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Background checking date Revisited

 
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mangachan View Drop Down
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    Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 11:58am
As some of you may remember, I posted a thread a few months ago about background checking dates.  How would you feel about someone ELSE background checking your person.

The reason I ask is I am in this situation now.  A family member who already thinks she knows every darn thing is pushing for my to do a background check on my SO.  I've already checked him out.  Background checks do reveal "thangs" but not necessarily everything.  i.e. just because he may not have a criminal record doesn't mean he just isn't in it for sex; things like that.

I have a couple of issues with this person practically demanding to run AND view the results of a background check herself I want to know If I'm just being unreasonable here.

I feel like the person (who has a tendency to be extremely opinionated in general) will NEVER be okay with my relationship unless SHE knows things are.  Like, my efforts, merits and observational skills aren't good enough.  She does this with other things too and she's like this with everyone.  Other family members would actually side with her because they see her as "responsible" and knowledgeable about things.  Even if people disagree with her they won't say anything because she gets aggressive.

What if we do find something that may not be as serious as say, a sex offense but something that she wouldn't find palatable.  She'll try to make me deal with the information in a way that SHE wants.  Basically I'll be forced to progress and/or terminate the relationship because of what she says.  Also, I can't trust that she won't tell other people (such as my hovering parents) about any results.  Then there you go, more people all up in my relationship business with their opinions.

What if this does turn into a long term thing maybe even leading to marriage and I don't want to build a relationship where we have 10 people all up in there.  Is it okay to be uneasy with somebody else knowing into my SO's business?  How do I know that she won't continue to assert herself into things later?!  Does this sound like a power issue to anyone else?  Seriously the more I think about this the more it pisses me off.





Sidenote**how the heck do I change this avatar, I'm tired of this bun!!


Edited by mangachan - Mar 16 2014 at 11:58am
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NJHairLuv View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote NJHairLuv Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:09pm
Very unhealthy. You are an adult and should not be subjected to this level of control. It wont stop until you are able to move far away.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ladycoils Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:10pm
You're the one dating him. If you are satisfied with the result you got and all the pieces of the puzzle fit for you then tell "her" to back off and find another hobby.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ShadyLady Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:18pm
What is he saying or doing that's making someone THAT suspicious of him?

I'm not condoning someone being all up in your business like that, but I can't imagine they'd be going so hard unless they see red flags they feel like you're ignoring.
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mangachan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mangachan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:19pm
Okay that's what I thought.  She just has a way of saying things that make you think you're being the brat for disagreeing.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thewonderfulwa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:20pm
There are certain things that a BC can provide info on others thing you have to experience by observing the actions of that person.
I am that opinionated friend but I do know when to back off and she should trust your instincts what might be a issue for her might not be for you. I also don't get how she would think her having the info before you would be helpful.

Edited by thewonderfulwa - Mar 16 2014 at 12:26pm
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mangachan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mangachan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:23pm
Originally posted by ShadyLady ShadyLady wrote:

What is he saying or doing that's making someone THAT suspicious of him?

I'm not condoning someone being all up in your business like that, but I can't imagine they'd be going so hard unless they see red flags they feel like you're ignoring.



He has done a total of... ::druuuuuuuumrolllll:: ...

NOTHING to warrant this.  I'm not just white-knighting for him either.  I knew him for a year before dating him.  A sister met him within that timeframe.  I wouldn't have even gone out with him had he not already met certain criteria.  I don't date just anyone.

Now she got me so squirrel-y I'm getting suspicious at him and over-analyzing everything he says and does.


Edited by mangachan - Mar 16 2014 at 12:24pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote IslandSuga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:26pm
I would do a BC and just not tell the family member about it
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bunzaveli Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:36pm
lawd, not only you checking, your family to ? lol
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gkisses Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 12:41pm
how was she get the information she needs to conduct a background check in the first place. Is this your mother something and how old are you I'm confused by this all around
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