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At what age will you panic

 
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sunshine321511 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 10:44am
PREACH!!!, I have told many that if you are an black woman and your sole goal is to get married by a certain age, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Especially in cities like DC, where I live...a very large amount of women are attractive, have good federal jobs, and many many many of them are not married and the prospects are low.  SO LIVE YOUR LIFE, marriage is not the end all be all.
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I started panicking around 23/24 and got over it last year.  I'm 27 now.  I don't see the point in freaking out over something you don't have complete control over.  My ideal is to be in a healthy long-lasting marriage and have children, but if I can't have that, I'd rather not settle.  Fortuneately and unfortuneately, I have had the opportunity to witness what happens when women put arbitrary timelines ahead of their happiness and its some scary stuff.  I don't want to find myself in that situation.

I have come to terms that not everyone gets married, and being unmarried is not the worst thing in the world that can happen to a woman.  I also realized that I don't want to be one of those women whose happiness is directly correlated to her relationship status.  I have loads of other things going for me other than my romantic life, so saying I can't be content inspite of having a loving family, great friends, and a promising career is just silly.

So at this point I don't have any imaginary age in which I will freak out.  I've just decided to live my life and deal with issues as they come.  Hopefully it all works out the way I would like.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tbaby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 10:57am
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Alright ladies, lets be completely real here.
If you're already married, at what age did you think you were going to get married and what age did you end up getting married?


I thought I'd be married by 26 and have kids by 28.  Met a great guy at 27, but I left him to join the armyLOL

Around 30 I started to really worry about not ever finding a good man.  At 34-35 I was making moves to adopt or do foster care, and buy a house.  Figured marriage wasn't going to happen and accepted it.

Met future husband at 36, got married, now have 2 kids, a house, and a great career.  God gave me all that I wished for, but on His time schedule, not mine.




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 11:02am
Originally posted by Jr1127 Jr1127 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I started panicking around 23/24 and got over it last year.  I'm 27 now.  I don't see the point in freaking out over something you don't have complete control over.  My ideal is to be in a healthy long-lasting marriage and have children, but if I can't have that, I'd rather not settle.  Fortuneately and unfortuneately, I have had the opportunity to witness what happens when women put arbitrary timelines ahead of their happiness and its some scary stuff.  I don't want to find myself in that situation.

I have come to terms that not everyone gets married, and being unmarried is not the worst thing in the world that can happen to a woman.  I also realized that I don't want to be one of those women whose happiness is directly correlated to her relationship status.  I have loads of other things going for me other than my romantic life, so saying I can't be content inspite of having a loving family, great friends, and a promising career is just silly.

So at this point I don't have any imaginary age in which I will freak out.  I've just decided to live my life and deal with issues as they come.  Hopefully it all works out the way I would like.
What would happen when they do but arbitrary timelines??

They overlook a lot of obvious flaws in the man or in the relationship because their sole concern is marriage.  When they eventually marry they end up dealing with very stressful relationship problems that cause them to be worse off than when they were single.  Dealing with incurable STDs, physical/verbal abuse or perpetual infidelity, make going to bed lonely seem like a walk in the park.  Its better to take your time and date with a clear head so you can be sure you are doing the right thing, because relationships can be trying even when you're with the right person.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote melly Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 11:04am
I believe that things happen when their supposed to happen, not when you want it to happen.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote teendiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 11:06am
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:



Originally posted by Babydoll9163 Babydoll9163 wrote:



Willingly entering single motherhood? Let us know how that works out Sleepy

With proper planning, like with everything else, she'll be fine.


Originally posted by Babydoll9163 Babydoll9163 wrote:


It's not so much about "could you" as "should you"





She should if that is what she wants to do. I don't see anything wrong with it. If you are sh*tty and irresponsible, you will be sh*tty and irresponsible with or with out another parent.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Bunnyahh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 11:11am
 
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Alright ladies, lets be completely real here.
If you're already married, at what age did you think you were going to get married and what age did you end up getting married?

I thought I was gonna get married early 20s, ended up getting married early 20s.
I was never worried cuz I found him early when I was in my teens.  I've always had a man ready to marry me anyway.  If he were to die tomorrow, I'm sure I'd be married within 2 yrs
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote keepgrowing Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 11:25am
Originally posted by melly melly wrote:

I believe that things happen when their supposed to happen, not when you want it to happen.

True. 

Anyways I am not ready to marry I am too selfish. I couldn't do what I did last night if I was married or in a serious relationship LOL


Edited by keepgrowing - Nov 17 2012 at 11:27am
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Originally posted by melly melly wrote:

I believe that things happen when their supposed to happen, not when you want it to happen.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NailtechDC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 12:04pm
Originally posted by Tbaby Tbaby wrote:

Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Alright ladies, lets be completely real here.
If you're already married, at what age did you think you were going to get married and what age did you end up getting married?


I thought I'd be married by 26 and have kids by 28.  Met a great guy at 27, but I left him to join the armyLOL

Around 30 I started to really worry about not ever finding a good man.  At 34-35 I was making moves to adopt or do foster care, and buy a house.  Figured marriage wasn't going to happen and accepted it.

Met future husband at 36, got married, now have 2 kids, a house, and a great career.  God gave me all that I wished for, but on His time schedule, not mine.



Thanks for this...My mom keeps reminding me everyday that if it's going to happen it'll happen.

I had already started looking into sperm donors....actually found a site where people donate eggs and sperm for free. Signed up and I had guys contacting me.    I know it sounds desperate but I am.  About the kid thing and not the husband thing.   I'm trying to figure out how to find peace with not having kids and a family, when it's something I wanted so bad.  I've tried to throw myself into my career and I'm having terrible luck with that.   No career, kids or husband.  I'm trying to figure out what I will devote the rest of my life to. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Bunnyahh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 17 2012 at 12:23pm
Originally posted by Positive K Positive K wrote:

Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

 
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Alright ladies, lets be completely real here.
If you're already married, at what age did you think you were going to get married and what age did you end up getting married?

I thought I was gonna get married early 20s, ended up getting married early 20s.
I was never worried cuz I found him early when I was in my teens.  I've always had a man ready to marry me anyway.  If he were to die tomorrow, I'm sure I'd be married within 2 yrs


hmmm interesting...in your opinion Bunny, what about you makes your likelihood of getting married higher than some other women?
I've got a lot of the positive attributes that men are looking for.  not gonna list them, but if you've seen the threads here u can put them together
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