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Broke off engagement cuz of hair

 
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used2braid View Drop Down
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    Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 12:10am
Hi ladies,

I know this is should be posted in the "relationship" section but that section is too general..

So basically my fiancé and I have been together for 3 years. He;s white. When he met me, I was wearing those braids;


Because of the stress on my edges (and me being bored)

I started experimenting with half wigs and lace wigs.

When I first started, my hair looked a HOT MESS


But as I started hanging out in this forum and learning new techniques, I feel like my hair looks pretty natural



I feel like my applications have become more and more natural and even my own mom (who hates wigs) tells me that it looks nice on me. I'm doing this wigs thing until my hair becomes a long enough length for me to start wearing my own hair out.

Well, whenever he sees me, he'll look at my hairline and be like "Is that your real hair?" And I'll be like "No..." and then he'll do this sigh or this little disapproving grunt. Or he'll point out "It looks unnatural"..and I'll feel all self-conscious. He doesn't like me in cornrows or wearing a stocking cap at night...none of it.
Its been really getting to me because it makes me feel stupid about wearing them in the first place no matter how confident I am around other people. I've tried explaining through youtube videos and bringing him to black beauty supply stores about my hair textures and tried so much times to explain how our hair grows (washing, textures, weaves, wigs etc...)

So basically we got into YET another argument last night because he said that he doesn't approve of me wearing wigs and says he doesn't want to encourage me "hiding myself". (He's seen my natural hair btw)

Not to throw all my personal business out there but basically its been REALLY getting at me and makes me feel really self-conscious (Chris Rock style) about my natural hair growth journey...
So I broke off our engagement because I don't feel beautiful and completely accepted around him. Its not cool to be feeling all fly around others and by myself and then feel this judgemental scrutiny around the guy who's supposed to love me no matter what.

Has anyone else encountered the same problem with a bf/husband? How did you deal.

To some, this might feel petty but I just was tired of feeling like he was always looking down upon me for "doing my thang". In my opinion, men should just shut up and say "you look nice babe!"

Thought?

Thanks for reading. Makes me feel slightly better even just writing this out.
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Kami612 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (16) Thanks(16)   Quote Kami612 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 12:23am
I think he has good intentions but I think hes going about it the wrong way.

The person that you are going to commit yourself to for the rest of your life should be bringing you up & making you feel beautiful. He needs to learn to accept ALL of you, wigs & all.

You should really let him know that he is doing more harm than help.
OP you need to let him know that you are not comfortable wearing your hair out & he needs to know that he can't pressure you until you are ready.

Oh & BTW you are a very pretty woman & your apps look very natural to me, so he must be cray.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (9) Thanks(9)   Quote Favored1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 12:38am
I am so sorry this is happening to you Hug  A man that is so busy looking at your hair/hairline and not your heart is not a man that deserves you....He should be complimenting you when no one else is, making you smile when you are down and standing up for you when others are trying to tear you down.....I'm sure he has things that you could talk about too.... hold your head up,  smile and know that you are pretty and deserving of a good man who will accept all of you....In due time that RIGHT man will come along....Much Love to you Sister....

Edited by Favored1 - Mar 14 2012 at 12:56am
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csungrl09 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote csungrl09 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 12:42am
Originally posted by Favored1 Favored1 wrote:

I am so sorry this is happening to you Hug  A man that is so busy looking at your hair/hairline and not your heart is not a man that deserves you....He should be complimenting you when no one else is, making you smile when you are down and standing up for you when others are trying to tear you down.....I'm sure he has things that you could talk about too.... hold your head up,  smile and know that you are pretty and deserving of a good man who will accept all of you....In due time that RIGHT man will come along....Much Love to you Sister....


All of this..you are beautiful!!!!
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joy6899 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (9) Thanks(9)   Quote joy6899 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 1:15am
IA with all this.

my husband has never liked weaves or wigs and when i first started he looked like




now hes like this when i get a wig and when i talk to him about hair or include him in hair related things


if you love it, your SO will love it and love learning about it b/c he loves you.
my husband is proud to say to other dudes he knows and can tell the best from the restLOL

im glad you broke it off
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YaYaStar View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote YaYaStar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 1:16am
Your decision to call off your engagement speaks to your strength and I commend you for your courage and applaud you for loving you more. Thankfully my husband makes no complaints through all my hair decisions. My recent alopecia diagnosis had a sisters confidance a little shaken but my husband has always made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world so the feeling was short lived. Maybe after a good heart to heart the emgagement will resume and if not you know that you made the decision best for you.
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YaYaStar View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote YaYaStar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 1:17am
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LovesLace View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (8) Thanks(8)   Quote LovesLace Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 1:19am
What was his response when you broke it off? Has he tried to reconcile?
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Lite Brite View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Lite Brite Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 2:49am
Aww what a terrible situation. This is an example of a cultural difference that isn't doable. I understand your need to feel beautiful and accepted and not judged by him.

But fyi, you're beautiful! and your idea of a hot ass mess looked good to me! lol.. I was expecting to see the ugly BSS beauty supply wigs I see around here
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KayCee4 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2012 at 6:32am
Hug It took a lot of strength to put yourself and your feelings first.
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