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General Distrust for Men?

 
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_ConcreteRose_ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote _ConcreteRose_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:50am
Femme, since you aint ask for psycho analysis, I'll just answer the question. But first, how old are you?
I would simply say "Im not looking for a signifcant other at the moment." No more no less. Don't give people an explanation because they will either A) Judge or B) try to convince you othewise. Im sure you don't want either.
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:52am

you are still hurt and scared

if you don't want to do therapy, fine but realize it may take you years to get over this

I have trust issues that have taken me  what seems like 12 years to get through and other experiences just end up justifying why I shouldn't trust people

however, you won't start to get over those feelings until you decide to work on letting the hurt go and start trusting again

if you ever want to be married and have kids you will need to work on this

nothing worse than a woman (or man) trying to find a long term relationship and wanting kids while hating/mistrusting the the target group they are after




Edited by SamoneLenior - Jun 20 2014 at 10:52am
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femmemichelle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote femmemichelle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:53am
Ehh should've known better than to come to BHM with this. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:54am

people suggest therapy because it has either helped them or they don't know how to help you and think a professional can

there are those that might be trying to be funny, but for the most part they are trying to be helpful
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:54am
Originally posted by femmemichelle femmemichelle wrote:

Ehh should've known better than to come to BHM with this. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.
please don't kick yourself. while posting does open it up to people with less than stellar intent, you did get genuine feedback and encouragement. 

don't discount that. separate the wheat and chaff. Smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote _ConcreteRose_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:56am
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

Originally posted by femmemichelle femmemichelle wrote:

Ehh should've known better than to come to BHM with this. Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.
please don't kick yourself. while posting does open it up to people with less than stellar intent, you did get genuine feedback and encouragement. 

don't discount that. separate the wheat and chaff. Smile
I agree with this. Ignore people with bad intent, most are just trying to help. Everybody got problems. Aint a damn thing wrong with therapy. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fckwitmeuknoigotit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 10:57am
i agree with CR and SL's takes.
 
also there is nothing wrong with speaking with a professional. therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.
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maysay1 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 11:00am
Originally posted by femmemichelle femmemichelle wrote:

I don't need therapy. When what happened two months ago happened I remember my friends telling me not to hate men because of it, and I remember thinking why on earth I'd do that.

I just do now. Not hate per se, because I can live and converse with them. I just can't see myself ever being with one. I don't think that warrants therapy. 


Femme, from what you're posting, you and I might be similar.

It's taken me years to unpack some things but while I have a general distrust of men regarding my physical safety, that's separate from my active choice to not enter into romantic relationships with them and to remain childfree. Those are difficult choices in our society.

There's nothing wrong with you. I don't believe you need therapy for this. And I don't believe that everyone wants to have romantic relationships. Not wanting that does not mean you're broken or anything negative.

I've learned that explaining this to other people is easy once you are clear about what you want and are content with your choices. And I've had to do a lot of explaining in the last 2 years because I am now the only unpartnered woman in my whole (big) immediate family.

Anyway, feel free to pm me.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 11:02am
yall take everything as shade… 

no i didnt really need to say that first part but i wasnt joking about cosigning therapy. 

getting your feelings out to a therapist can help. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote Random Thoughts Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 11:11am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by femmemichelle femmemichelle wrote:

I don't need therapy. When what happened two months ago happened I remember my friends telling me not to hate men because of it, and I remember thinking why on earth I'd do that.

I just do now. Not hate per se, because I can live and converse with them. I just can't see myself ever being with one. I don't think that warrants therapy. 



There's nothing wrong with you. I don't believe you need therapy for this. And I don't believe that everyone wants to have romantic relationships. Not wanting that does not mean you're broken or anything negative.




On the same token, going to a therapist does not mean someone is broken. Just like going to the doctor doesn't mean someone is sick.
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