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family issue. Advice needed. kinda long

 
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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:06pm

ok but if bluntness is a given and to be expected in caribean families, shouldn't the op be able to be blunt right back at her...like telling her she should worry about her own baby daddy who doesn't seem to be that into her...lol

 
or is there a difference that i am missing...


Edited by ThoughtCouture - Oct 11 2012 at 3:07pm
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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:11pm
Originally posted by Rumbera Rumbera wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

also, the whole bit about men scorning her because she has eczema would have made me look at her like she had 10409827459824809284 headz...
 
that's a typical comment.
 
LOL
 
LOL well damn.   so, if the op would have shot back to point out something physical about her that  men may "scorn" lol (that word is so dam funny to me), would that be ok?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rumbera Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:19pm
It depends on the age of the family member, tbh.
 
If she is older, you are expected to take it. But, if they are the same age then it's on...lol
 
 
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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:26pm
oh ok...that's what i thought.  same thing in my family actually.  i have a few older aunts who have said some questionable shyt over the years...lol
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PurplePhase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:32pm
I agree with TC. and Samone.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote joileprincess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 4:32pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

oh ok...that's what i thought.  same thing in my family actually.  i have a few older aunts who have said some questionable shyt over the years...lol


Everyone has those aunts that would get straight cussed out if they were anyone else and said the things they say lol.

They stay abusing that elder pass.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sbrownie84 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 7:49am
Oh My... I just discovered more responses to this thread. lol. 

So far I have decided to still maintain distance from my family and I have also distanced myself from David a bit. We talk, and he has helped me with things I am trying to do here, but nothing romantic...at least  not yet.

My cousin is younger than me and the family members that are saying the same thing about David is her mom (who sides with her no matter what) and another cousin who I have had issues with in the past as well. Pretty much it is a couple of people in that house who are very close. 

The reason for the backstory was the express where my confusion would lie, because I have faced a lot of betrayal and backbiting from them especially my cousins in my age group so that is why it is hard for me to trust their advice.  They are very secretive and two faced. To my face they would behave as if they like me and care so much about me only for me to hear from other sources nasty things they have said about me. 

Here is another example: There were other comments that my cousin would make such as David's alleged woman or ex woman.having such a great body and that all his friends love her so much and they treat her so well and blah blah. When I would say that they are nice people b/c they have always been welcoming and kind to me to (his friends) she would respond, they are nice to all the side women too.  One time David wanted to keep hugging me up and kissing me in one of his friends' shop and I pushed him away. My cousin later on said, "he is like that with women that he is not even with". David took me to his mother's house a couple of times, and her response was, " yes his woman loves going there too, that's the first place she goes as soon as she come from the airport". Then my cousin continues with, "I ate some of his mother's food too". ......... It is always this stupid back and forth that pisses me off especially when I ask her what her point is and she does not have a response.

the kicker is one time, she even said to me that,  'david is a good boy' and if he wasnt from the area they lived she would 

when I talked to her 6 months ago about coming back to the caribbean to open up a business she had nothing but negative comments to make. 

I have come to realize that I will never be close to that side of the family and I do not trust any of themm. If they are right about David, then so be it but their track record is what I am going by not this situation with David. 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 8:48am
Thread carefully. I have a few people just like that in my family and I understand the cultural aspect very well. That doesn't change the fact that they are jealous of you and want to keep you at a certain level. The fact that they see you as the american girl that has everything is tearing them up inside (even though they have no problem extending a hand for money) and for them to think that you might actually be interesting to a man that is in their circle and who is considered successfull (seeing that he owns those businesses and all) is more than they can bare. In this kind of dynamic, it's always hard to know which part is looking out for you and which part wants to keep you down to a level they feel is non threatening to their sense of self worth.
Yes, family in the caribbean is very overprotective but this seems to go beyond that. They seem to like putting you down every chance they get.
 
That being said, it doesn't mean that everything they are saying about that David character is inherently untrue. Let's face it, west indian men have their polygamous ways and you bring social status into the mix... Like others in the thread said, it is your decision to make.  You are a grown woman and for all you know, he might be the one and you do not want to have all those "what if" types of regrets later. You sound inexperienced, though. Go VERY SLOW with him if you are going to pursue this. Whatever you do, you will have to OWN YOUR DECISION, whether it's to pursue this or let go.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote *Belle*Femme* Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 8:55am
Originally posted by Harmonii Harmonii wrote:

Originally posted by soarlikecruz soarlikecruz wrote:


Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Is she fuvking him ?
Why does she sound bitter ?

this is what i was thinking

Maybe she tried him and he didn't want it

Sure does sound like it
Word. She has some type of jealously. Wouldnt be surprised it that baby is David's.
 
But listen to your aunt. Where there is smoke, there is fire. He probably is a womanizer. Stair clear of dude. Im super late with my advice I now see, lol.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 9:02am
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

ok but if bluntness is a given and to be expected in caribean families, shouldn't the op be able to be blunt right back at her...like telling her she should worry about her own baby daddy who doesn't seem to be that into her...lol

 
or is there a difference that i am missing...
Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. There is a certain "obedience" level that is expected of you and you have to become very skillful at doing what you want to do all the while looking like the "nice, family oriented good girl" doing it. It's actually very annoying and it's this line that you have to be mindful of at all times. Basically, it forces you to become a little bit of a hypocrit to keep your own sanity and peace of mind.  It's like one poster said: deference to the elders and to family is expected but unfortunately,sometimes people abuse their position. At the same time, the overprotectiveness is a cultural thing that is both positive and negative. Positive because family will rally around you when there is a perceived threat, negative because it may take you longer than other cultures to come into your own as a woman. It did for me.
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