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Am I wrong?

 
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Twisted_Angel View Drop Down
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    Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 6:11pm
I dont know my boyfriends mom that well. But what I do know..scares me. I've seen her a few times. She doesn't come off as a pleasant person..looks like it hurts for her to smile.

Anyways...

Rewinding back... Me and my bf had been together 6 months.

He never said much about his mom or dad...which was odd to me because I'm always talking about my family and he seems like he's family oriented too..

So I started to wonder what he was hiding.

One day he was taking me to my job and we see his mom at the store. She asks for a ride and he gives her a ride but he's so nasty and rude to her in my head I'm thinking omg did I somehow slip up again and get into another abusive relationship because based on my experiences abusive men are terrible to their mothers.

And to top things off he when he drops her off..he looks at me and says.."that's how you treat people like that"

Then I really freak out but I end up letting it go because time passed..he's never treated me like that he doesn't even cuss at me when we argue never laid a hand on me..

More time passes I'm starting to see that he has this nice-nasty relationship with his mom.

Months past he slowly starts to open up a little about how his mom never showed him any love or affection..she never told him she loved him. He's almost in tears.     We held each other for awhile and I felt really bad for him but it still didn't hit me how bad their relationship was.

Fast forward two weeks ago..we get into a bad argument..he tells me that he doesn't want to move in with me...we should raise the kids in separate houses..

I was so upset..we've been together for a year and a half..been talking about moving in, getting married and now I'm pregnant. Fk no. I break up with him.

He was so upset asked me why..I told him if we have no future I'm not wasting my time.

I was so upset I needed some one to confide in. I called his grandma...she ask if she could butt in and investigate cuz he seemed so excited about us.

Well a few hours later hes asking me to give us another chance..he told me he's been scared of moving in with women cuz when he was 8 his mom got mad at him and kicked him out of the house and called the cops on him. He always felt she was bi polar..

I forgave him and were back together again.

Later that night. I was on the phone with his nana for hours and she told me how his mom destroyed his self esteem as a child..pretty much ruined the relationship with him and his father because she would always get the cops involved and fabricate stories about his dad trying to kidnap him or crying wolf about being abused.

My bf..He was abused verbally as a child I feel like thats worse than physical cuz I've been through that too and bruises heal but verbal abuse can damage you for ever..

I'm proud of him for growing up to be such a loving, caring man.

Anyway he's been telling me how excited his mom is about the baby and I'm extremely uncomfortable with this woman..

Like I said..I don't know her personally..my s/o seems like he wants to have a good relationship with her but scared to get close to her..

I don't know how to talk to him about it...its a touchy subject. He still barely mentions her..

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Idk what to do..I kinda feel like the bad guy but I don't want to put my child in any danger..

Am I judging wrong?

Ladies/Gents how would you approach your s/o if they were abused as a child and certain life situations you get into causes problems because they can't get over their past
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Twisted_Angel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 6:17pm
Hope this makes some kind of sense..normally I'm excellent at writing but for some reason this was difficult for me to put into words..

Don't hate on my dots....I love em:-P
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missdeeluxe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote missdeeluxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 6:38pm
Well it sounds like he had an exceptionally rough childhood.
And that, to me, comes across as the reason that he's keeping his family from you.

I had an ex like that, who had a crazy mother, and he kept her away from me for a very long time.
I think because he was afraid it would freak me out and send me running.

I'd give him time.
Be there for him, make it clear he can always come to you to talk about it when he's ready, and maybe eventually you can try and have a relationship with her.

If he's been nothing but good to you as a man and daddy to be, judge him on that.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 7:06pm
Your right there was a time where his mom invited me in her house and he rushed us away..

And I was like ...um okay...

I wouldn't freak out everybody got that one special person in their family...that we want to lock away and throw the key..

I didn't mention to him about his grandma telling me some of his past. He told me bits and pieces of it...

All I can do is be there for him like you said.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote missdeeluxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 12 2014 at 7:37pm
LOL Man I got an entire crazy side of my fam that I keep under wraps till I know they ready for it

But it sounds like his grandma is nice and is interested in having a relationship
That's a good place to start and something at least.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 1:12am
Originally posted by Twisted_Angel Twisted_Angel wrote:



Ladies/Gents how would you approach your s/o if they were abused as a child and certain life situations you get into causes problems because they can't get over their past


Simple: I would NEVER let his mom alone with the child. End of the story.

He might be trying to have a relationship with her. Births and deaths usually bring people closer. It is and it will be difficult to him. He sounds like he only talks about his issues when he is feeling like opening up, so I wouldn't push him.

I am glad you stood on your ground and broke up with him when he said that you guys should raise the child in different houses. That is an absurd concept, and I am glad you are smart to see thatClap

But, I must warn you, next time you see him being rude to his mom, let him be, and once she isn't around, sit down with him and tell him he cannot have this behavior around the child. Reason why: he is teaching the child that it is ok to disrespect a woman. Especially an older woman. His mom. The child will learn to be rude to elders and disrespect you. So, talk to him about this problem, tell him you understand that his life was difficult as a child, but your child does not need to see this kind of behavior, only positive ones.



Edited by sexyandfamous - Mar 13 2014 at 1:13am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote NaturalSister543 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 3:46am
Well, personally. I believe a man is only going to honor you as much as he honors his mother. Trust me I got married to a man has mother issues and I regret it. He is basically emotionless when it comes to his mother and I see that in the way he treats me. He only uses his sisters for money and I think that even why he has a relationship with them.

I mean there is a child involved, I would get out of this situation before it get worse and pray for a better guy to get serious down the line.

Moving in with a guy before marriage is always trouble, it is very rare for you to move in with a guy and for him to marry you down the line. Whet reason does he have to in marrying you. He already has everything without marrying you. What are you giving this man to work for?

I am going to be honest with you...get out of this situation before it worse. Trust me honey, it seems you women intuitions are giving you the code red, listen to them and do not let any man waste your time. Or, you may end up like me, married with child and miserable.

Things get worse after marriage, if there is problems now then imagine after the passion for sex is going and you guys a left to truly love each other for who you are.

Another advice get to know his mom, get her side of the story. I mean he makes his mother to look like the bad guy. So what about you down the line?

I love you sis, do the right things and listen to your gut feelings. You already know what to do you just have to do it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:12am
Ty s&f..I'm 27 years old and I've been through soo much crap from men.. and now what I say goes or I'm out the door.

He was shocked when I broke up...cuz I told him I was going to get an abortion. I'm not having another child out of wedlock at first I didn't believe in abortion but I'm going to do what's best for my children and me struggling by myself with two kids is ridiculous...that's now how a kid should be brought into the world..if that's the case I'll send him/her back to heaven...hopefully God will love me enough to understand why I chose to do that. I'm not getting the abortion but I already have one dead beat baby daddy...I will never regret my daughter she's the best thing that came out of my last relationahip.

@Natural sister we are engaged he proposed last week. But I did put him in his place before we got back together cuz these past few months he's been telling me I'm not ready for marriage and then when I asked him when were getting married ...he told me he wanted to get me a 10000$ ring and all this nonsense...and he was asking me why was I being so impatient...

I told him I don't care about an expensive ring and if he wasn't ready for marriage and moving in he shouldnt have gotten me pregnant

So he broke down and told me how I'm is everything and now he has nothing no brothers no sister no me or baby..

I told him I know he's a lil scared so am I but IDC how much I love you...you start running I'm not chasing you.

I told him he has a daughter and a baby on the way. He's been raising my daughter like she's he's own.

I told him that the abortion conversation wasn't an angry black woman's revenge thing cuz that what he felt it was.

Too many black women making dumb decisions while the man just can walk away.

After we finished the conversation he asked me to marry him and said let's do it at the end of this month but we're gonna wait because of financial reasons but it will be this year tho..



Edited by Twisted_Angel - Mar 13 2014 at 5:13am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:24am
We getting too old for this..either you mine or not the chase game is over.

And your saying why buy the cow when he has the milk..lol we were actually trying for a child months back but it happened on its own.

This relationship wasn't rushed. I've been very strict..had the 90 day rule and everything.

And based on our conversations he's been telling me he wants more from me. Can't get more from a person if you already have everything..

But seriously his mom scares me..
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote NaturalSister543 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 5:45am
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