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Topic ClosedAbusive Relationship...Red Flags!

 
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Exotic Bajan View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Abusive Relationship...Red Flags!
    Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 8:43am

I'm 26 years old and I've been seeing this older guy (41 yrs old) for almost 2mths now. He's a extremely kind hearted and outgoing...... but every now and then I see a jealous controlling side of him. (which my mother warned me about) I've only been seeing him for 2mths and he's already pressuring me to start a serious relationship with him. And when ever I talk about my future goals and I don't include him in them he gets upset with me and calls me selfish and insensitive. But on flip side of things, when he's not wining about me being insensitive & too independent, he's constantly buying me gifts, and giving me money etc (that I never ask for)

Last night he came over to my house. I had a rough day, and decided to tell him what was bothering me. After I told him about my dilemma, he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "well, I don't know what else to tell you". I was hoping to get some form of verbal comfort from him...but he had a nonchalant attitude, like he didn't give a sh*t. And this was a major issue that has been weighing in on me for years!!! So I said, "never mind, I should have just talked to the 1 person that understands me the most". Then I proceeded to change the subject to something more positive. Then out of the blue he blows up and starts call me insensitive and cussing a me, and accusing me of taking "my bad day" out on him. So we went back and forth for a few minutes....then silence. I look over @ him and he's just staring at me with this evil look. I got scared so I told him to leave. So he was basically calling me insensitive because I said " I should have never told him about my problem, I should have talked to my BFF instead." But this was AFTER he brushed me off and made it seem like my problem was nothing to him. And I desperately tried to explain this to him but he still continuously blamed ME and ONLY me.

Do you guys think I was to blame? Because IMO I didn't do anything wrong. I truly believe this man has some psychological issues and if I continue to deal with him things will only get worse, and he may possibly become abusive. (btw- I'm a Scorpio and he's a Virgo)

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uppitynegroid View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 8:52am
Seems like you answered your own question.  I don't know if he's abusive, but he doesn't sound very mature.  He seems emotionally needy to me and self-centered.  The clingy type can be as emotionally draining as the verbally abusive type.  Oh and cursing at you is a no-no.  I personally don't accept that kind of language.
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Natural Lady View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 8:54am

To answer your question, I don't think that you were wrong from what you have posted here. I am not sure of the tone that you used when speaking to him, but that may have been a catalyst for that argument.

 
As far as his  psychological state, he is jealous, hot headed, contolling and unpredictable. I'm not psychologist, but somethting in the milk ain't clean.
 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 9:20am
Originally posted by Natural Lady Natural Lady wrote:

To answer your question, I don't think that you were wrong from what you have posted here. I am not sure of the tone that you used when speaking to him, but that may have been a catalyst for that argument.

 
As far as his  psychological state, he is jealous, hot headed, contolling and unpredictable. I'm not psychologist, but somethting in the milk ain't clean.
 
 

That's what I was thinking, I really don't see anything I did wrong. I didn't say it in a mean way. Thing I noticed about him is he could be dead wrong in a situation, but he will never take ownership and admit his mistake...instead he will blame me or the other person. Honestly when it comes to men, my mentality is very care free and nonchalant, and he HATES that because he's use to women chasing him. I'm just still trying to decide if I should cut him off or continue to deal with him...ONLY if he sincerely apologizes. I know that alot of men have a way of making us women feel gulilty, even when their the one in the wrong, so on the other hand I'm really considering leaving this guy alone. Confused

 


Edited by Exotic Bajan - Jul 27 2009 at 9:21am
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dynamite23 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 9:31am
I say leave him alone but that's just me. From you initial post you've listed more than enough red flags that would've made me ditch him already. I think your intuition is telling you to let this go before things get out of hand.

Two months and he's treating you this way already? oh hell no. His crazy is just going to keep coming out if he's already showing you this side of him in less than 90 days. It can only get worse not better IMO.

Let it go
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honeybrown2777 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 10:06am

Major Red flags, I could feel it from the first paragraphs. His next step will be to hit you and then youíll really have some ish on your hands. Break it off and move one. He has may psych problems.     

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 10:11am
he sounds a bit scary
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Exotic Bajan View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 10:29am

I want to cut him off.....but we deal with the same circle of friends. So were going to cross paths again. Which will be extremely awkwardConfused

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 12:18pm
You're 26 and have the same circle of friends as a 41 year old?  Are your friends mostly older, or are his pretty young?
 
 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 27 2009 at 12:37pm
Our friends are from ages 29-45yrs old. We're all from the caribbean, so we all network etc..


Edited by Exotic Bajan - Jul 27 2009 at 12:37pm
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