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melikey 
Elite Member
Joined: Oct 03 2006
Location: venus
Status: Offline
Points: 107658
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 Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:41am |
 ms_wonderland wrote:
you don't have to be a parent to have an opinion on parenting...we all had parents growing up. We lived it...experience is obviously another level but clearly there are enough sh*tty parents that it doesn't always say much. |
Yeah I don't buy that you need to be a parent to have an opinion either. Your beliefs prior to having children play a huge role. He said so himself, he decided that beatings were not his thing based on his experience, so he approached raising his child from that perspective.
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trudawg
Elite Member
Joined: Sep 04 2008
Location: WorldWide
Status: Offline
Points: 24983
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:45am |
blaquefoxx wrote:
BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? |
I'm sorry, but I thought the question was directed towards parents 
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melikey
Elite Member
Joined: Oct 03 2006
Location: venus
Status: Offline
Points: 107658
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:49am |
trudawg wrote:
blaquefoxx wrote:
BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? |
I'm sorry, but I thought the question was directed towards parents
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The OP can comment on her intent. But there were clearly multiple questions in the OP. Even if there weren't that doesn't stop others from commenting, regardless of your opinion in the value of said comments.
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coconess
Elite Member
Joined: Dec 30 2006
Location: Cali
Status: Offline
Points: 258472
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:51am |
i think you can be a good parent but not a good person…
i guess a 'good person' is subjective though
but yea I've seen it.
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blaquefoxx
Elite Member
Joined: Jul 17 2008
Location: Babylon
Status: Offline
Points: 161735
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:03pm |
Thanks...nucca got me re-reading my own ish to make sure I was clear
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melikey
Elite Member
Joined: Oct 03 2006
Location: venus
Status: Offline
Points: 107658
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:15pm |
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DMV folks, there's a parenting show on NpR. There is an author of a book called "all joy and no fun the paradox of modern parenthood".
I want to get her book.
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f8dagrate
Elite Member
Joined: Nov 26 2010
Location: inyomouf
Status: Offline
Points: 95449
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:22pm |
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Spankings didn't help me one bit. I wasn't a terrible child, just wanted attention. If someone would have explained why instead of beat me. It would have helped me immensely.
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iliveforbhm
Guest Group
Joined: Dec 27 2013
Status: Offline
Points: 15114
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:28pm |
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Whippings don't work, there are a primitive man easy way out of parenting to put fear in a child instead of talking to them.
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nekamarie83
Elite Member
Joined: Dec 28 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 169429
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:32pm |
iliveforbhm wrote:
Whippings don't work, there are a primitive man easy way out of parenting to put fear in a child instead of talking to them. |
You can't speak for everyone. So please don't. As far as the rest of the generalization, you can hurt a child without laying a hand on them by talking to them. So… *shrug*
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Derri
Elite Member
Joined: Jul 26 2008
Location: Paradise
Status: Offline
Points: 74306
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Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:53pm |
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My mother beat us as kids.
She has since apologized and explained that in that society, that's just the most common form of discipline.
It came from a good place, it just wasn't the best way.
Technically it was physical abuse. As she beat me, she would say, i am beating you not because of what you did, but because you lied to me about it.
I couldn't respond back ( i wouldn't dare) but what I was thinking was, i was afraid to admit it because of
A: the shame i feel for doing this disappointing thing
B: afraid that you might beat me for it! Lol
I think I did admit to doing something once, and didn't get beat but got very strong words. I don't remember exactly right now.
Anyhow, my mother wasn't an 'abuser' though technically it was abuse. my mother was not a monster or an addict or someone who did not nurture her children. Quite the opposite. But in the Caribbean, beatings is the norm.
She recognizes now that it wasn't the only or best way and I can't have her feeling guilty for the rest of her life. I'm no longer getting beat, i see what a great parent she's been otherwise, and it was the catalyst for breaking that particular generational cycle.
Edited by Derri - Feb 06 2014 at 12:55pm
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