Does anyone feel that "People who look a certain "

BoutThatLife wrote: Sadly everything you said rings true in society.  If you are the brown/black one hanging around nothing but light & mixed girls then I completely get that you are treated this way.  While you may have your own unique beauty, the people you're around are drawing those who are struck by their brand of beauty but when they get around you they're dismissive of yours.  Have you considered branching out? Hanging with other dark skinned black girls?  Sometimes it's best to clique up with women who are similar to you so there's none of that exclusion or hurt feelings.  There is definetely a difference in the way we are treated based on skin color.  IT's the same reason why people (men and women alike) will fawn over Kim K but look down on a similar black woman. Why a woman of Amber Rose's rep can get wifed and be seen as a trophy but a black woman doing the same is in the gutter of a hole in the wall strip club some where When I was growing up people (boys, other girls, even adults) were a lot kinder and more accepting to the lighter and mixed girls.  It was rare for a dark skinned black girl to be fawned after and seen as gf material and not just sexual. Certain looks get fawned over and valued more even though logically we know that they arent better, they just get that hype.  Everyone unconsciously noticed it, but the girls who did say something about it were instantly labeled bitter, jealous, negative, and haters.  It was like you were just supposed to accept "your place" in the background and not to question it. Also I wanna know, what's your swag normally like?  If you are considering trying to fit in, I understand that and wont knock you for it.  We live in a highly visual society and in your 20s you wanna fit that mold and be considered top level. No one wants to feel like chopped liver.  Some women gonna try to make you feel like you're wrong for that, but most women do want to attract a high number of men and be sought after. Who doesnt want that feeling? You may want to consider tweaking things a little bit.  If you dont have one already, consider a very good weave. Like how Aaliyah's hair used to be, that long thick full natural look.  You'll have the edge of having the hair that's most fawned after in society.  If you are not racially ambiguous and you want to fit the mainstream more, I wouldnt suggest being natural if your hair is coarser than a 3c at the most unless it is very long (mid back).  Wear makeup. Not a lot, dont do that tacky hood girl sh*t, just a light natural app. You can play with colors on your eyes and lips as long as you use quality brands but you never want to look cheap. We as black women cant afford to half step, we cant look cheap and skimp otherwise it gives off a low class low value vibe. Dress cute, trendy yet sexy. a HINT of sexy, not too much.  I've seen a lot of dark girls make this mistake and be penalized for it (unlike the lighter girls).  If you got nice assets and really try to flaunt it to make up for the color bias, you will be seen as a sex symbol not the wife.  But you dont want to go too far on the other end and look like a lame or grandma because you too scared to be cute.  You know dress whats hot for your body shape, type and social group Keep your weight down. Dont get any bigger than a "thick" and not a Deelishus booty thick because then you wont be taken seriously, you'll just be seen as a walking ass. Actually your best bet is to be in shape, be the size that you're healthy and confident at. dont worry about having curves just dont be trying to pump your ass up (not that u would just saying girls like that get treated like hoes off the rip) You can either adjust and work with your looks to be as society beautiful as you can, or you can just accept it but know that when a 1/2 breed is around you're gonna be in the shadows.  For some women, they will be like "Well I dont give a damn" but when you're in your 20s just coming out of your teens I certainly cant pretend like thats not something you're not allowed to want to

AffirmativeBunny wrote: Here is a hug for you OP You're very right, I have noticed this too. Its a sad reality but I guess not much can be done about it. The fact that this image is unapologetically pushed in media (mostly urban media) makes it even worse. Can I also just say that you're very eloquent. Nice to see a well written post with good grammar.

Keep in mind many of the most beautiful women in the world can't keep a man so if attracting a good mate is what you're concerned with, that should put your mind at ease. 

I think it might help you if you find positive role models. I have a lot of friends who are major beauty bloggers, and they're fuller figured and darker skinned. They're very successful and they prove that you don't have to be this one dimensional version of what beauty is supposed to be and be successful or desirable. They work with major brands, they are flown LITERALLY around the world to cover events for mainstream companies, etc. 

Please check out http://kittybradshaw.com and http://www.swa-rai.com/.

You need to put positive images in front of you that reflect a better image of who you are. Being light and skinny isn't the only thing that's "hot & popping" and this is coming from a skinny chick!! I think a lot of your misgivings come from constantly surrounding yourself with people who are for better or worse, your exact opposite. Which makes it only natural that you're going to constantly continue to compare yourself to them and make the assumption that you're coming up short. 

I need to get this off my chest because I've been feeling this way for some time now....


I feel like Black women (mothers, grandmothers, aunts, elders, celebs etc,) in general, are doing a sh*tty job at instilling value, confidence and impenetrable self-esteem in young Black women and girls. Not all Bw are guilty of this but too many imo

In fact, a lot of the time, they are the ones breaking down these girls. Giving them life-long complexes (prolly cuz they haven't gotten rid of their own before birthing their daughters)

Where is the maturity and the wisdom in our community? Why are so many young Black girls so desperate and lonely? Why do so many of them have damaged self-esteem and self-image? The girls in our community should know who they are BEFORE they enter the world (or before the world enters THEM, rather) and yet, the self-image of many is being molded by OTHERS.

Why, I must ask, if you know that television is deteriorating the self-esteem of young girls of color, do allow your child to sit in front of the TV for hours consuming garbage?

None of these "Black girl" campaigns are attacking the root of the problem and I take issue with that

We need a better plan to rid this issue


Edited by Alias_Avi - Nov 29 2012 at 1:04am