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Can showing favoritism damage your other kids?

 
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CherryCola View Drop Down
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    Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 3:34pm

Can showing favoritism damage your other kids?

 
I have a cousin who has always bullied and disliked his younger sister because he claims that she was their mother's favorite and the mother spoiled her and neglected him.  He has been in and out of jail, does drugs, committed armed robbery and is pretty selfish.  Do you think favoritism damages the non spoiled or nonfavored child?  Maybe not as bad as my cousin's situation, but it does seem to cause resentment and low self esteem, in my opinion.
 
What are your thoughts?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote TiffanyinTX Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 4:46pm
Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too.  What's the point of being a parent if you're not going to consider it your responsibility to actually set boundaries?

Anyway OP, are you asking this question out of curiosity or because you think this is a common problem in the community?  I only ask because I've read some stuff on how black males get mistreated by single mothers and sometimes I hate feeling like I was the only one.


Edited by TiffanyinTX - Jul 03 2012 at 4:52pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote eyezrundaworld Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 5:47pm
Originally posted by TiffanyinTX TiffanyinTX wrote:

Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too.  What's the point of being a parent if you're not going to consider it your responsibility to actually set boundaries?

Anyway OP, are you asking this question out of curiosity or because you think this is a common problem in the community?  I only ask because I've read some stuff on how black males get mistreated by single mothers and sometimes I hate feeling like I was the only one.
 
links please?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Bunnyahh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 6:09pm
usually when ppl have kids by multiple baby mommas or daddies, favortism happens.
 
yes it affects the kids.  oh well blame the parents & pro-lifers
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote CherryCola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 7:19pm
Originally posted by eyezrundaworld eyezrundaworld wrote:

[QUOTE=TiffanyinTX]

Anyway OP, are you asking this question out of curiosity or because you think this is a common problem in the community?  I only ask because I've read some stuff on how black males get mistreated by single mothers and sometimes I hate feeling like I was the only one.
 
Well, I was asking because my cousin told me that the reason he had so many behavioral and emotional problems was because his mother neglected him and ignored him.  He felt he would of turned out a lot better if his mother has spoiled him and treated him good.
 
His sister, who was spoiled my their mother, and the favored child turned out to be sweet, loving, friendly, a straight A student and very well adjusted. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote CherryCola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 7:22pm
Originally posted by TiffanyinTX TiffanyinTX wrote:

Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too. 
 
But my point is that the spoiled sister turned out to be great.  The brother who was not spoiled is the one who turned out to be a bully and a criminal because he was neglected.  I would rather have a spoiled child than a neglected child who turns into a bully and a criminal.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bunnyahh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 10:38pm
cherry cola, do the brother & sister have the same father??
 
Remember Boys N the Hood & Jason's Lyric???
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Gumdrop92 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 04 2012 at 3:42am
Yes definitely.
Unequally divided attention is almost impossible to avoid when multiple children are involved.
Younger children naturally need more attention. So sometimes this is hard to avoid.
I have found that parents will give more attention to a child because of:
age
hair/eye color
temperament 
gender
etc.

And some parents don't even know they're doing it. 

One of my coworkers married a man that already had 2 boys from a previous marriage. They had a little girl a year ago. Just the way she speaks about the boys (always negative) lets me know that they're being neglected emotionally. The way she speaks to/treats them will mold their behavior. They will act out to get attention...but the parents have already labeled them as "bad", so they will act accordingly.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote CherryCola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 04 2012 at 2:32pm
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

cherry cola, do the brother & sister have the same father??
 
Remember Boys N the Hood & Jason's Lyric???
 
Oh, you're right about that.
 
No.  They don't have the same father.  They have different fathers.  The brother and sister are half siblings.  They have the same mother but different fathers.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bankai_master Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 05 2012 at 9:50am
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

usually when ppl have kids by multiple baby mommas or daddies, favortism happens.
 
yes it affects the kids.  oh well blame the parents & pro-lifers


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