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Do second chances work?

 
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losingcomposure View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote losingcomposure Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 3:58pm
Damn aria.
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Becky View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 4:49pm
Originally posted by missdeeluxe missdeeluxe wrote:

Yes!
I'm a firm believer that people CAN change, if they choose to.

My boyfriend and I split the first time because things had started to go south and I started talking to an ex of mine briefly (liked the attention, didn't get it from the bf, was purely emotional) things ended and we spent some time a part but we ended up back together.
I've been together almost a year and a half now after everything and we're better than ever.

That trust needs to be earned back and that takes time.
Both parties need to be willing to try their hardest.

Good luck!
Ummm sorry but a year and a half back with a guy that cheated on you .. does not mean that it 'worked out'. Exclamation
 
'Worked out' means it has been good for at least 20 years.
 
But I reiterate - once a cheater.. always a cheater - I would never take a cheater back into my life. What would be his motivation to stop this behaviour if he knows that in the end ... he will get you back?
 
Aria.. that is overboard. Wacko Cheating has nothing to do with karma and being the bigger person and working together on the relationship or any of those other things you mentioned. Those kinds of things apply when the relationship falls apart for other reasons.
 
But .. if your man can't keep it in his pants .. if he's lying and cheating ... well you've just got a dog on your hands (that's likely to give you an STD). Get real.Shocked


Edited by Becky - Dec 01 2012 at 4:57pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ariahoney Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 5:48pm
Once a cheater - always a cheater? That is just not true. Please do not take a few lines here and a quote there out of my post to justify your opinion, not cool - not right. Anyone, Hell Anybody, can change, if they want to and make a conscious choice to do so. Because someone cheated does not mean they cannot change, ah Hell No. I am not justifying a cheater's actions, do not misunderstand that Fact! Read my post in its entirety and those who recognize and understand it as it has been simplified for all y'all viewing, will clap and say..Preach Sister!! Tell! the congregation now..going naH! Hate it or Love it but Honey it is factual and actual. I very much recognize the dangers of STDs, that Honey you are soooo on the money, but I just wanted to layeth the smaketh down on the whole 2ND Chance thang. So SISTERS! if your man cheated on you now or in the future, I am saying think, review, rewind and determine if there is a future for the both of you. Look if you are between the age of 18 - 25yrs and your man cheated, it ain't impossible that he would not do it again and it is equally not impossible that he or she cannot change if that person feels that you are worth the change. However, if you and your other half are above 25yrs, Honey, you reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally need to think extra hard because neither of you are getting younger. There might be plenty of fishes in the sea as they say, BUT if the DEVIL you know can TRUELY Change, for Gods sake give em a 2ND Chance bcos, more often than most, that relationship eventually last a test of time, bcos you know one another's weaknesses and strengths and can then use that to completely rebuild and evolutionize your relationship. Reeeeeeeeal Talk.
Hey Honey, if it did not work for you, do not hate on others for whom it works for. Again...Congre - ga - tion, Real Talk


Edited by ariahoney - Dec 01 2012 at 5:56pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Majesty02 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 6:01pm
Sometimes second chances do work........ But in your situation, I think you should move on. I know it'll be hard at first, but you have to cease contact with him. How do you expect to get over him if you talk to each other every day?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cvzx Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 01 2012 at 7:00pm
I like this topic, there's a lot of opinions.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 9:32am
Originally posted by ariahoney ariahoney wrote:

Once a cheater - always a cheater? That is just not true. Please do not take a few lines here and a quote there out of my post to justify your opinion, not cool - not right. Anyone, Hell Anybody, can change, if they want to and make a conscious choice to do so. Because someone cheated does not mean they cannot change, ah Hell No. I am not justifying a cheater's actions, do not misunderstand that Fact! Read my post in its entirety and those who recognize and understand it as it has been simplified for all y'all viewing, will clap and say..Preach Sister!! Tell! the congregation now..going naH! Hate it or Love it but Honey it is factual and actual. I very much recognize the dangers of STDs, that Honey you are soooo on the money, but I just wanted to layeth the smaketh down on the whole 2ND Chance thang. So SISTERS! if your man cheated on you now or in the future, I am saying think, review, rewind and determine if there is a future for the both of you. Look if you are between the age of 18 - 25yrs and your man cheated, it ain't impossible that he would not do it again and it is equally not impossible that he or she cannot change if that person feels that you are worth the change. However, if you and your other half are above 25yrs, Honey, you reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally need to think extra hard because neither of you are getting younger. There might be plenty of fishes in the sea as they say, BUT if the DEVIL you know can TRUELY Change, for Gods sake give em a 2ND Chance bcos, more often than most, that relationship eventually last a test of time, bcos you know one another's weaknesses and strengths and can then use that to completely rebuild and evolutionize your relationship. Reeeeeeeeal Talk.
Hey Honey, if it did not work for you, do not hate on others for whom it works for. Again...Congre - ga - tion, Real Talk
Aria you sound very .. young.
 
People CAN change if they want to ... except cheaters. If you take a cheater back - again, what is his motivation to ever change? He has none. He gets to have his cake .. and eat it too.
 
You don't get it. It's not about YOU and it's not about if he feels YOU are worth it - it's about him.  DUH! Confused
 
Well, like they say .. 'it's a shame that youth is so wasted on the young'. Confused
 
Good luck with that.


Edited by Becky - Dec 03 2012 at 9:13am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote BoutThatLife Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 12:34pm
The thing about cheaters is that they won't change, at least not with the person they cheated on.

I say this as someone who's been cheated on and someone who's cheated herself. Once you've gotten away with it, you keep doing it till you get caught. And if you get caught, forgiven and taken back by your foolishly in love doormat of a partner, you keep creeping, just get sneakier about it. Why would you stop doing something you wanna do? You already dgaf about how your man/woman feels and you know they're weak enough to take you back anyway.

You loose respect for the person who takes you back, you almost look at the person like their a punk.

Sorry but if you take your man back after cheating he's not gonna stop. You can believe whatever you want to make yourself feel okay with the situation but a cheater gon cheat.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 02 2012 at 1:37pm
I don't think in his case there's a change. He cheated and now talks to you everyday...he just wants to know if he's still in your mind.
You should take a break from this everyday chat with him and see what how you really feel about him. Maybe you're just nostalgic. Maybe you're needy, maybe you do miss him, which is normal since you were dating him but you need time for yourself to reevaluate everything.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 03 2012 at 9:12am
Originally posted by BoutThatLife BoutThatLife wrote:

The thing about cheaters is that they won't change, at least not with the person they cheated on.

I say this as someone who's been cheated on and someone who's cheated herself. Once you've gotten away with it, you keep doing it till you get caught. And if you get caught, forgiven and taken back by your foolishly in love doormat of a partner, you keep creeping, just get sneakier about it. Why would you stop doing something you wanna do? You already dgaf about how your man/woman feels and you know they're weak enough to take you back anyway.

You loose respect for the person who takes you back, you almost look at the person like their a punk.

Sorry but if you take your man back after cheating he's not gonna stop. You can believe whatever you want to make yourself feel okay with the situation but a cheater gon cheat.
 
 
Agreed.
 
You TEACH people how to treat you so ... what you are teaching this guy about how he can treat you?
 
Two things:
 
He has to have respect for you and more importantly ... you have to have respect FOR YOURSELF! DUH!


Edited by Becky - Dec 03 2012 at 9:31am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ifeyini Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 3:16pm
Second chances dont work
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