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Being a good parent...

 
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blaquefoxx View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote blaquefoxx Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:16am
But such a bold statement to make without offering a solution. Huge pet peeve on mine when it comes to negroes...
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iliveforbhm View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote iliveforbhm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:18am
Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:

But such a bold statement to make without offering a solution. Huge pet peeve on mine when it comes to negroes...
 
There is no solution for the fallen negrodrials. They are gone forever. The ones who can make it can use their situation to show other negros that their way is destructive and work with those and anyone who wants to follow them can but can never be fcuked with again.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote trudawg Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:24am
. . . and the BHM generalizations and conjecturing continues. I really wish those who are not parents would refrain before contributing unbased opinions on successfully raising children.

As a parent of twin 14 year old boys, I can honestly say it's not an easy job, nor something you're ever fully prepared for. However, being raised in a two-parent household, it at least gave me a foundation to start from. My parents admit to making mistakes raising us, just like their parents made mistakes raising them. All you can do, like all other achievements in life, is hope to do better than the previous generations.
The mistakes my parents did make, I made it a point not to make those same mistakes. For example, my parents didn't really say "I love you" very often. Therefore, I made and continue to make it a point to tell my sons I love you every chance I get. And even now, I make it a point to tell my parents I love them whenever I get the opportunity. Furthermore, I got my ass beat when I was kid and I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself. I vowed to never beat my kids, and I never have (of course they've been popped a time or two), but I try to raise them with positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement.
I think having both parents involved in a child's life is crucial, however single parent households can and do thrive as well with additional effort.
A lot of the children the OP are referring to are missing fundamental needs in the hierarchy of needs pyramid, and their parents likely never had those needs fulfilled either. It can be a detrimental cycle

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melikey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote melikey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:24am
There's a few parenting books I plan to read like "the happiest baby on the block". Just mainly out of curiosity.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote melikey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:27am
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:

<FONT size=3 face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">But such a bold statement to make without offering a solution. Huge pet peeve on mine when it comes to negroes...


 

There is no solution for the fallen negrodrials. They are gone forever. The ones who can make it can use their situation to show other negros that their way is destructive and work with those and anyone who wants to follow them can but can never be fcuked with again.


Not true. People who were raised poorly can be educated or mentored to not make the same mistakes.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PurplePhase Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:28am
Originally posted by trudawg trudawg wrote:

  Furthermore, I got my ass beat when I was kid and I didn't like the way it made me feel about myself. I vowed to never beat my kids, and I never have (of course they've been popped a time or two), but I try to raise them with positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement.
 


I love this.

 
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iliveforbhm View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote iliveforbhm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:29am

Maslow's heirachry is a good start for teaching parents on what goals they should provide to be better parents.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:29am
First we have to define what a good parent is.
For me, Before you can be a 'good' parent you have to be a 'good' person, and in my opinion, this society doesn't teach you how to do that.
I don't really care for the word good, so I mean an introspective, analytical person who can solve problems efficiently.
One who isn't self serving, and one who can function well in the current state of the world; who understands the purpose of money fully--not as a tool for power and control but for necessity and survival.
A healthy working mind.

When it comes to love and nourishment of the soul, for me a 'good' person is one who doesn't seek their identity in others. One who will hear a compliment or an insult and not internalize it as absolute. One who understands that an insult or a compliment is a reflection of someone else, which is a reflection of someone that person came into contact with which is a reflection of another situation...and so on. We don't internalize these things as the identity of the Self.

When it comes to love, a good person loves because they desire to multiply---they desire to share what they have be it knowledge, material, laughter. Any and everything. Not to control, but simply to share. That's what love truly is...a sharing of the Self in order to multiply the goodness for more Selves to enjoy.

Basically a person who can separate the mind from the Self.

Who is responsible for this? Well it is everyone's responibility but this is not the society we live in. Some societies do this and some don't.

Children whose minds aren't trained to solve problems or to think deeply will grow up to be people with wild minds that cause them to act foolishly without considering the dangers and the implications. That could go on forever because the mind is like an iron shield that just grows stronger in it's conditionings. It can be reconditioned, but of course it always fights new conditioning and it takes a lot of will power to do so. They then have children and the same thing happens..It's a vicious cycle.


My parents planted the seed of deeper thinking: analysis and introspection. After so many years of that conditioning, my mind just took off solving problems well.




Edited by Derri - Feb 06 2014 at 11:33am
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iliveforbhm View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote iliveforbhm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:30am
Originally posted by melikey melikey wrote:

Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

Originally posted by blaquefoxx blaquefoxx wrote:

<FONT size=3 face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">But such a bold statement to make without offering a solution. Huge pet peeve on mine when it comes to negroes...


 

There is no solution for the fallen negrodrials. They are gone forever. The ones who can make it can use their situation to show other negros that their way is destructive and work with those and anyone who wants to follow them can but can never be fcuked with again.


Not true. People who were raised poorly can be educated or mentored to not make the same mistakes.
 
Only if they are young, if they are not enlightened by the time they reached 25 or 30 they will be lost forever.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote ms_wonderland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 06 2014 at 11:34am
you don't have to be a parent to have an opinion on parenting...we all had parents growing up.  We lived it...experience is obviously another level but clearly there are enough sh*tty parents that it doesn't always say much.  I love great parents, especially single mothers who create smart, confident kids. 

And I'm really tired of ppl being bothered by generalizations when they're negative but always cosigning the positive generalizations.  
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