Florida Court Orders Mother Of 15 To Learn Fellatio
Adams has spent over one-third of her life pregnant and is now
demanding that the State of Florida pick up the tab for the care and
lodging of her 15 bastard children.
Tampa, Fla. – Angel Adams, an unemployed mother of 15 children, has
been ordered by a Florida court judge to take fellatio lessons in an
attempt to slow down the onslaught of illegitimate children spewing from
her vagina. The unusual sentence follows weeks of arrests, court
appearances and network interviews.
Judge Tracy Sheehan handed down the sentence after Adams refused to admit she was pregnant again.
“Ms. Adams, as a judge of this court and as a citizen of the state of
Florida,” said Judge Sheehan, ”I am obligated to shut down the party in
your pants. You apparently have no moral compass to guide your
unstoppable urge to share your body with the entire male population of
the Florida panhandle, so this court is ordering you to learn how to
perform fellatio and how to give hand jobs. If this doesn’t slow your
unabashed desire to drive up the minority population of the United
States, then I will tie your tubes myself,” said the irritated judge.
Angel Adams made national headlines recently after she was thrown out
of her apartment with her 15 children in tow and demanded that the
State of Florida bail her out.
Tampa police say that Adams was legally evicted because she had lied
to her landlord about the number of children she had living with her.
The Department of Children and Families paid her bills and found a house
big enough for Adams and her tribe of 15, but she was not happy with
the new arrangements. Adams took the FDC to court yesterday in an
attempt to force them to help her.
The presiding judge noted that Adams seemed to be irritated with the court.
“You right I mad! Somebody gutta pay for these childrens,” said the
unwed mother. ”I can’t! I axed that DCF people that I been throwed out
of my apartment for no good reason. Now I guts nowheres to live. Theys
have to give me a place to live. Did you see that house that they was
gunna put us in? Damn, who dey tink we is? That damn house right up
against the railroad tracks. All that noise gunna throw off my
monthly cycle. Beside, ain’t no washer or drying machine and I ain’t
walking down to the laundry, uh..Uh.. no way!”
The case was temporarily delayed when Ms. Adams’s uterus fell out
onto the courtroom floor and court bailiffs struggled to shove it back
in. After the brief but disturbing delay, Judge Sheehan told Adams that
if she was to ever step foot in her courtroom again that she’d better
not be wearing a dress.
“I expect you to be wearing pants,” said the judge, “and spanx…at
least two pairs. I don’t want to see your Fallopian tubes in my court
Adams and her children have been put up at the Four Seasons Hotel until other living quarters can be arranged.
Angel Adams has been collecting welfare and other government
assistance since 1972. She has never been employed and has no source of
income. In 1989 she briefly worked as a model and was seen on the March
cover of Hoe Magazine. She gave up her modeling career after she
received injuries falling off the casting couch of the poorly respected
photographer, David Zapruder. Eight different men and one donkey sired
Angel’s 15 children.
“Oh the donkey be the father of Jerome,” said Angel. “That boy shure be stubborn!”
Adams’ family has refused to help her in her latest string of
problems. Angel’s brother Jobone told reporters this morning, “I am done
with that crazy hoe. This well is dry so she be wasting her time
dropping her bucket down on me! She just can’t keep her damn legs
closed! Why ain’t those children’s daddy’s paying for them kids?”
Edited by SamoneLenior - Feb 06 2013 at 11:44am