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feeling mother-ish to my boyfriend....

 
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ihatepd123 View Drop Down
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    Posted: Jan 10 2014 at 4:57pm
so i love my boyfriend really much weve been more than 2 yrs.... im going to do this brief because somehow everything i wrote got deleted.....

but i have an issue: im all the time acting joysih and happy when hes aroung, but IT TRUE that i feel that way...

i love him insanely... but the thing is that i feel all the time that i need to be there for him for everything, that i need to do everything for him [ little things not cooking etc bcus we dont live with each other] like doing his CV, studying with him toughly for an exam i already passed from, in which i lacked my studies because i would go hours studying his 1 subject where the level is really low, where my subjects is more than 1 and are advanced.... i even went with him for the exam and waited during the exam for him to finish, studied TOO MUCH with him, for him to pass, i helped too much.... [ he passed XD]
but the thing is that i act mother-ish to him soemtimes, i even offer to do his shoes lace god..!
but its in myself i dunnoi how to change it...

i care for him a lot [so does he] i feel i need to be there all the timeeeeeeeee, i love him so much, but i think  in the future this will lead to consequences.

i want to cuddle him allllllll the time [ he likes it] when we re in bed hes the one who gets cuddled, i rarely get cuddled but i dont mind i prefer cuddling him..


iits like i feel soo attached to him, so wanting to be there for him all the time.... i dunno if u can understand wot im trying to convey....
but surely its becus I CARE. but i know he likes the too much cuddling part, but i know at a certain point he doesnt like to be treated like this sometimes. 

im constantly telling him do this like this .. etc [ not being demanding] i feel i have to explain alll the time how to do things like parents do to their chilkdren..... but he knows how to do stuff!


and he argues sometimes with me not to treat him like this especially in front of me....

even my parents say when i do somethin like this ; ''hes not a child''#


but when i act like this I M NOT AWARE OF IT... after i am aware of it...


how can i change this thing in me? and i deas pls!??!
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sexyandfamous View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 10 2014 at 5:58pm
You need to watch yourself and stop every time you try to mother him. If he is not doing something right, let him do it wrong (unless you guys are having s.exWink), and let him figure out what he did wrong. Next time it is cuddling time, pull his arms around you, turn your back to him, and let him cuddle you. Tell him that you want him to take care of you.

Question: did he ask you to help him study? Because if he did, it means that he is aware that he can count on you for those things... but if he didn't, was he aware that you were not studying for your own exams?
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ihatepd123 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ihatepd123 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 10 2014 at 6:05pm
whenever i try to let him cuddle me i always end up to cuddle him because hes too cute so i always fall for cuddling him becase i love it..

nd no i asked to help him
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 11 2014 at 11:57am
Let me ask you an important question.

What the heck does this quy EVER do for you?

Nothing I'll bet .. or at least he is doing nowhere near all the crap you are doing for him. DUH! You have things backwards .. the man is supposed to be doing things for YOU.

You are the man in this relationship so I hope you are fine with ‘carrying’ this grown man the rest of your life. :/

Prediction:
-     For a man to allow himself to be so carried by a women either means he is using you and will dump you once he graduates, gets on his feet and meets some new girl that HE can play the man with .. for a change.

-     Or he will stay your boyfriend and later husband so then … you will spend the rest of your life ‘supporting’ him in his endeavors, raising the children all by yourself … so pretty much you will become the brood mare … carrying the weight of the relationship and the family on YOUR shoulders .. for the rest of your life. You will die young or burn out.

Of the two .. option 1 is better because once he dumps you .. if you have learned anything you are at least free to meet a real guy that wants to take care of you.

How to change this pattern you are in? The next time he needs something DON’T be so eager to anticipate his needs. Let him ASK you for help and when he does .. say no. That you are tired of doing all the work. It’s that simple. He’s gotta step up like a man.

What you have is not love IMO. You have a man that is lazy and getting a free ride .. so he is not learning to be a real man because you will quickly usurp his role and do it for him. And he’s too weak of a man to say ‘No, thank you … I can manage … but what can I do for YOU?’

The reason you are so willing to do all this stuff for him is because you like being ‘needed’. You think as long as you are needed you will have a happy long lasting relationship. Wrong.

This business of YOU always spooning HIM is odd. Are you sure YOU don’t have the balls because when a guy is into a woman - HE is the one that wants to spoon the woman (so he can rub his boom boom against her butt). But you don’t have this equipment so….

Quit spooning that guy. Too weird!

Lastly .. stop being the man. Will not work out in the end.

Edited by Printer_Ink - Jan 11 2014 at 12:01pm
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ihatepd123 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ihatepd123 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 11 2014 at 5:30pm
sry... u got everythign wrong :/ firstly i mean im talking about simple things not washing clothes cooking etc and doing all that stuff...

secondally, he sometimes rjeects my help because he can do things, but because i feel the need to take care for him i ask but yet he still rejects me in that way

thirdly, yes he loves me and and offers to help me, and when i go to his home, and his parents aint there, he cooks for me, and when im studying he checks if i need anything, drink eat etc...

so im sry if i mistakened him in that way in my passage... but hes definetely not like the way u pictured him....:/

and yes when im busy and hes in 'my' house and im doing usually homework most of the time, he asks me if he could help, i tell him he cant in my subjects and i tell him he can help by doing the bed, clearing my  stuff etc, and he does [ not because im being demanding] and when im sometimes desperate doing my hw and dont understand certain things he says ' i wish i could help u but i dont understand ure subjects [ he doesnt have]'' and sometimes i tell him to search some words for me from the dictionery and he does

so i missed the point to say that he helps me thats why u take it like that...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 12 2014 at 3:31am
Ahhh this second post ... is an absolute reversal of your initial post. :/

This is what usually happens when people present a situation they are bothered by and want help for ... and then once they receive help (which is usually that the relationship is screwy so stop) ... they start backpeddling ... and undo everything they just said.

You can't say you are tired of mothering your man and ask for help and then turn around and say ... he helps you as well. Duh! You can't have it both ways.

So okay ... if your guy does all these things for you (shrugs) then you have no issues.

Problem solved.

Edited by Printer_Ink - Jan 12 2014 at 3:33am
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ihatepd123 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ihatepd123 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 12 2014 at 2:33pm
noooooo why nobody cant understand lol?

i didnt say im tired of it... i want to know how to control myself stop being so mother-ish.  i think sexyandfamous got it...
the prob is ME being too much 'helpfuk' that even basic things he knows how to do etc i have to want do it for him etc like i wrote... but i didnt want to convey the message that im tired of doing everything and he doesnt... no 

i hope im normal though :/
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Blac1Chyna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Blac1Chyna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 12 2014 at 2:53pm
You have to get used to doing things for yourself. Take half of what you do for him and put it back into yourself. Instead of spending all that time mothering him, why not spoil and treat yourself?
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ihatepd123 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ihatepd123 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 12 2014 at 3:36pm
in what way blac 1chyna? btw is that u in the picture? u look sexy :) [ im not a bisexual :P ] its the type of my dream body...
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Gorden94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gorden94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2014 at 9:08pm
Pull back a nub and focus your energy into other things. Dont always give into having to do or help him out. I mean they're nice gestures but dont give in. If you want to be cuddled let him know that cus dudes be like i got you for second then they want their turn. Dont let your studying and grades fall short. You're suppose to be a team always remember that
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