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eanaj5 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 01 2014 at 9:24pm
Im feeling all over the place.
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 10:11am
it's been such a difficult week and i don't rightly know how much more of this i can take... 

what's really difficult is being the/an optimist and living that experience as though i never really get a chance to "feel" negatively how others do. 

it comes across as though it's rather uncomfortable for others to witness my negativity. like they're saying "there there" and offering what feels like generic, banal platitudes so i can be "ok" and feel "better" and go back to my position as being the listener, the nurturer, the martyr. 

the sad part is how it's worked. how i'm trained at this point to say nothing to avoid the looks, the questions, the falsities ...all while my fire, my spirit, my hope -- the essence of me-- slowly dies inside. 

i escape here and there, but no one understands my obsessions. they keep me as happy and as grounded as they can moments at a time. it is to them, their passion and their craft that i truly owe my sanity. 

however, it feels like i'm slipping away at times. part of me watching, bewildered asking why? why won't you say or do something to stop this?!  and the other looking on helplessly mouthing i'm sorry as i hang my head in shame. 

*deep breath* *exhale*

this is temporary. this too shall pass. the darkest hour is just before the dawn. happiness starts from within. things are getting better all the time...
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MsBMW View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote MsBMW Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 10:23am
Hug

Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

it's been such a difficult week and i don't rightly know how much more of this i can take... 

what's really difficult is being the/an optimist and living that experience as though i never really get a chance to "feel" negatively how others do. 

it comes across as though it's rather uncomfortable for others to witness my negativity. like they're saying "there there" and offering what feels like generic, banal platitudes so i can be "ok" and feel "better" and go back to my position as being the listener, the nurturer, the martyr. 

the sad part is how it's worked. how i'm trained at this point to say nothing to avoid the looks, the questions, the falsities ...all while my fire, my spirit, my hope -- the essence of me-- slowly dies inside. 

i escape here and there, but no one understands my obsessions. they keep me as happy and as grounded as they can moments at a time. it is to them, their passion and their craft that i truly owe my sanity. 

however, it feels like i'm slipping away at times. part of me watching, bewildered asking why? why won't you say or do something to stop this?!  and the other looking on helplessly mouthing i'm sorry as i hang my head in shame. 

*deep breath* *exhale*

this is temporary. this too shall pass. the darkest hour is just before the dawn. happiness starts from within. things are getting better all the time...
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 10:35am
^^^ while i appreciate that msbmw, but i'd rather you'd not quoted because now all that text looks like an eyesore back to back. the op ain't going anywhere...

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

it will pass neka

you can always vent on here
thank you samone. and no, i'm not really one to vent. *shrug*

doesn't really do anything/much for me personally. 
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Brjasuga51 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Brjasuga51 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 10:38am
Hug Neka...u are human....and the storm will not last forever.
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Brjasuga51 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brjasuga51 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 10:40am
As it gets closer to Easter...I miss my family. I will miss our Easter Family festivities. The choices I  make has consequences behind it....Missing My Family is one of them
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 10:48am
Hug thanks suga jr. and i agree. 

it's just so all at once and frustrating. 

feels lonely sometimes. 
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Brjasuga51 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Brjasuga51 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 11:16am
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

Hug thanks suga jr. and i agree. 

it's just so all at once and frustrating. 

feels lonely sometimes. 
U are never alone...some people are going through the same even worse and wont say a word. Which is not good. Because things like that u need to let out
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 1:44pm
I feel slightly guilty for not giving two f*cks anymore about other people's problems, but I need to focus on myself. Until the end of the month, it will be all me, me me.
Not sure if I will make it to the end of the month, but I need to try because I gotta get my life in better shape.
I want to get a brand new car this year, and hopefully move out to a better neighborhood.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Apr 16 2014 at 1:45pm
It's kinda disappointing to go on BHM and see that the only forum with 50+ viewers at a time is usually TTT and the other forums get up to 15 at a time.
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