I am an extreme lurker, but I really need some serious advice about a situation. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
I've known my ex bf since I was 16, Im 22 now. We were best friends. We started dating when I was 18 and we dated for 2 years then he broke up with me. When he broke up it was a 'break' because he wasn't sure whether or not he wanted a gf. We still had sex. Four months after the break up he told me he definitely did not want a gf at the time. We continued to have sex. I don't know why I kept it going even though I was beginning to feel horrible about it as time went on. So this went on for a year and by the end of that year I was really sick and tired of it and was trying to figure out how to tell him to
off. Then he came out of nowhere and said lets get back together and I got back together with him cuz this is what I wanted right? This was why I was still having sex with him cuz maybe he'd change his mind. That was a BIG mistake!
I could never really get over our break up and it made me insecure and jealous during our re-try of a relationship. I also realized there was a lot of things I could not stand about him during this time that I didn't notice before. He's a bit immature, always broke, mama's boy. I knew I was going to have to break up with him when we were driving somewhere with my friend and he said with no shame that his mom was writing his resume for him. Also I received no xmas or bday present because he was broke. I was broke too, but managed to scrape up some $ to buy him a really nice bday present and gave him money for sneakers for xmas.
So fast forward to September and I break up with him and tell him it was because I could not get over our break up and how I felt I was treated like sh*t. He later turns it around saying I kept going along with it blah blah(which I know is true and I have to take responsibilty for my part), then broke off all contact saying it was best we never speak again. This really affected me cuz Ive known him for so long he's a major part of my life. Then he ran home to his mom in NJ (we're in the DC suburbs) the next day. She called me talking about why did you abandon my son? Tf? Anyways we got back together because I just felt bad about the whole thing.
I knew maybe a week after that this was not going to work. Then I got a job in October (just graduated college in May and moved back to my hometown) and we live 40 mins away from each other so I became busy and wasn't available like I was before. So after Thanksgiving he broke up with me saying I was too busy, but of course we can still remain friends. 'Then he told me he wasn't going to tell his mom that we broke up.
Come to find out his idea of "friends" is the same one as before where sex and intimacy is involved but no real relationship . I'm confused cuz its like he didn't even listen to anything I said when I broke up with him. Like you break up with me before the holidays and you still want to
, but not give me a present? I'm not really materialistic but now its becoming really obvious to me why he did that at the time he did. We haven't had sex since we broke up and I think i've made it very clear through my actions that intimacy part of our relationship is not going to happen, but its like he doesn't get it.
I've also been a bit standoffish in our text communications and anytime we happen to see each other, but I feel he's still not getting it. So now I feel I have to be mean, but I don't want to cuz I try to avoid confrontation and I've known him for so long, but I feel this is all he will understand. He texted me today saying "my mom said she is disappointed she never got a Christmas call from you yesterday". So I texted back 'sh*t happens' I feel bad about it but at the same time I don't care. So am I wrong?
This is hard because its not like his a malicious person. He's a nice guy, but I feel he's manipulative in a way that you don't really realize.