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children and death

 
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noneyons View Drop Down
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    Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 1:38am
my sis in law just passed and i'm really having a hard time with this. 

i thought i had overcome the fear of death but not so much. with her, it's just different. she was different....

she and my bro have 2 kids that i'm not necessarily super close to because  they've always been private people. i'm just wondering how i go about becoming a permanent influence in their lives without it being awkward. i don't know. i'm having a hard time. what do i say? 


Edited by noneyons - Jul 16 2014 at 1:40am
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msjaim2 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote msjaim2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 1:55am
So,so sorry for your family's loss. TBH, awkwardness, they may need you now more than you could ever know. facilitate an opportunity to let them know you're there for them. How old are the children?.... sending your family love and positive energy.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote noneyons Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 2:03am
Hug thank you.

 the kids are 12 and 6. i can't even imagine what they're going through. the baby kept saying "i'm scared". he's so young he doesnt fully understand. 

my niece was very close to her mom. she's a tough cookie which is why i'm having a hard time figuring out what to say to her. she's had a lot of people around since her mom's passing (lots of friends and family around--distracting her), but i know she's gonna need more. 

i don't know....i'm rambling. i guess i just needed to get this off my chest and get some unbiased opinions. 




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote noneyons Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 2:08am
i'm going to write her a long letter and tell her happy stories of me and her mom and let her know that i'm here for her. it's just so crazy because i haven't been there like i should have in the past. i guess because i'm the adult, i have to kinda barge my way in to her life. that's what i'll do.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote msjaim2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 2:14am
i think it will be easier w the lil one. for the 12 yr old, id ask my bro what some of her interests are and try to slowly build a relationship starting around that... go out to eat,shopping, build her trust so she can identify you as a person she can go to when she may not feel comfortable discussing things with her dad. let her know you love her & will be there for her without pushing the issue.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote msjaim2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 2:16am
yeah, you def wanna be the one to take that step, but id ease into it first to gauge how lil momma responds. I think sharing stories is a good idea. good luck to you. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote noneyons Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 2:23am
she's a dancer. i was always a good dancer so we can bond with that. 

i just think these distractions are more harmful than helpful though. i know she's hurting. 

they are a religious family so i'm thankful that they have that foundation. this sh*t is hard



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote msjaim2 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 3:12am
i hear you... balance was one of the 1st things that came to mind. I was thinking since it seems you genuinely want to build a relationship with her, not just solely based on her mom passing. maybe shell be more open to sharing her feelings about this situation and more open to any talks or suggestions with coping you may have to offer... these situations are never easy.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote DiorShowGirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 3:25am
so sorry to read of your loss.....if you don't mind me asking how old was your sister in law?  again so sorry


Hugx's 1,000,000,000,000,000 to you and your family...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote NARSAddict Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 16 2014 at 4:00am
I would start off slow.  Basically start back up an relationship with your brother.  Maybe once in a while treat them to a family dinner or movies.
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