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Baby Daddy #2

 
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PiiNkBaYZeBrA View Drop Down
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    Posted: May 26 2013 at 4:54am
Hey ladies!
I need advice on giving money to my best friend. We are both 19 and she recently had a baby. However, she always asks me for money to buy her baby things and while her child is my god baby I'm starting to get stingy with my money. I work a minimum wage job (she has no job) and I'm trying to save money to pay for college, to furnish my apt. and buy myself what I want. When she did have a job she was pulling so little hours that her checks were $100 at the very most. I told her early in her pregnancy to look for a better job but she said she would find another job after the baby is born (i warned her it was a bad idea) I basically feel like Baby Daddy #2 because I am supporting this child financially and my pockets are burning! She's too afraid to ask the father for money because he already has 2 other kids and they don't know each other that well so he feels like he can just shoo her off. Whenever I hand her money I cringe and think about all the tired hours I spend at work only for my check to go into another girl's pocketsCry 
How do I tell her politely to stop asking me for money without ruining our friendship?


Edited by PiiNkBaYZeBrA - May 26 2013 at 4:55am
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iluvmihair View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote iluvmihair Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 5:47am
I am speaking from a Christian standpoint. Just giving fair warning in case people want to skip. I would very much pray about your situation. If you are a praying woman, pray. I would tell her that Jesus won't fail her, but people will. Then, that's when I would tell her I wouldn't be able to help her anymore/ as much. I would introduce her to my/ a church, even go with her a few times (if you don't already) so that she would be more encouraged to continue to go. At a church, she can build her relationship with Christ and learn to depend on Him, rather than you. She can also find job leads, possible help with her baby, more friends, shooot maybe even a future husband. Good luck with your situation and God bless both of you (and tha baby :D)
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ScorpioLuv View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ScorpioLuv Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 1:05pm
Where the real daddy at? Thats not your kid, where are her parents? These are things she should've thought about before she got knocked up. If she couldnt afford it, she shouldnt have did it. Let her suffer, that's a part of being a young, dumb, broke mother. Stop enabling her bc Ive seen other people do it before, they take advantage of your kindness. 
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Spokenword View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 1:42pm
You just let her know:

"Hey so and so, you know you are my girl, but I cannot continue to lend you money. I have things I need to accomplish and save money for and I simply cannot afford to lend anymore money".

Then you need to encourage her to ask her parents (if they are around) other family, FILE for child support and seek another job. She could also sign up for government assistance. 

If she stops being friends with you over this, then she was not a true friend.  

stop giving it to her. she will do what she needs to do when forced to it.  
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Hawk View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Hawk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 7:37pm
A simple "i dont have it" should be sufficient
if its not state youre saving for your tomorrow! 


the hell! tell her to get on welfare and put him on child support, i'd even get her the forms.



Edited by Hawk - May 26 2013 at 7:38pm
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Brjasuga51 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Brjasuga51 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 7:55pm
Just tell her you don't have it.... if she gets mad that means she wasn't a genuine friend to begin with.
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khivey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2013 at 10:38pm
Tell her you don't have it..after a few times,she'll stop asking.  People do tend to begin to think you will be the one to do it and even begin to expect it. You wouldn't be a good friend if you continued to enable her.
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Beauty620 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Beauty620 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 27 2013 at 12:33am
I agree, just begin to tell her you don't have it....and eventually she'll stop asking somewhere down the line. Too me it's like once you keep doing for others, and they keep asking you, it's like they are taking your kindness for weakness. You may feel bad after awhile because that's your friend....BUT you did not father that baby so she needs to either contact him or her family. Also she sounds like she needs to get off her butt and get a job, stop depending on you...sheeeesh. Don't nothing come to a sleeper but a dream.

Keep doing you boo, and i wish you more success. Your a good friend, but it's time to be alot selfish.
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PiiNkBaYZeBrA View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PiiNkBaYZeBrA Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 28 2013 at 3:46am
Thank you guys so much for the advice. I'll just say, " I don't have it"
My only problem with that is if we go shopping together and she sees me buying stuff or sees me in new clothes after I tell her I don't have it, what should I say then? Confused 
These answers are really helping me see that it's her struggle, and her mistake...not mine.
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Printer_Ink View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 28 2013 at 11:14am
Sorry but a 'friend' that bleeds you dry like that.. is not really a friend.
 
It was her choice to have a child out of wedlock or out of a decent relationship-lock so she has to either depend on herself, beg the baby daddy to fork it out .. or get on welfare and spend the rest of her life living in the hood begging crumbs off the government - like the rest of these stupid girls that cannot:
 
find a way to keep their knees together
stay on birth control
have an abortion
 
She is using you. You are a soft touch ... and she will take and take from you forever if you let her.
 
Stop shopping with her. You should not have to explain WHY you are spending your own flippin money!
 
Grow a backbone and leave her in the dust - blow her off.  She is a user.
 
If after X amount of time she gets it together .. maybe you can renew the friendship .. but if she asks you for 5 more cents - dump her.
 
Don't lie.
 
Tell her the truth which is that .. you cannot pay your bills and plan a future for yourself ... if you are giving her money all the time.


Edited by Printer_Ink - May 28 2013 at 11:20am
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