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Bully and abuse victims a sign of weakness?

 
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OhMyCurlz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote OhMyCurlz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 12:40am
Indiecat's description described me to the T. I hate that I am a "pleaser". I am slowly working on being selfish, but it's hard. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 6:02am


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote alynxx Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 6:35am
Originally posted by Az~Maverick Az~Maverick wrote:

Originally posted by indiecat indiecat wrote:


When it comes to abuse, there are people who are co-dependent, I'm an example of that. Co-dependent people tend to be people pleasers, blame themselves, give more than they get, have a fear of abandonment, believe they deserve bad treatment, are fixers. sometimes it traces back to childhood. Maybe having an alcoholic, abusive, or absent parent. In order to get out of this behavior, it takes a lot of introspection. Learning about being a co-depended, learning about being a target for abusers.


As someone who was in an abusive relationship, I totally relate to the above. Being raised in a family where things such as rejection, abandonment was the norm, watching my mom's life waste away with an alcoholic abuser and having a warped idea on what a true family was lead me to the arms of an abuser. When you're a child growing up with feelings of a longing for love, closeness, protection, attention and still feeling alone surrounded by people, it's can become so easy to fall for that first representation of "love".

It took me YEARS to finally figure out what true love is and isn't. Learning to love myself enough to walk away.

That's why it is VERY important for kids to feel loved, protected, safe & stable....even in the midst of chaos...it's imperative for them to know that someone....especially family....to have their back. That's their anchor in this thing called life.

If they don't have that.....they have nothing.



So relate to this. It's hard when this is all you know...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 6:45am
Serial victims?
I do think it takes a certain type of person. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nemesis1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 8:51am
No. I don't consider victims of bullying or abuse as being weak or dumb. It's absurd to even label them with those terms.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote callmeDEva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 9:46am
Never feel that way towards children.

Adults, dumb no. Weak..maybe. But that isn't a bad thing or me judging. IMO, that's just saying you may not have gotten the strength to do the work, address your issues, and leave the situation. When you are broken, when you have allowed someone to break you, you are in a weakened state.

And I know it can take time to gather that strength. It took me 7 years.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote indiecat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 10:44am
Personal story, my own abuser comes from an abusive family his dad and brother have gotten in trouble for it.

My example is my abusers sister in law and brother. she is very weak and has been financially abused. Her husband works his butt off and takes care of her, 1 kid that isn't his, and 1 child that is his. The wife, she has absolutely no skills in the work place, sits home, doesn't clean, everybody in that family calls her lazy behind her back. her abuser cheated on her and she cheated back. He left her and was going to shut off her phone and shut everything in the house off, she was going to be forced to leave. She would talk a big talk about looking for a job, tried to get a job and failed and then started to beg the abuser to come back. she also said she missed having him hold her. This was after she had talked bad about him and said she refused to be beaten up like she was a dog.

So, I do consider her weak. I actually tried to encourage her a lot and I had her back telling her to stand up for herself like I did. That whole family looks down on speaking up when being treated badly. You end up being shunned. she was also weak with that. Her sbd husband ended up back together and she actually turned on me. She did this so she would not be the outcast of the family and she said I was an unmarried single mom. She said I was like the other baby momma of the other brother. this was after all of the help I offered her and all I did for her kids. I was an aunt to them. so, it really is hard to leave. some people cannot stand being shunned, left with nothing but themselves, having to start over again, having to create a new identity, not having any support.

I feel sorry for this woman because her and her husband have the same fights over and over. He has gone to jail for domestic violence. She calls him her soulmate and says people who have been through hell and end up together anyways belong together.

sorry, if it was too personal, I'm a really open and honest person.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote NuAttitude Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 10:50am
Originally posted by Az~Maverick Az~Maverick wrote:

Originally posted by indiecat indiecat wrote:


When it comes to abuse, there are people who are co-dependent, I'm an example of that. Co-dependent people tend to be people pleasers, blame themselves, give more than they get, have a fear of abandonment, believe they deserve bad treatment, are fixers. sometimes it traces back to childhood. Maybe having an alcoholic, abusive, or absent parent. In order to get out of this behavior, it takes a lot of introspection. Learning about being a co-depended, learning about being a target for abusers.


As someone who was in an abusive relationship, I totally relate to the above. Being raised in a family where things such as rejection, abandonment was the norm, watching my mom's life waste away with an alcoholic abuser and having a warped idea on what a true family was lead me to the arms of an abuser. When you're a child growing up with feelings of a longing for love, closeness, protection, attention and still feeling alone surrounded by people, it's can become so easy to fall for that first representation of "love".

It took me YEARS to finally figure out what true love is and isn't. Learning to love myself enough to walk away.

That's why it is VERY important for kids to feel loved, protected, safe & stable....even in the midst of chaos...it's imperative for them to know that someone....especially family....to have their back. That's their anchor in this thing called life.

If they don't have that.....they have nothing.

Clap I applaud you my fellow survivor!!  Well said.....very well said.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote creole booty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 11:52am
I think we r all multidimensional. We all possess the potential to go through points in life when we are weak. However, I believe everyone has the potential to be strong again.


I can't remember what I read about this but basically it said abusers have a way of finding people to abuse. Like its something telling about a person's body language and mannerisms that make them susceptible to continue being preyed on by abusers. I wish I could find it.

I said that to say it doesn't really mean u r weak. It could b that the abuser feels they can weaken u. If that makes sense. Just because u r strong today doesn't mean that u can't end up in one of these situations after being broken down over time.

Edited by creole booty - Aug 12 2014 at 11:53am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sbrownie84 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 12 2014 at 12:58pm
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Serial victims?
I do think it takes a certain type of person. 

Can you please elaborate?
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