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FlattytoFatty View Drop Down
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    Posted: May 25 2013 at 1:03am
Can the fact that I want a relationship hinder me from actually getting one?
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BBpants View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote BBpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2013 at 4:08am
No.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2013 at 4:54am
I think most people want a 'relationship'.
 
That's not the problem - but you must be specific. Do you want a good relationship or a bad relationship?
 
But if you want a relationship to the point that you throw common sense and self esteem out of the window ... then you will end up in a bad relationship and IMO a bad relationship is worse than .. no relationship at all.
 
If you want a good relationship .. then you have to get out there BUT you have to be SELECTIVE as to the type of guys you get involved with.
 
If they are unemployed, living with their mama, or staying in odd places, lie about all sorts of stuff, can't afford to buy you coffee, are trying to pressure you into sex after seeing you a couple of times (wait 3 months), say little put downs to you, try to tell you what to do, get mad over every little bitty thing, they look like thugs with the thug language, friends and lifestyle ... and the list goes on .... you need to take a pass on these losers as they will never give you a good and healthy relationship.
 
Most single guys are like this in some way ... so you have to have enough common sense and self-esteem to not get involved with them to begin with.
 
Hold out for that top 10%.


Edited by Printer_Ink - May 25 2013 at 4:57am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ScorpioLuv Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2013 at 9:19pm
Yes depending on how you go about obtaining it. Dont be overly demeanding and beat it into a person's head. Let it be known that thats what youre looking for and let dating take its course. Weed the ones that dont want a relationship out of the prospect pool
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Limalady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2013 at 10:41pm
I found that the more I wanted a relationship, the worse my relationships were. I settled for less than I deserved. When I decided to date around, a wonderful man walked into my life and almost demanded exclusivity. I guess my advice is not to let your desire for a relationship allow you to settle for less than you deserve.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FlattytoFatty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 2:38pm
@limalady, i feel like that's my issue. i tend to settle a lot because i want a relationship really bad.

@printerink i do try to weed the bad ones out but sometimes i make poor decisions. I feel like i have high standards because of the way i was raised. I have the morals of an old timer and there's not a lot of guys in my age group who have the same values i do . i know the type of man i need but finding him is next to impossible i feel and maybe that's why i settle a lot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KhadiNiaomi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 3:56pm
How could you love if theres no chemistry? Have u found chemistry? 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 4:40pm
Originally posted by FlattytoFatty FlattytoFatty wrote:

@limalady, i feel like that's my issue. i tend to settle a lot because i want a relationship really bad.

@printerink i do try to weed the bad ones out but sometimes i make poor decisions. I feel like i have high standards because of the way i was raised. I have the morals of an old timer and there's not a lot of guys in my age group who have the same values i do . i know the type of man i need but finding him is next to impossible i feel and maybe that's why i settle a lot.
 
Okay, I will say what I have said before on BHM. Don't get mad but ..... there are simply not enough Black men to go around. Now, that's a fact.
 
So keep your standards up .. but BROADEN your circle of men ... considerably.Confused
 
There is an 8 to 1 ratio of AA women to AA men and if you factor in Gay men, men that only date outside their race, men in prison, men that are gangbangers/hoodrats/drugrunners and worse .. the amount of Black men that are unemployed etc.. it's more like 11 to 1.
 
AA women have to get over it and look elsewhere or they will end up like so many of my friends who never found the right guy and just raised kids with no fathers or who married some loser ... simply because he was black and available.
 
Again, don't get mad at me for telling the truth or try to deny what every statistical analyisis on this issue has proven in the last 30 years - just because it's not so nice to hear.
 
Start making some informed decisions about your future though .. because the numbers are not getter any better. Confused


Edited by Printer_Ink - May 26 2013 at 4:43pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 10:46pm
Enjoy life and do things you want to do. You will end up in the circles of others just like you and even attract the kind of people you want in your life. When you are busy living your life, you will come across so many people and there will be eligible bachelors in the mix...believe me. You may need to leave your corner of the world, because a lot of people that are about something, single and young are not vegetating in and around places where everyone is not doing much..they are out there in the world getting lost in it. Hell, you may even realize you really don't want a relationship and only craved one because of the environment you are in or just plain ole boredom. 

Edited by khivey - May 26 2013 at 10:46pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2013 at 5:26pm
Originally posted by FlattytoFatty FlattytoFatty wrote:

Can the fact that I want a relationship hinder me from actually getting one?


It can hinder you from finding a good relationship.
When you are needy and desperate to love, you end up settling with anyone.
Try to weed out the bad guys (cheaters, players, guys looking for a woman to pay for their stuff, etc) and focus in finding an ideal man for an ideal relationship.

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