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Ain't Sheit Daddy or No Daddy?

 
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OhMyCurlz View Drop Down
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    Posted: Jun 20 2014 at 11:58pm
My best friends baby's father is a bum. I mean horrible. As in, he left her at the bus stop while it was raining in 40 degree whether with her baby, while he drove off in his car. He denied their child, talks to her bad, and hasn't exerted any effort in seeing his child. He was mad that he got "put on child support" when she signed up for foodstamps. She has been in really bad situations. Homeless, hungry, etc but she somehow ALWAYS makes a way and her son is a very happy, polite, well mannered little boy. 
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Anyway, she's conflicted...she knows the dude ain't sheit but she feels like she should try and encourage a relationship since he's biologically the boys father. The boy has never met his dad and while he's asked why he doesn't have a dad. Now he will say "I'm the daddy" (which I guess is his way of saying he's the only male/man/boy in the house Embarrassed). She works in special education and I feel like she REALLY is raising him well. He's 4. 

So my question is, which one is worse? Having a man that you KNOW aint sheit in your child's life or them not having their father in their life at all? Do you think she should encourage a relationship or leave it alone? 
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creole booty View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (11) Thanks(11)   Quote creole booty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:08am
I say leave it alone. Undue stress. He's a grown ass man. If he wants a relationship there will b one. If he doesn't then there won't be. She can be as encouraging as she wants but in the end u can't make anyone do anything. The child will know what happened.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote missunfoolish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:13am
going to be hurt either way but i rather (like i do) have no dad around
if he's not adding nothing positive to my life, whats the purpose of having a father figure

if he didnt step up before, he aint going to now *shrugs*
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 12:22am
She can make the boy available but I wouldn't stress over it, can't get blood from a stone

Hopefully there's another father figure in the child's life, grandad, uncles, older cousins, godfather

Many people are happy, successful, balanced with out a father figure, the boy can still thrive
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:10am
i wouldnt try to twist the mans arm to see his child… 

a huge part of me would wanna be like if he doesnt wanna see his son, fck him. 

but for my child.. i would keep trying. 

i think that aint shiet and in his life… is better than not being there at all. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote coconess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:13am
Originally posted by missunfoolish missunfoolish wrote:

if he didnt step up before, he aint going to now *shrugs*

definitely not necessarily true.. 
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missunfoolish View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote missunfoolish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:15am
Originally posted by coconess coconess wrote:

Originally posted by missunfoolish missunfoolish wrote:

if he didnt step up before, he aint going to now *shrugs*

definitely not necessarily true.. 

yeah it can be different but how i see it is, if you couldn't man up before, don't bother.
i don't need half ass people in my life 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 1:38am
they both sound the same to me. 
i wouldnt even bother. no need to fuss and fight and try to force a kid on a dude. if he wants to be around he will be. so yeah just leave it alone. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 5:22am

well she can always encourage their relationship but she needs to realize another man or men need to be in her son's life at this point

I'm not talking about a boyfriend either

Edited by SamoneLenior - Jun 21 2014 at 5:23am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote BBpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 21 2014 at 6:41am
I rather not have him in his life at all until he proves that he wants to be a good father
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