me back."

Roxanne Jones
Roxanne Jones

The problem is that all the kids in college are smart or they wouldn't be there in the first place, as my dean's list son likes to remind me. Admittedly, it's a tricky conversation to navigate, but I'm not giving up. There's too much at stake.

It seems nearly every week, we hear news stories about sexual encounters at parties where everyone is drinking -- and a young woman says she was raped, and a young man insists the encounter was consensual.

Make no mistake, no woman -- no matter how much she parties -- is asking to be raped. But too often when heavy drinking is involved, the meaning of consent can be misconstrued on both sides.According to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism,each year about 97,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape. And those are only the cases that are actually reported.

So understandably, parents worry about how best to prepare their daughters and sons for college. We spend a lot of energy learning to navigate the academic and financial requirements. We give years of thought to which colleges are a best fit for our kids. Once they are accepted, we make sure our children are sent off to college with every overpriced, not-so-necessary item listed on the "what-to-pack-for-college" list. And just before we drop them off on campus, we make sure we have "The Talk" about focusing on grades and not getting caught up in the party scene.

Never have sex with a girl unless she's sent you a text that proves the sexual relationship is consensual
Roxanne Jones

In my case, I filled my son's duffel bag with about 300 condoms and told him watch out for party girls but have fun; meet new people but stay focused on academics.

But I know from my own fun-filled years at Penn State that campus life can be confusing even for the best of kids. So I taught him how to do his own laundry, grocery shop and cook -- just so he wouldn't have to depend on anyone else to do those things. But lately, I've been worried that I left out one important piece of advice that is a must-do today:

Never have sex with a girl unless she's sent you a text that proves the sexual relationship is consensual beforehand. And it's a good idea to even follow up any sexual encounter with a tasteful text message saying how you both enjoyed being with one another -- even if you never plan on hooking up again.

Crazy, I know, but I've actually been encouraging my son and his friends to use sexting -- minus the lewd photos -- to protect themselves from being wrongly accused of rape. Because just as damning text messages and Facebook posts helped convict the high-schoolers in Steubenville of rape, technology can also be used to prove innocence.

How to protect yourself from false rape allegations is a constant conversation among professional athletes. I've covered many rape cases over my career, including those of Kobe Bryant, the Duke lacrosse team, and many others that never made the headlines. Sports agents and athletes have tried everything from openly or secretly recording their sexual encounters, which is illegal in some states, to asking all women they have sex with to sign a pre-consent form. And though the public may scoff at stories of athletes who frequent strip clubs or solicit prostitutes, many athletes say they do this to avoid unwarranted sex assault charges.

NIAA research shows that more than 80% of college students drink alcohol, and almost half report binge drinking -- five drinks for men, four for women, over two hours -- in the past two weeks. And binge drinking can cause many of us, no matter what age, to make bad decisions.

Let's face it, the sexual revolution is real -- but because we still fail to discuss sex and evolving sexual mores frankly with our sons and daughters, all this freedom has led to confusion about the ever-changing rules of engagement when it comes to sex. But one thing is a constant: When a girl tells a boy no, he must always believe her and stop.

Parents need to step up. I'm doing my part, raising a son to respect women and himself by talking to him about how to navigate the freedom that comes with college life.

But we need to do more work to teach our daughters that women also have an equal personal responsibility to respect their bodies. And true equality means that we are also held accountable for our actions. Partying and drinking until you are no longer in control of your body or mind instantly sets you up to become a victim of rape or bodily harm -- or even to die.

Nobody wants to be a stupid girl. It's time for us girls to smarten up. And it's time for guys to understand -- when a girl is way drunk, it doesn't make it open season on her. In fact, it's just the opposite: If she's falling down drunk, stay away, far away.

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OrriannaRose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote OrriannaRose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:00am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote BBpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:03am
Yea cuz 90 percent of the time women are lying about being raped. Ok. Sleepy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (11) Thanks(11)   Quote Qualified Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:13am
What the hell is she talking about, " All college students are smart!" I never encountered as many dummies in one location as I did when I was in undergrad!

My advice would be to give that little negro the condoms, have the talk, keep an open line of communication, and hope for the best like the rest of our parents did. Some college students get lost in the sauce, others float to the top- that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Asking for a yes text can still be negated, because if that "party girl," (even if she's the campus slore) decides to change her mind and say No, even if her legs are cocked wide open, that yes text flies out the window right behind this dumb ass article... and that would still be Rape!

Edited by Qualified - Dec 05 2013 at 1:17am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:15am
Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

My advice would be to give that little negro the condoms, have the talk, keep an open line of communication, and hope for the best like the rest of our parents did. Some college students get lost in the sauce, others float to the top- that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Asking for a yes text can still be negated, because if that "party girl," (even if she's the campus slore) decides to change her mind and say No, even if her legs are cocked wide open, that yes text flies out the window right behind this dumb ass article... and that would still be Rape!

That's up to the DA and the jury.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote carolina cutie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:16am
Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

In my case, I filled my son's duffel bag with about 300 condoms and told him watch out for party girls but have fun; meet new people but stay focused on academics.
Geek



And why start off an article about college campus rape with 'watch out for the stupid girls'?

But yeah...fukk this.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote OoDles O Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:41am
Well regardless of what she wrote...cause a sexual consent text is questionable (what if she was drunk texting)  

when the rubber hits the road and your beloved son is actually heading off to college 

what do you tell him? stay abstinent ? Wait till marriage ?

If it were me... I would tell him to stay away from alcohol and drunk women... 
I didn't drink all through college because I was always disgusted by alcoholics because my dad was a functional one.


Edited by OoDles O - Dec 05 2013 at 1:42am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:44am
Originally posted by OoDles O OoDles O wrote:

Well regardless of what she wrote...cause a sexual consent text is questionable (what if she was drunk texting)  

when the rubber hits the road and your beloved son is actually heading off to college 

what do you tell him? stay abstinent ? Wait till marriage ?

If it were me... I would tell him to stay away from alcohol and drunk women... 
I didn't drink all through college because I was always disgusted by alcoholics because my dad was a functional one.



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:45am
Originally posted by carolina cutie carolina cutie wrote:

Originally posted by liesnalibis liesnalibis wrote:

In my case, I filled my son's duffel bag with about 300 condoms and told him watch out for party girls but have fun; meet new people but stay focused on academics.

Geek


i know what you thinking
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote herwoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 05 2013 at 1:45am
I typed a book but was not in forum2 so it didn't post.

Anywho, I get it I get it I swear that I get it.*sigh* I have a son and I thought I had made up the text consent but I see that I didn't. I also suggest consent forms. I'm not saying it's common for girls to lie about rape I just don't want my SON to be Duke Lacrossed out here in these streets.
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