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Does anyone feel that "People who look a certain "

 
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rickysrose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 12:58pm
I had only read the title, but after seeing a few posts,

I've always thought it would go a very long way in healing the effects of racism

if we got a detailed, comprehensive account of the tactics that were put into place to enslave us ... Psychologically, socially, economically, legally, etc

Right now it's so grey and vague, by design, that we can't focus or grasp the "why" of the very deeply held beliefs that still enslave us.  It will be impossible to create real full scale solutions, change without this understanding, imo.



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babyk94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote babyk94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:06pm
Oh I'm sure people have great experiences in other countries & while they maybe nice to our faces I'm sure they wouldn't want their son or daughter marrying a black person. Just putting that out there.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Alias_Avi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:18pm
I don't think that's necessary at all

Imo, it doesn't really matter how the problem started as much as it matters how it's being perpetuated

We know that the current effects of long-term racism are being perpetuated by modern day institutionalized racism, privilege and entitlement. Also, this country pretty much blames the state of the Black community on Black people themselves.

We're not completely absolved from any responsibility from what we've done (or haven't done) with ourselves but it's more than dishonest to capture and enslave a group of people for hundreds of years, set them free and create laws that keep them from mobilizing upward and then seemingly get rid of those laws (but really they go covert) and then expect them to help themselves

White people did not get to the "top" by helping themselves. They only got there because they blocked the success of other groups of centuries


But I digress...

We are too hard on ourselves sometimes

Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:

I had only read the title, but after seeing a few posts,

I've always thought it would go a very long way in healing the effects of racism

if we got a detailed, comprehensive account of the tactics that were put into place to enslave us ... Psychologically, socially, economically, legally, etc

Right now it's so grey and vague, by design, that we can't focus or grasp the "why" of the very deeply held beliefs that still enslave us.  It will be impossible to create real full scale solutions, change without this understanding, imo.



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modelbusiness82 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:35pm
Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

Oh I'm sure people have great experiences in other countries & while they maybe nice to our faces I'm sure they wouldn't want their son or daughter marrying a black person. Just putting that out there.


So, would it be better if it was a black person talking smack about another black person behind their backs? Or saying, don't marry someone dark so your kids come out prettier? Or I hope you don't get that slave hair like (insert relative) has? Because I hear comments like that coming from members of the black community all the time - thankfully not from anyone I'm related to or spend any real time around.

I don't understand that reasoning. You can find a bigot anywhere, that's not very hard. The point those of us who brought up the international community are making is that often times, being an AA in the US makes you assume that the rest of the world is 100% against you and hating on you just because you're black, or darker than the perceived ideal. Within the US and specifically within the black community, we feed on a perpetual belief that everyone hates us because they (being white people) have painted and pushed us into a corner to be second class citizens. So, ignorantly, instead of working hard to uplift each other, we decide to tear each other down first before yt can do it to you - which is insanely backwards thinking.

But, often times, when you leave the shores of this country, you find that a lot of the assumptions that you'll be instantly ostracized for your race in foreign lands is a perpetuated myth. I work in international markets all the time. Sure, part of the reason I have those clients is because I'm good at what I do, but what's stopping someone from thinking, no I don't want this balck chick representing me, I'd feel more comfortable if the virtual face of my company/client/brand in the US was a white person rather than a black woman.

Sure, you're always going to have someone who's uncomfortable with black people, but then you'd have that in the States as well and we have that in our own communities too.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (11) Thanks(11)   Quote zsazsa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:39pm
Really interesting subject. I used to see how people would fawn over my light skin niece but ignore her darker younger sibling (they look very much alike) extremely hurtful. I found myself overcompensating on dashing out compliments to the little one a lot more often. I fawn over both of them but went the extra mile with her. It's like people don't even see the features - just colour. How dumb. 

I have even seen it on here. People are so quick to let you know their skin tone is light in a post for no reason. Cringe-O-Meter. 

I remember when I was expecting my son and a friend was like 'OMG he is going to be SO light'. My son is actually darker than both his father and I. What a frikking stupid thing to say in the first place? and she wasn't alone. From the minute he was born, people kept telling me he was dark - like how come he didn't get our skin tone? ask god. People are so DUMB. 

Colourism is a disease that needs to be stomped out. It's such a desperate sad way to live. 
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modelbusiness82 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:44pm
Yeah my dad is lighter than my mom and when I was born for whatever reason I came out super light and then gradually got to my current shade. My maternal grandmother has serious colorism issues and couldn't stop going on and on apparently about my color when I was first born.

*eye roll*

Even at 90yrs old, she's real quick to tell ppl she has good hair because she's half Cherokee. And although it's true she's half Cherokee, I find that mess obnoxious.
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babyk94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babyk94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:53pm
Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:


Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

Oh I'm sure people have great experiences in other
countries & while they maybe nice to our faces I'm sure they
wouldn't want their son or daughter marrying a black person. Just
putting that out there.


So, would it be better if it was
a black person talking smack about another black person behind their
backs? Or saying, don't marry someone dark so your kids come out
prettier? Or I hope you don't get that slave hair like (insert relative)
has? Because I hear comments like that coming from members of the black
community all the time - thankfully not from anyone I'm related to or
spend any real time around.

I don't understand that reasoning.
You can find a bigot anywhere, that's not very hard. The point those of
us who brought up the international community are making is that often
times, being an AA in the US makes you assume that the rest of the world
is 100% against you and hating on you just because you're black, or
darker than the perceived ideal. Within the US and specifically within
the black community, we feed on a perpetual belief that everyone hates
us because they (being white people) have painted and pushed us into a
corner to be second class citizens. So, ignorantly, instead of working
hard to uplift each other, we decide to tear each other down first
before yt can do it to you - which is insanely backwards thinking.

But,
often times, when you leave the shores of this country, you find that a
lot of the assumptions that you'll be instantly ostracized for your
race in foreign lands is a perpetuated myth. I work in international
markets all the time. Sure, part of the reason I have those clients is
because I'm good at what I do, but what's stopping someone from
thinking, no I don't want this balck chick representing me, I'd feel
more comfortable if the virtual face of my company/client/brand in the
US was a white person rather than a black woman.

Sure, you're
always going to have someone who's uncomfortable with black people, but
then you'd have that in the States as well and we have that in our own
communities too.


I see your point
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Becky View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 2:01pm
Originally posted by discreet. discreet. wrote:

Originally posted by solo solo wrote:

Reading over this kind of made me sad. Looks are something we all worry about because it's the first thing people see when they look at us. They don't know if we're smart, funny, saved orphans from burning buildings, rapists. murders etc. But they look at our faces and form opinions about us based on how we look.

The bad thing is you can't change that. And the good thing is, you can't change that. You're 20...it will get better. As you get older you will grow more comfortable in yourself and learn that there are way more ways to be attractive than just having a pretty face or nice hair.

Oh absolutely. I would say I'm not the most confident young woman in the world, but I do for sure believe there are more ways to be attractive than just having a pretty face or certain type of hair. 

I just wonder and sometimes digress in these things because I know growing up and even now a lot of times it hurts me in the back of my mind that people have an outlook this way. It's ultimately okay, because they are beautiful women regardless, and maybe even lovely people. But I just like to know why is that the only beauty people see?

What about that makes someone more deserving of anyone else? It's just the questions that have lingered through my head while growing up and now a lot is all. 
 
To answer your question - it's human nature to be attracted to what is currently known as 'beautiful'.
 
This is a fact of life and has nothing to do with race. Lots of White, Asian and Indian girls do not have a look that is considered 'beautiful'. You just have to live with it and do the best you can with what you have.
 
I say this because sometimes I have seen that when a girl thinks she's 'not pretty' ... she just gives up on herself.
 
- does not do anything about her skin, teeth, hair, clothes, figure - does nothing and then sits around being bitter because she get passed over.
 
Then then are other girls that really are not considered 'pretty' either, BUT they take care of themselves as best they can on the outside AND they get help them develop some healthy self esteem and confidence which leads to happiness and a good outlook on life and before you know it .. people are indeed 'attracted' to that person.
 
I think this is the course you should follow instead of lamenting the fact that people don't consider you 'beautiful'.
 
Not to say that if you stood next to Halle Berry or Beyonce the men would ignore them ... but most most women do not look like 'stars'.
 
You pretty much have to become beautiful to yourself and .. then other folks will  follow.
 
Oh .. and you need to get away from The States too with the F*** up  dark skinned/light skinned mentality. That's poison!!
 


Edited by Becky - Nov 29 2012 at 2:04pm
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teendiva View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote teendiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 2:11pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:


I need to get this off my chest because I've been feeling this way for some time now....


I feel like Black women (mothers, grandmothers, aunts, elders, celebs etc,) in general, are doing a sh*tty job at instilling value, confidence and impenetrable self-esteem in young Black women and girls. Not all Bw are guilty of this but too many imo

In fact, a lot of the time, they are the ones breaking down these girls. Giving them life-long complexes (prolly cuz they haven't gotten rid of their own before birthing their daughters)

Where is the maturity and the wisdom in our community? Why are so many young Black girls so desperate and lonely? Why do so many of them have damaged self-esteem and self-image? The girls in our community should know who they are BEFORE they enter the world (or before the world enters THEM, rather) and yet, the self-image of many is being molded by OTHERS.

Why, I must ask, if you know that television is deteriorating the self-esteem of young girls of color, do allow your child to sit in front of the TV for hours consuming garbage?

None of these "Black girl" campaigns are attacking the root of the problem and I take issue with that

We need a better plan to rid this issue




I completely agree with this. And i'd like to add on to it.
Growing up, i loved my mother. I still do. My mother is the best and everyday I am thankful for the woman she has taught me to be. However, the feeling I felt inside when my father kissed me, rocked me, took me on dates is like I was bursting inside. I had been going on dates a few times a week with my father from the time I could eat solid food because when i was born, in the hospital he told my mom that he can't wait to take me for hamburgers and milkshakes. My mom gave him the side eye because I was about..3 hours old.

He really couldn't wait and as soon and I was able to eat meals like that, that man took me on our dates. I remember them vividly even now. He liked mints a lot, a special kind of mint that sells in Guyana. I was so small so his breath came down onto my face. The mints are black and smell like licorice and I eat them sometimes when I miss my father.
I was falling in love with my father. He paid me attention, he told me I was beautiful, he hugged and kisses me. He was gentle with me and took his time while driving, stopping to check me and pinch my cheeks or kiss my ear. He loved to kiss my ears. He looked me in the eyes and said I love you honey, you are my special baby Derri. I have lots of love letters from my father professing his love to me. I write him as well. What i'm getting at is, my father's love made me confident. When I started to mature, I expected certain things from men. i held them to the standard of my father. I knew what kind of love to look for. One that professes love to me always, is gentle, giving, and unafraid to show it.
As a woman, I got my life values from my mother, but my confidence from my father. As a teen, he wrote me love letters telling me that my acne didn't make me any less of the person. Omg young and dumb with blackgirlproblems i even vented about my nappy hair to him. He comforted me in letters about that as well.

Our fathers are sooo important for our self esteem.
Not knowing if OP has her father or not, (and my father and I have a very complicated relationship) but I was inspired to share based on what alias_avi wrote. The world is effed up, but our parents and family can do their part in strengthening and thereby preparing us for it. And our little black baby boys and girls need it the most.

That was beautiful
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Alias_Avi View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote Alias_Avi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 2:13pm
Colorism is definitely alive and well... But don't assume that this is everyone's experience just because they are ls.

I have two lil cousins, ages 4 and 2. The 4 year old is deep brown in complexion (like her father) and 2 year old is light yellow (like her mother except a lil lighter). However, the 4 year old has loose wavy hair (like Halle Berry's daughter) and the 2 year old has extremely tiny, tight coils (aka "naps")

The mother (a light woman btw) said one day referring to the 4 year old... "Oh, my baby got hair like her great-grandma! How did that happen!?!"

She looks at her 2 year old and says "WTF is this sh*t!?" Ouch ... I was shocked (still mad at myself for not saying anything) but thankfully the lil girl was only 1 at the time

However, I don't doubt for a second that the 2 year old is gonna grow up with a complex about her hair despite her being so beautiful (both lil girls are cuter than average in my humble opinion)

Her mother is gonna transmit, what I call an STD, to her... Spiritually Transmitted Disease

A parent does not have to explicitly state their bias against their children in order for their children understand their parent feels that something isn't right with them

It will be bad enough for her to grow up watching her older sister being complimented by random people off the street because she's "really cute" with her 2c - 3b category curls (it's already happened) but people will probably assume that she gets treated better because she's really light complected (not to say she won't, in relation to other kids but most of us tend to attribute our most memorable experiences to our upbringing). Our childhood experiences is when we learn how to measure ourselves



Originally posted by zsazsa zsazsa wrote:

Really interesting subject. I used to see how people would fawn over my light skin niece but ignore her darker younger sibling (they look very much alike) extremely hurtful. I found myself overcompensating on dashing out compliments to the little one a lot more often. I fawn over both of them but went the extra mile with her. It's like people don't even see the features - just colour. How dumb. 

I have even seen it on here. People are so quick to let you know their skin tone is light in a post for no reason. Cringe-O-Meter. 

I remember when I was expecting my son and a friend was like 'OMG he is going to be SO light'. My son is actually darker than both his father and I. What a frikking stupid thing to say in the first place? and she wasn't alone. From the minute he was born, people kept telling me he was dark - like how come he didn't get our skin tone? ask god. People are so DUMB. 

Colourism is a disease that needs to be stomped out. It's such a desperate sad way to live. 
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