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Anyone lonely friendless in a relationship?

 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 09 2014 at 9:26am
I don't have kids either - never wanted any and I am 58.

Go because life is too short and if tommorrow you find you have cancer - you're gonna hate that you never saw Paris in the Springtime!

I hate to coin an old phrase but ... IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE!!!!

LIVE GIRL!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Sophrosyne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 28 2014 at 5:25pm
I'm sat here in a supposedly wonderful relationship with my soulmate and feeling lonely. OH does mad shifts, up at 2am home at 2pm; comes home tired, barely conversant, sleeps in his chair then off to bed to sleep. There's been no affection, no attention, no niceties, no acts of kindness of late, not even a passing kiss and definitely no sex! Probably been intimate twice in the last couple months. He moans a lot about petty stuff. 

Actually, I tell a lie, he brought me breakfast in bed about 6 weeks ago. He always used to do that alot and I for him too. I love him, and believe he still loves me but it's so hard to believe it when he barely communicates with me.

I'm living at his place at the moment and treat it as my home, cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing...try to keep things nice and clean, and today he just says 'ugh this place needs a good clean its dirty'...umm it's not - just another thing to moan about and have a dig at me? 

I'm thinking of going back to my own place and my own space!




 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 29 2014 at 12:07am
@Sophrosyne, you need to talk to him about your relationship. I mean he does work 12 hours and leaves at the middle of the night to only be back when the sun has been up for way too long, but if he sleeps 8 hours, he got 4 hours to spend with you. You could suggest doing night things like dinner, late movie before he goes to work, art walk - something.

If he isn't interested and he keeps complaining, then maybe you should pack your bags and get your own place. You can't stop your life because your bf works way too much and isn't thankful to what you do.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Sophrosyne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 29 2014 at 9:15am
Yes you're right. I intend to talk to him on one of his rare days off. 

He hates going to the movies and seems only to like dinner that I cook for him! I am planning something what we can do together but have to plan it carefully so it doesn't clash with his shifts. I myself study part-time and back to work full time next month. I would luv for him to make the effort for me. 

The other thing is he's so proud. It's his house but while I'm here I want to contribute to the bills etc. One time I paid a bill and he was mad about it. Said you shouldn't have done it reh reh reh. I do buy the groceries though and he seems ok with that. I sometimes think he thinks I'm trying to take over his home or something but I'm not. Just want to pay my way.

Ugh...so many things to resolve. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 29 2014 at 6:22pm
If you really care about him, move out. Honestly, sounds like he is taking you for granted, so you need to let him miss you a bit.
Or you can stay and try to plan things for you guys to do, the problem is, what if he is tired, doesn't want to do it or wants to chill at home?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sophrosyne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 04 2014 at 4:45pm
@sexyandfamous: that's the point I've reached. I'm planning to move back to mine for a while. Things aren't getting any better partly my fault as I haven't spoken to him about anything but he's making things so blatantly obvious that somethings wrong that I'll have to speak to him and move out at the same time!

A few things have developed. I'm a sister that wears a weave sometimes and rocks a huge 'fro when it's not weaved. When I met him, I had a weave on. Over the years he's been very vocal about how he doesn't like weaves and he prefers natural hair. Every woman that comes on the tv with a weave or if he sees one socially - he'll make a rude comment about how horrible it looks - he'll even say it about mine.

When I take my hair out of the weave - he makes no comment. None. Zero. Every stranger in the street stops me and tells me how the luv my 'fro. Compliments from everyone - but him? Nothing.  

Aaaaanyways, the other night we got into again about this weave thing. I tried to tell him on a deep level that it's not just about weaves it's about how I like to look and feel sometimes. I said when I met you I had a weave and you never said you didn't like it - he chimes up I never said I did like it! This makes me think that fundamentally you don't like....me?? I was then trying to tell him more about how I feel about it then I realised he wasn't even listening......he'd tuned into what was on the tv.

The night before I went to bed in tears. We're like ships in the night. So the next morning he gets up and I realise its a rare day off for him - I thought great - now's my chance to tell him how I feel. Only for him to tell me his son is coming back from abroad and he's going to buy xyz to cook reh reh reh. So off he went to get stuff for his sons homecoming. Well that's fine. I can't wait to see him either....

The other day I asked him what he wants for dinner - back came the answer 'im not bothered'.

What I did cook he criticised even though every meal I cook is cooked with love.

Tonight he goes up to bed - not even a 'dog goodnight'.

I'm at a loss as to what I have done to receive this opprobrium!

We've not been intimate in over 6 weeks. He's not the cheating kind but...you never know although I doubt it.

On the plus side ish - he cooked up a storm in the kitchen and made me a nice meal although we never said two words to each other while eating it. Odd...

Maybe this is the end of the road....Cry

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 04 2014 at 5:57pm
^^^It is the end. Just move out when he is at work, then call him when he is out and let him know you did. But maybe you shouldn't even bother.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sophrosyne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 04 2014 at 6:11pm
Sure feels like the end.

I've no idea what I've done wrong but I plan on asking him before I go!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 10 2014 at 10:32am
@sophrosyne; to think that "it is your fault" means that once he tells you, you'll stay to try to "fix it" for him. That will make you stay in a vicious cycle, always trying to please him, only to hear that "it isn't good enough".

You should just leave. If you still think he is the only good, worthy, caring, loving, loyal, great provider, with a stellar d!ck game in this whole world, then yeah, try to remain with him - but not as his live-in girlfriend.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sophrosyne Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 13 2014 at 6:17pm
I hear that. And I really don't think it's my fault I think it's his as he seems to have just voluntarily disengaged.

Every attempt I've made to talk has been thwarted with him absenteeing himself when we've agreed to speak. And then he has to get up at some ungodly hour for work. This weekend was his time off and he managed to spend the whole day playing his sport then today invited half his family round...laughing and joking and carrying on. I tried not to show that anything was wrong and so did he. 

We're an older couple both with grown children so we both know the score. Nearly four years together says alot as you tend to know what you want and what you don't want.  

My daughter has got my room all ready for me to go back home! lol - I bet she thinks I'll be cooking for her real soon! lol Gotta laugh else you'll cry......




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