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ShadyLady View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote ShadyLady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 9:55pm
He found out my ex still gives me money and raised hell.

I told him I would stop it...

Now I just have my ex put it in my Suntrust acct instead of BOA. Not sure why I should turn down money from someone strictly platonic who lives 6 hours away.
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Ladybird0724 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Ladybird0724 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:04pm
i don't like that he is pushing me. i was NOT overreacting.

i don't want to give him all the details, b/c then i would have to relive it and i can't go to that place.

8 years later and it still affects me to my core. almost everyday i think about it.

i still wake up scared as hell some nights. still don't like going places by myself. or even outside some days.


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Sleek View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sleek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:23pm
In a blink of an eye everything changes...a knowing but an unknown life is so unpredictable....I've reached that pitchfork in the road but I know already which road I'm going to choose.
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_ConcreteRose_ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote _ConcreteRose_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:24pm
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

so like... 
i really dont think white people hate blacks the way bhm thinks.. 

of course there are racist ppl... but them bunching us into the ghetto/whatever category is just as bad as us bunching all of them as hateful racists. 

Interesting/Thanked. I probably have more white friends than most of BHMers, (most of my friend group it Black though). There are 3 ways I personally categorize whites.

  1. Extremely racist white people who buy into the stereotypes of Black people and will spew their hatred everywhere. (southerners/old people/rednecks/tea party)
  2. White people who were taught to love everyone. They don't try to be racist, but the do have some implicit bias against us because of ignorance and because they're influenced by our racist society. (I believe this is most whites I come across daily fall in this category)
  3. White people who understand their privilege and actively listen to us and try to fight racism. Someone like my african diaspora prof, who was a civil rights lawyer and believes that white people shouldn't try to speak for blacks etc. 
And honestly, I don't believe there are too many of #3s out there. 


Edited by _ConcreteRose_ - Aug 09 2013 at 10:27pm
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jonesable View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:28pm
I think a lot of whites are apathetic and willfully ignorant.
It's not an active hate against blacks but an apathy.
They don't consider or care about the plight of others bc they never have to think of race bc they are white.

I think a lot of whites are like that.
The privilege is preset it's not a conscious effort to be hateful they just don't get it or think about it much

Edited by jonesable - Aug 09 2013 at 10:51pm
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coconess View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:30pm
i agree with everything you said CR.
i come across #2 most often too


Edited by coconess - Aug 09 2013 at 10:38pm
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ShadyLady View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote ShadyLady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:31pm
@ Ladybird

It took months and me having a hysterical, crying breakdown for my boyfriend to stop asking me questions about that. He still gets super protective when I tense up around men or refuse to be in certain situations.
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_ConcreteRose_ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _ConcreteRose_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:32pm
Originally posted by ShadyLady ShadyLady wrote:

@ Ladybird

It took months and me having a hysterical, crying breakdown for my boyfriend to stop asking me questions about that. He still gets super protective when I tense up around men or refuse to be in certain situations.
Hug to Both of you guys. 
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ShadyLady View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ShadyLady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:43pm
Thanks CR
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ladybird0724 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 09 2013 at 10:49pm
thanks shady and CR

i had been fine for a couple yrs after a lot of counseling, but it kinda fell apart when i gave birth. a male doctor (student) was there when i gave birth and had to check me. everytime he would, i would get a contraction, and it just brought back all these horrible memories. i had to beg DH not to go anywhere and stay w/ me b/c i was terrified of him. i eventually got so worked up that i NEEDED the epidural.

i didn't even attempt to breastfeed. i just couldn't bring myself to do it. that's a guilt that i struggle with all the time.

DH was confused but understanding then, and now my behavior has changed drastically and its like i'm back at square 1. i mean, my depression isn't necessarily postpartum, but birth was def. an unexpected trigger. DH asked me last night (and again tonight) why i never told him details and i had a breakdown.

i feel all kinds of things, but i feel disappointed most of all b/c he won't just leave it alone.
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