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Beauty620
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Topic: Controlling mate Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 1:40pm |
Hello BHM....I have a dilemma. I've been dating this guy for about 3 months now....(yes short period of time i know) But he seems to be controlling, like he doesn't want me to talk to no males unless they are family. Before he came into the picture I was single...and been single for awhile, so I had a few male friends that I converse with here & there. I also had a male best friend whom I've been friends with for over 20 years that my mate isn't to fond about. But he wants me to cut everyone loose, even holding conversations with my daughters male teacher and so forth. Now don't get me wrong he is a very good guy and I like him a whole lot....but I just think he's not being fair, I mean I only have eyes for him, so if I make cordial conversation with another male he shouldn't trip...but he not only trips...he flips tf out as well. He also has to know every single day what I did, where I went and who all did I talk too or text, he goes thru my phone when I step out the room. and from time to time he might say "don't get f'd up"
So Question is could this lead to a much worse situation? Is this a sign of someone who may try to lay hands on me? I mean I've never ever been with a guy like him.
Thanks for the read and hopefully advice in advance :)
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jonesable
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Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 1:45pm |
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You already know that this is obsessive.
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WadadliQueen
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Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 2:15pm |
He doesn't seem controlling... He is controlling. You have been only
with him for 3 months and he wants to dictate your life. He seems to be
the insecure, jealous type and his behaviour will not stop but just get
worse. I mean, he has a problem with you talking to your daughter's
teacher just because he is a male? It's been three months and please
don't invest anymore time in this relationship and move on. You and your
daughter deserve better. Here is a thread about signs of an abusive relationship and he has displayed some of these signs. http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/vital-information-the-signs-of-abuse_topic351060.htmlI wish you all the best!
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hairfanatic501
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Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 4:09pm |
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It's best to get out of it early on before he destroys the life that you've made for you and your daughter.
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Loveverythinghair
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Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 5:51pm |
You should set some boundaries. People will also notice the distance. Before him they would say (not saying you even care what others think) but they would say and see before his time,you talked to them chatted,etc or whatever you did.
They will notice the change.
Just say it doesn't last,then will those people be forgiving of you for just cutting them off?
Sound like he has some other kinda "issues" with himself and possibly could be trying to keep you so closed in a box that no one tells you anything about him or what they saw him do,etc. (If it's ever the case).
I would not cut those people off,males or females.
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Spokenword
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Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 9:33pm |
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RED FLAG!!!
run.......
i was going to ask have you talked to him about your concerns of being insecure/jealous of your male friends but then reading that he also wants to know where you are of every day. Soon, he will cut ALL your friends off.
you really need to evaluate this situation. if you are uneasy, that is telling you something.
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Tbaby
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Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 9:37pm |
jonesable wrote:
You already know that this is obsessive. | Right. Maybe you posted your situation to get a different perspective. Sounds like you really like this guy and you aren't ready to distance yourself from him despite the huge red flags warning you to let him go. Be careful, you are on thin ice here.
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BBpants
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Posted: Jan 31 2013 at 4:02am |
 ...........Next he's gonna make you cut off your family and keep you isolated from the rest of the world. Get away. Fast.
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whitrhymes
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Posted: Jan 31 2013 at 8:05am |
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How do you respond when he flips out? IMO 3 months is really too early in the relationship to be flipping out about anything. Get out of this relationship before too many more feelings are developed on either side.
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Printer_Ink
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Posted: Jan 31 2013 at 11:38am |
Wow .. talk about a RED FLAG!!!! Are you for real? And you said ....' he is a very good guy ' which tells me you are like Halle Berry and Rhianna. - YOUR PICKER IS BROKEN! Very good guys ... do not act this way in 3 months or 3 years or ... in3 decades! Never. They NEVER act like this. You need counseling if you do not recognize the signs that you (and your child!) are getting mixed up with a loser that is controling you and sooner or later will haul off and kick your butt! Then YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO LEAVE and you will yet another DV case we read about on TV that is running for her life. Is yourself esteem so low that you would allow a man to tell you what you can and cannot do with the first 3 months of the relationship? This is only the begining ... RUN!!!!
Edited by Printer_Ink - Jan 31 2013 at 11:43am
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