Confessions

The second line of this post makes me believe the first line is a lie. 

But no, I've never wished I was lighter. When I was little my mom used to always tell me she always wanted a dark skinned daughter just like me. At first I believed it but then I realized she may have just been saying this because she felt I needed to hear it if I was gonna be out in this world. Plus she's funny about skin color. I think she's prejudiced against both light and dark people. But if you're medium brown you get a pass.

I want a dark skinned daughter. But I love white men so I dunno how that's gonna work. (I like black men too though.)

Im scared, CC. 

I mean, we've been pretty much lying to ourselves about our feelings for eachother for the better part of a year, and it's only now getting serious (as in, feelings have been admitted, albeit in a roundabout way) since he's been on the other side of the country, and Im afraid that it's just a case of "absence makes the heart grow fonder but when your in my face I dont really want it that much no more," and that if we move to the other side of the country together it'll all go to hell really really fast because we're too young and gahhhhh

These are the things that keep me up at night...well, that and his text messages. I get real good text messages.

I just like them, that's all. No more or less. I'm just saying I won't have a ds child if I end up  with a white man.