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Does anyone feel that "People who look a certain "

 
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noneyons View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote noneyons Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:16am
I vote for a Love Yourself BHM style campaign. Somebody do a thread tomorrow pretty please. I have a lot to say on this topic as well. 
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modelbusiness82 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 1:22am
I think it is a society at large issue, in that society tends to be quite hypocritical. On one hand, we tell children to be themselves as it relates to not succumbing to peer pressure for drugs, alcohol or sexual activity. However, we want kids to fit in with their peers, sometimes at all costs, and our kids notice this and project it onto others. Different = the unknown = scary for so many people. And something that is different from themselves is automatically perceived as a threat. And to prevent the threat, we bully and tear down the person who acts differently so as to make them like ourselves and hence, non threatening.

I definitely remember growing up getting flack from my peers for not fitting in because either I didn't look or sound a certain way. It's shameful that yes this definitely happens a lot in the black community, but IMO, it happens across the board. People are always being told not to do this and to go for what's safe rather than truly expressing themselves, and it's sad.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Harmonii Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 3:56am
Originally posted by solo solo wrote:

Umm...yes. Absolutely, without a doubt. It's a fact.



Yup..I've always gotten treated better than my cousin. Of course she can have a awful attitude at times.
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MizzAmirah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote MizzAmirah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 7:49am
Yes people do generally get treated differently based on looks. I the typical west african features and have never been considered ugly. I know I have received many "favors"based on my looks, without a doubt. You have to also change you're perspective on beauty. Yes, people generally see the beyonces as beautiful, but don't forget there are many brown and dark skinned beauties out there too. work with your looks and personality and move on with your life. I don't know how you look, but u do.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote babyk94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 9:11am
Originally posted by Elohim_is_Love Elohim_is_Love wrote:

Beauty is subjective  and also ingrained in our minds what beauty should truly be and thus I feel like no one knows what they are actually truly attracted to IMHO. We are so ingrained that lightskin women or these very special brown and dark skin women are the rare types that are considered attractive. I see light skin women who aren't really attractive appear to be because we are taught lighter is better and thus people think an average or below average one is attractive. I see more beautiful dark skin sisters overlooked because they are dark, but they look better than the ones these guys are hurting themselves over because of certain features.



I see it happen so often. For me pretty is just pretty it has nothing to do with skin color but, some people out here think everything that's light skin is attractive and it's just not true.
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MizzAmirah View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MizzAmirah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 10:33am
Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

Originally posted by Elohim_is_Love Elohim_is_Love wrote:

Beauty is subjective  and also ingrained in our minds what beauty should truly be and thus I feel like no one knows what they are actually truly attracted to IMHO. We are so ingrained that lightskin women or these very special brown and dark skin women are the rare types that are considered attractive. I see light skin women who aren't really attractive appear to be because we are taught lighter is better and thus people think an average or below average one is attractive. I see more beautiful dark skin sisters overlooked because they are dark, but they look better than the ones these guys are hurting themselves over because of certain features.



I see it happen so often. For me pretty is just pretty it has nothing to do with skin color but, some people out here think everything that's light skin is attractive and it's just not true.

I co sign baby_94
I think we (esp bhm) gives too much credit to colorism at times.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote honeyb87 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 11:00am
I've seen sooooo many beautiful brown and dark skinned women that it's crazy! I often find myself thinking, "so why is light skinned considered the most favorable again??"

I greatly encourage black women to start traveling and get outside the U.S...you would be surprised how many cultures find black women gorgeous!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote modelbusiness82 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 11:36am
Originally posted by honeyb87 honeyb87 wrote:

I've seen sooooo many beautiful brown and dark skinned women that it's crazy! I often find myself thinking, "so why is light skinned considered the most favorable again??"

I greatly encourage black women to start traveling and get outside the U.S...you would be surprised how many cultures find black women gorgeous!


TRUTH! Not that I get dogged in the US, but when I leave the country, I never have people try to assume that I must be mixed with something and that's why I'm beautiful. But I hear that ALL the time here. Ouch
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Derri View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (9) Thanks(9)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 11:39am
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:


I need to get this off my chest because I've been feeling this way for some time now....


I feel like Black women (mothers, grandmothers, aunts, elders, celebs etc,) in general, are doing a sh*tty job at instilling value, confidence and impenetrable self-esteem in young Black women and girls. Not all Bw are guilty of this but too many imo

In fact, a lot of the time, they are the ones breaking down these girls. Giving them life-long complexes (prolly cuz they haven't gotten rid of their own before birthing their daughters)

Where is the maturity and the wisdom in our community? Why are so many young Black girls so desperate and lonely? Why do so many of them have damaged self-esteem and self-image? The girls in our community should know who they are BEFORE they enter the world (or before the world enters THEM, rather) and yet, the self-image of many is being molded by OTHERS.

Why, I must ask, if you know that television is deteriorating the self-esteem of young girls of color, do allow your child to sit in front of the TV for hours consuming garbage?

None of these "Black girl" campaigns are attacking the root of the problem and I take issue with that

We need a better plan to rid this issue




I completely agree with this. And i'd like to add on to it.
Growing up, i loved my mother. I still do. My mother is the best and everyday I am thankful for the woman she has taught me to be. However, the feeling I felt inside when my father kissed me, rocked me, took me on dates is like I was bursting inside. I had been going on dates a few times a week with my father from the time I could eat solid food because when i was born, in the hospital he told my mom that he can't wait to take me for hamburgers and milkshakes. My mom gave him the side eye because I was about..3 hours old.

He really couldn't wait and as soon and I was able to eat meals like that, that man took me on our dates. I remember them vividly even now. He liked mints a lot, a special kind of mint that sells in Guyana. I was so small so his breath came down onto my face. The mints are black and smell like licorice and I eat them sometimes when I miss my father.
I was falling in love with my father. He paid me attention, he told me I was beautiful, he hugged and kisses me. He was gentle with me and took his time while driving, stopping to check me and pinch my cheeks or kiss my ear. He loved to kiss my ears. He looked me in the eyes and said I love you honey, you are my special baby Derri. I have lots of love letters from my father professing his love to me. I write him as well. What i'm getting at is, my father's love made me confident. When I started to mature, I expected certain things from men. i held them to the standard of my father. I knew what kind of love to look for. One that professes love to me always, is gentle, giving, and unafraid to show it.
As a woman, I got my life values from my mother, but my confidence from my father. As a teen, he wrote me love letters telling me that my acne didn't make me any less of the person. Omg young and dumb with blackgirlproblems i even vented about my nappy hair to him. He comforted me in letters about that as well.

Our fathers are sooo important for our self esteem.
Not knowing if OP has her father or not, (and my father and I have a very complicated relationship) but I was inspired to share based on what alias_avi wrote. The world is effed up, but our parents and family can do their part in strengthening and thereby preparing us for it. And our little black baby boys and girls need it the most.

Edited by Derri - Nov 29 2012 at 11:48am
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babyk94 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babyk94 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 29 2012 at 11:40am
Originally posted by honeyb87 honeyb87 wrote:

I've seen sooooo many beautiful brown and dark skinned women that it's crazy! I often find myself thinking, "so why is light skinned considered the most favorable again??"

I greatly encourage black women to start traveling and get outside the U.S...you would be surprised how many cultures find black women gorgeous!


While this maybe true a lot of countries are having the same problems.
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