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SimpliGorjuss View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 2:41pm
BFD, lol, girl you are a trip!
 
Well, when I think of culture and dating, I do think culture has to do with it.  But look at what the poster child for women are saying. I mean, Destiny's Child asked brothas to pay their bills on their first album, second album rolls around, and they're all about independence; then, an album or two later, they want a thug....I mean, what message are these men getting when there's really no stability in what we women want...?
 
And what do we want?
 
Great post...I'll post my two cents later...but interesting thread! Embarrassed
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binky622 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 2:46pm
I agree SG when women define what they want they we can go after it, but the culture (media, peer pressure, community) has taught women to to be liberated, act like a man go after what u want blah blah...its confusing bc a lot of woman who find true love in a man what someone to give them things and that is not love, or have someone there to pay ur bills and that is not love.  Love has become considered how much convienience can u provide me. take care of me and my child or children blah blah.  Most ppl like that are not in love  
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 2:51pm
Originally posted by binky622 binky622 wrote:

i cant even say it has to do with being raised in a broken homes bc i know plenty of gentlemen who were raised by their mothers and came out great the only think is they married chicken headsWacko

I cant really say that it comes from having ur parents being teens when they have u..that is not it my first bfriends mother was young when she had him and he treated me really well. my mother was crazy about him
 
I blame it on the way women conduct themselves, men have always wanted to have what they wanted with out having to commit for as long as we can remember but we didnt allow it society looked down up women who presented themselves inappropriately. But now women dont make men be honorable to earn their love and affection.  they had it to them like a pack of gum. the only way we can change this is to stop giving men what they want women need to unite. there is something really wrong when the mantality of women has changed where having sex is nothing.  as long as we as women dont make men work to have us they will not...simple as that
 
 
 
erm whats  a chickenhead?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 2:53pm
lol.. chickenhead is a slang term for a knucklehead chick.. flakey. low class.. tacky.. 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 2:56pm
thanks diva577 i was looking in the urban dictionary for an appropriate definition. i am not saying that all but i have seen some really good guys married to women who hold them back from being all they can be bc of their chicken head mantality
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 2:58pm
lol got it..thanks for the definition
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 3:44pm
I think that it is cultural & I agree and relate to & jules4u &  ladylady. I do value courting.
I have to keep it brief b/c I am at workDisapprove.  I am 33yrs old, American Black, born in the North (NJ) with parents that were born in the South (NC). Most of my close friends have the same cultural experiences as me and we have a lot in common and talk about this downhill dating scene a lot.
My parents werent super strict with me but I knew what they approved of and what wouldnt be happening. When I lived with my parents (til I was 24) there was no dating unless the guy came in and was hazed by my parents first. My little "phone boyfriends" in high school didnt count b/c I only hung out with them at bowling/skating parties etc and I never even kissed until my senior year in highschool. There was no spending the night out. I moved out at the age of 24 b/c I felt that if you are grown enough to lay up all night, you are grown enough to maintain your own household.
 
My point is that I had my dad & 2 older brothers (5 & 6 yrs older than me). The way that they treated me molded the way that I expect to be treated in all relationships. They also taught me by example. If my brothers treated a girl weird (example- made the girl pursue them), they would tell me,"You'd betta not ever chase any guy like that". The things that they taught were mostly subliminal - they carry my shopping bags, they open doors, they walk "curbside" and I walk on the "inner side" of the sidewalk...etc.
My mom was an at home wife and she taught me how to treat a deserving man with respect without being overly submissive and while maintaining my self respect. I dont mind "fixing a plate" or refilling a glass, etc if it is someone that I care about.
I used to be a school teacher, so I have seen a lot of today's youth interacting with courting firsthand. A lot of parents are definitely teaching the children how to date with respect. But on the other hand, some parents teach their kids to "get down like a pimp" as the David Banner (I think thats his songLOL)song goes. It depends on your culture and your current environment b/c some people are taught right from wrong, but when they see girls that dont respect themselves or even girls that weren't taught any dating dos & donts they say, "why bother?" and they run through the girls like water. No disrepect to ATL, but a lot of guys there have let the male female ratio go to their head and they treat women like crap even though they know better. Its pretty sad, but the generation isnt lost. When I was in college at an HBCU, I saw many guys that had no dating saavy (yo' yo' can I get yo numba types) get molded into gentlemen in healthy dating relationships by senior year. 
I think it is good to date, but when you notice that a guy just wants to "chill" or to sit up in your house all the time, run the other direction. Because that same guy that doesnt respect you will wine and dine and show another girl that they respect the world.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 3:51pm
Originally posted by shonuffaharlem shonuffaharlem wrote:

Originally posted by BonaFideDiva BonaFideDiva wrote:

Shonuff: Why cant you be successful and independent and still have a man pay? When I think of success I think of my career. When I think of independent, I think of paying my own bills. Its just dinner - Im not throwing the cable bill at him. LOL


I agree but I know this is how some men think.  I keep the rules simple.  If I ask you out I pay.  If you ask me out, you pay. 
 
 
I agree-that's me-I'll pay if I ask you out. Also, I know a lot of women don't agree with this, but I ALWAYS pay for myself on the first date.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 3:54pm
Some guys will go out with a girl and ask her to pay for half and then turn around and spend that same money he saved on another girl!!Angry
Don't go for it ladies!!You can always tell alot about a person by what their checkbook or check card is used for.  So if he likes you, he's gotta spend something on you or put some serious thought into a romantic but inexpensive date.(if he is strapped for cash and you know it)
That's my 2 cents
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2006 at 4:00pm
i blame women.. i heard this quote once..forgot where..but went something like this "life is about training people on how to treat you" i think it went like that :/  anywho point is..... people will only treat you based on what u tolerate and willling to put up with..end of the story.. if the dude is not knocking on the door ..then stay in ur house and make it a blockbuster night!!!
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