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Alternative Lifestyle Choices/Philosophies...

 
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dazed& View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dazed& Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:50am
religion- i guess im agnostic atheist. I dont discuss this with my black friends or relatives since they're all super christian. whenever i even mention that im not religious i get burning side eyes. so now i just dont mention it. ironically, almost all of my non-black acquaintances arent religious, so im more comfortable discussing that topic with them

music- i dont listen to rap or r and b. ive been over the genres since i was 13. i always hid it through highschool though, since i went to an all black school and everyone was into rap and r and b only. anything not made by a black person was considered "white people music." im a huge indie.alternative rock and EDM fan- mainly dubstep and glitch. i like to go to EDm shows  music festivals (where they usually last a few days and involve camping)...the last one i went to was counterpoint..had about 15,000 people there and i swear there were less than 200 black people -_-

marriage- im not sure about where i stand on the subject. to me it is just a contract. or betting someone half of everything you own that you'll love them forever. i also don't like the idea of being contractually bound to someone for the rest of your life. going off of my past relationships, im rather fickle and get smothered easily- two things that wouldn't be so great in a marriage. However if i decided to have kids, i probably would get married just for the stability

on the matter of children- they're cute and all but i have a low tolerance for neediness...which children will be for 18 years...so i don't know if i want them or not.

ive also never fried anything in my life besides fries, pancakes and french toast. Pinch i think thats all.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:52am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage - in my family it happens but i can't say that "its respected". There is definitely a clear distinction of how spouses vs gf/bf are treated.
 
-being childfree - i have great aunts who never had any kids so its ok. i also have a lot of aunts and 1st cousins who waited later in life to have kids so its not an issue.

-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.) -  its becoming more acceptable. i think we have all our own dietary needs however its  understood that when we have family gatherings, ain't nobody making nothing special for you, lol. So if you eat a certain way, bring it yourself and for everyone to try. I had a cousin who eats gluten free. She brought some desserts and everyone loved it.  My family is from the country so...a lot of it is just knowledge and what they are exposed to.

-anti-consumption/consumerism - its accepted. not everyone in our family is in "spend, spend, spend" mode. 
-serious frugality - same as above
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.) - never had happened with any family member i know. 

-minimalism, simple living - its accepted.

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:56am
Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

...and this is complicated because since I am half Indian, marriage is a HUGE deal in Indian culture. There is even a 'wedding season' where you can easily attend 3-5 weddings a day. This was a big deal in the (extended) family a few years ago because my older sister is also not married - by choice. They wanted to know what was 'wrong' with us LOL.


i need to make an indian friend so that i can attend an indian weddingLOL
hubby has a better chance of doing it though since he's in IT
i already got Nigerian down...indian and nigerian weddings i think are the most OTT and i love it
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:58am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

If and when I find a life partner, yes, we will definitely have to have certain legal documents in place because until then my mom has all that.

I also don't ever plan to combine finances so depending on the state we live in we'll have to have a contract (non-nuptial? Idk what it's actually called) that supercedes whatever common-law/community property/etc laws of the state.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CuteNSweet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:01am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:




I love steampunk and sci-fi. I wish there were more black people in it. Love love love Octavia Butler. And will definitely be supporting Will Smith's new movie. But I've already heard black people say stuff like "don't nobody wanna watch that ish" just because it's sci-fi. 


I can relate.  I'm a techie that loves everything sci-fi and very rarely have anyone to enjoy it with....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Organic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:02am
Originally posted by ShadyLady ShadyLady wrote:

By these standards, I have an alternative lifestyle. I never thought of it that way, but I'm not offended.

I have never had this burning desire a lot of women have to get married. To be honest, it seems like more of a hassle to me. I just naturally believe I can co-exist (not necessarily live with) the person I love and just be happy. Having a ring or piece of paper wouldn't make that bond any stronger IN MY EYES, although I don't knock anyone who feels otherwise.

Since middle school, people have always thought that was weird and told me I'd change my mind when I meet "the right one". I've been engaged and felt trapped. I couldn't go through with it.

I genuinely don't believe marriage is for me and wish people would stop telling me how "scared", "nervous", or "damaged" I am because I feel that way.

I also get a lot of flack because I don't have or want kids. Everytime someone finds out I'm 26 with no kids, there's this shock. I've had people blatantly ask me if something is wrong and that I can't have kids. People even casually ask about abortions. Everytime I say I don't want kids, everyone acts like I'm gonna wake up when I'm older and regret not doing it...like I can't just genuinely not want it.

Several people have called my choices selfish, and people constantly question my relationship with The Lord because of it...*sigh*.

I'm to a point where I don't care as much, but I have to admit, I don't just volunteer thus info about myself cuz I'm sick of people feeling like they need to counsel me on it.

Alll of this LOL. I was called selfish as well for not wanting kids. I think it's selfish to have kids that you don't want.

As for marriage, we went to my so's family's house for Thanksgiving and everyone kept asking when we were getting married because we make such a lovely pair. I felt claustrophobic. Just the idea of marriage makes me feel trapped and 'not myself'. It feels like I'd be wearing a pair of shoes that were not my size. I just simply cannot do something that I don't desire to do.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:02am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

If and when I find a life partner, yes, we will definitely have to have certain legal documents in place because until then my mom has all that.

I also don't ever plan to combine finances so depending on the state we live in we'll have to have a contract (non-nuptial? Idk what it's actually called) that supercedes whatever common-law/community property/etc laws of the state.

 well most states dont have common law marriage anymore so that wouldn't be an issue so if you're just together community property laws wouldnt kick in..i dont think Cali has CL marriage but you should def. check


which then leads me to the...if you're willing to create a contract for that sort of stuff...why not get married and it's automatic? i am not trying to convince anyone of anything btw--i am just genuinely curious and i dont wanna write my paperBig smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:04am

marriage changes role expectations?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Sang Froid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:09am
Yall are some interesting people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:16am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

If and when I find a life partner, yes, we will definitely have to have certain legal documents in place because until then my mom has all that.

I also don't ever plan to combine finances so depending on the state we live in we'll have to have a contract (non-nuptial? Idk what it's actually called) that supercedes whatever common-law/community property/etc laws of the state.

 well most states dont have common law marriage anymore so that wouldn't be an issue so if you're just together community property laws wouldnt kick in..i dont think Cali has CL marriage but you should def. check


which then leads me to the...if you're willing to create a contract for that sort of stuff...why not get married and it's automatic? i am not trying to convince anyone of anything btw--i am just genuinely curious and i dont wanna write my paperBig smile

In my case, I don't believe any relationship can actually last a lifetime and since divorce is too much of a hassle I don't want to get married in the first place.

My ideal ending to a relationship would be "ok so we're not into this anymore? cool. move your stuff out. see you later". No muss, no fuss.

Honestly, I don't even really want to do all the legal contracts with another person. I already have all my healthcare directives, will, etc. in place. Don't really need another person in on that stuff. Main thing would be defining our living situation so no one feels taken advantage of or whatever.
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