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Being a good parent...

 
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melikey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote melikey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:41am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

you don't have to be a parent to have an opinion on parenting...we all had parents growing up.  We lived it...experience is obviously another level but clearly there are enough sh*tty parents that it doesn't always say much.   


Yeah I don't buy that you need to be a parent to have an opinion either. Your beliefs prior to having children play a huge role. He said so himself, he decided that beatings were not his thing based on his experience, so he approached raising his child from that perspective.
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trudawg View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote trudawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:45am
Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:


BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? 


I'm sorry, but I thought the question was directed towards parentsConfused
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote melikey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:49am
Originally posted by trudawg trudawg wrote:

Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:


BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? 


I'm sorry, but I thought the question was directed towards parentsConfused



The OP can comment on her intent. But there were clearly multiple questions in the OP. Even if there weren't that doesn't stop others from commenting, regardless of your opinion in the value of said comments.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:51am
i think you can be a good parent but not a good person… 

i guess a 'good person' is subjective though 

but yea I've seen it. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote blaquefoxx Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:03pm
Originally posted by melikey melikey wrote:

Originally posted by trudawg trudawg wrote:

Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:


BHM parents, did someone teach you or did you teach yourself along the way? Would you have preferred if someone (either mom, grandma, dad, etc) guided you in raising you kids? Do you think someone trying to guide you is "over stepping or being disrespectful? 


I'm sorry, but I thought the question was directed towards parentsConfused



The OP can comment on her intent. But there were clearly multiple questions in the OP. Even if there weren't that doesn't stop others from commenting, regardless of your opinion in the value of said comments.
Thanks...nucca got me re-reading my own ish to make sure I was clearErmm
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melikey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote melikey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:15pm
DMV folks, there's a parenting show on NpR. There is an author of a book called "all joy and no fun the paradox of modern parenthood".

I want to get her book.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote f8dagrate Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:22pm
Spankings didn't help me one bit. I wasn't a terrible child, just wanted attention. If someone would have explained why instead of beat me. It would have helped me immensely.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote iliveforbhm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:28pm
Whippings don't work, there are a primitive man easy way out of parenting to put fear in a child instead of talking to them.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:32pm
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

Whippings don't work, there are a primitive man easy way out of parenting to put fear in a child instead of talking to them.
You can't speak for everyone. So please don't.

As far as the rest of the generalization, you can hurt a child without laying a hand on them by talking to them.

So… *shrug*
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 12:53pm
My mother beat us as kids.
She has since apologized and explained that in that society, that's just the most common form of discipline.
It came from a good place, it just wasn't the best way.
Technically it was physical abuse. As she beat me, she would say, i am beating you not because of what you did, but because you lied to me about it.

I couldn't respond back ( i wouldn't dare) but what I was thinking was, i was afraid to admit it because of
A: the shame i feel for doing this disappointing thing
B: afraid that you might beat me for it! Lol

I think I did admit to doing something once, and didn't get beat but got very strong words. I don't remember exactly right now.

Anyhow, my mother wasn't an 'abuser' though technically it was abuse. my mother was not a monster or an addict or someone who did not nurture her children. Quite the opposite. But in the Caribbean, beatings is the norm.

She recognizes now that it wasn't the only or best way and I can't have her feeling guilty for the rest of her life. I'm no longer getting beat, i see what a great parent she's been otherwise, and it was the catalyst for breaking that particular generational cycle.


Edited by Derri - Feb 06 2014 at 12:55pm
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