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Dating Men w/ Kids

 
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BBpants View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote BBpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:00pm
I can't do it...I can't be mommy to kids that aint mine
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uppitynegroid View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:10pm
I'd rather not, but if he was the man of my dreams and we were able to peacefully coexist as a blended family, then I would budge.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DamiaRose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:14pm
Thank you ladies! Many of you gave me sound advice and I will focus on what we have and not what could or could not happen. We haven't had any detrimental issues to date so I shouldn't be making this one. 

ThoughtCouture: The veganism is a decision he made entirely on his own (which floored me, lucky me!) and its something he decided out of inspiration for how I live. As I've said before, we've been friends for over 8 years and I've had this lifestyle for over 10 so he's known from the beginning that I've always said I will marry a vegan, no ifs or buts about it. I don't want to have to deal with the issues that come with meat eaters which is why I'm helping him on his own terms to transition into veganism. As for his daughter, her mother could do whatever she wants and however she wants but when we live together, we've already decided that our house will be completely free of any animal products. So yes, when she visits she will eat what I prepare just like everyone else can choose to eat whatever they're served when at another person's house. 

Again, thanks! I have so many points of discussion when we talk later. 




Edited by DamiaRose - Aug 03 2013 at 4:15pm
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khivey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:16pm
So, the two of you have known each other for 8 years and he has a 4 year old daughter, but the two of you have been taking it slow and are best friends? 
It sounds like he already dipped during your "taking it slow" phase and when it didn't work out with the BM, who probably knew about you when they first hooked up and that is probably why it was uncomfortable when you had your first encounter, so now he decides to make it official with you and chooses not to allow you to meet his BM formally and go to the birthday party..but that is your best friend and you two have been official for over a year?

I just want to say that sooommmettthhiinnng ain't right. 

P.S. 4 years old is still fresh...she still has feelings for him boo


Edited by khivey - Aug 03 2013 at 4:19pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote AshBash89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:25pm
I will not touch on my rathchet days because BHM never forgets but I prefer to date a man that already has children because I have children but they have to be at least school age.


Edited by AshBash89 - Aug 03 2013 at 4:26pm
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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:43pm
Originally posted by DamiaRose DamiaRose wrote:

As for his daughter, her mother could do whatever she wants and however she wants but when we live together, we've already decided that our house will be completely free of any animal products. So yes, when she visits she will eat what I prepare just like everyone else can choose to eat whatever they're served when at another person's house. 

 
well...as long as this is HIS decision, HE can explain that to HIS child and her mother and deal with whatever comes from that.
 
however, i find your comment and attitude regarding being a guest in another persons house (and eating whatever is being served)  a bit troubling as it appears you are somewhat putting his child into that category.  his house is his childs house.  and actually any man who felt otherwise OR would allow his mate to think or utter otherwise is the type of man with children i could never date...
 
just curious...what does she eat now when you are around?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Chi_town75 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:48pm
As someone who just got out of a tumultuous relationship with a guy with children, I would advise against it if you do not have kids. 

I thought I could handle it until I got involved with a man who had one child previously that he never saw (strike one). Then another child surfaced while we were dating, which he said to not know was his until his most recent ex asked him to have a paternity test (strike two). I thought I could handle a newborn child until the mother went completely psycho and did everything in her power to use the kid as a means to drive a wedge between he and I. Well, being my naive self, I said I could handle it and that I was in love and blah blah blah. Well, during our relationship another child surfaced. It was with an ex that he claimed to have "drunkenly slept with" about a month before we officially became bf/gf (strike three). I thought I was going to lose my mind. I'm like, I came into this relationship with absolutely no children and probably the most ba ge I did have was student loans, lol. 

I learned the hard way. There were times when our dates would be completely derailed because he had to tend to his child(ren). Hell, there were times when baby mama's felt like they could call at all hours or show up to MY HOUSE at any time they damn well felt like. It became such a burden, in addition to the other 80 million other problems that surfaced, that I had to call it quits. My sanity could not take it anymore.

Think it through. A lot of people told me the same and I ignored them because I wanted to play the Big Girl role. Yup, got the rude awakening of a lifetime. I'm currently with a guy with no children whatsoever and I like it that way.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:49pm
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I'd rather not, but if he was the man of my dreams and we were able to peacefully coexist as a blended family, then I would budge.
 
yes.   it seems like this scenerio already has the foundation for lots-o-drama tho...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:51pm
Originally posted by Chi_town75 Chi_town75 wrote:

I thought I could handle it until I got involved with a man who had one child previously that he never saw (strike one).
 
for me, that would have been his first and only strike...LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 03 2013 at 4:52pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by DamiaRose DamiaRose wrote:

As for his daughter, her mother could do whatever she wants and however she wants but when we live together, we've already decided that our house will be completely free of any animal products. So yes, when she visits she will eat what I prepare just like everyone else can choose to eat whatever they're served when at another person's house. 

 
well...as long as this is HIS decision, HE can explain that to HIS child and her mother and deal with whatever comes from that.
 
however, i find your comment and attitude regarding being a guest in another persons house (and eating whatever is being served)  a bit troubling as it appears you are somewhat putting his child into that category.  his house is his childs house.  and actually any man who felt otherwise OR would allow his mate to think or utter otherwise is the type of man with children i could never date...
 
just curious...what does she eat now when you are around?
Yep....Clap. If he has custody of the child 3-4 days a week, that will also be her home. She shouldn't feel or be treated as a guest. If her eating habits are different at her moms house, it will be difficult to "transform" once she comes over to her dads...she's only 4...you've got to open up and not think from a selfish standpoint...vegan is obviously healthier, but that isn't an easy concept for a little one.
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